Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts

Thursday, September 3, 2015

New Poem - "Insatiable"

Fresh out the current "Black Book" - which actually has a pink/gold plaid pattern on the cover hehe - I present this piece to you, just written yesterday :)
Hope you enjoy!

Insatiable”
Your words still burn
like poison in my ears
How do I rid myself
of your ill intent?
Hell bent on destruction
Misery loves broken down company
Fuck 'em
Fuck you
and all the rest
of the Haters
trying to put me down at my best
You are like fire
I won't get too near you again
out of concern you'll burn
Consume
a hunger that never ends
You don't see
so long as you only
Take, and never Give
You will remain Insatiable
for as long as you live...

R.C.H.

Thanks so much for reading!!! Poetry and free writing are such great ways for me to process some of the heavier things in life and get stuff off my chest :)

Don't let the Haters get you down. Keep on keepin' on with yo' bad self <3 <3 <3

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

A few nature pics, notes about some things to come here on the blog, plus, "Flutterby" - A New Poem

Hello there!
It's been longer than I prefer since I've last posted on here :/

Between the Neil Young concert my man and I were lucky enough to attend a few weeks ago upstate, being a heat sensitive person in the peak of New England summer (woah, humidity!), and the sudden drop in temps we've had over the last week (WTF, signs of Fall already? Winter is coming! Ah, Rural Vermont Life), along with a few other health issues I won't get into, I have been pretty laid low.
"Low on spoons" as they say ;)

But, I'm back on my feet, caught up on a major freelance project I've been trying to hammer out for some time (Shameless self-plug: Go get a subscription to Auto Restorer magazine!), and am very excited about everything that is happening right now, including posts for this blog that I've been wanting to get out for some time.

Driving Upstate Vermont in Late Summer is a glorious experience! :)

A preview of what's to come:
- A write-up about the Neil Young concert, and the Monsanto/Starbucks/Grocery Manufacturer's Alliance lawsuit against the state of Vermont
- New Product reviews! - UV Clothing, UV Parasols, Collapsible Canes, and other "Spoonie" friendly wear/aids
- The last part of my series about my mental approaches to managing life with chronic illness
- New B.M.F.F.'s - "BadMofo Fridays" - Where each week I'll be highlighting various people who inspire me  
- A new series about who I am, and how I manage my Fibromyalgia thru Diet and Lifestyle
- Completing a series I started a long time ago about how I manage seasonal allergies, colds, and flus using natural remedies that actually work (something that has plagued me since I was born, and have a ton of anecdotal and scientific evidence for)

It's moving more slowly than I'd prefer, but I'm learning how to work with the Fibro and become a better integrated artist, entrepreneur, and person every day.

And that is all that matters.

Fall colors are already starting to show in the mountains up here in New England

And now, a new piece of poetry I wrote over the last few weeks.
I was in a bit of a haze when it came out, and looking at it now, I am still not completely sure who or what this is about. It could be one of a few matters I've been trying to work thru, or a combo of them.

Either way, it's pretty, if I don't say so myself :)
Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!!! 

"FLUTTERBY" 
When you pout
with your cherry stained mouth
Do you ever doubt yourself too?
If it came out that I wasn't strong
could I accept this from you?
You, who can do no wrong
you, who always belong
Like Living Summer
she flutters along
And I wither in her path
Like Living Summer
she flutters along
I'm not bitter or anything
but, sometimes, The Wrath is still strong
Fresh as a stove-top burn
You've scorched me so many times
the scar tissue almost covers the fine lines
and wrinkles
Impressions of Time
upon the skin
Your facade is paper thin
but this is a battle I cannot win
No matter how much I rage and foam
Like Living Summer she flutters and roams
as I look on from this gilded cage
Alone



*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen 

Saturday, July 11, 2015

"Canyon Fiend" - A Love Poem

A fun one I started a while back and finally finished today.
I guess you could say I'm in the mood because I'm well enough to go downstairs tomorrow and start restoring the Celica Supra again ;) Yay!
Enjoy the Gearhead Poetry!

Oh, you rev my engine
wear out my starter
when I can't take any more
you drive me harder
thru terrains I never knew
you got my alignment all askew
runnin' till we see red and blue lights
only you know how to move me just right
baby

let's hit the canyons tonight

Thanks for reading!

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

"Kaizen" aka "Kiki", our gorgeous 1982 Toyota Celica Supra P-Type 5 Speed <3

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

"Fake" - A Poem

This is an old poem circa 2002 or so.
I'm finally undertaking a long project and digitizing crates of poetry I've been carrying with me for years. Some of it goes as far back as the 5th grade!
This one still stands out as a favorite, and I've been thinking of it recently due to some challenging interpersonal situations. Personally, I'm still stoked on the wordplay on this one :)
Hope you enjoy it too!

Fake
Faltering in her silent steps
she
cries aloud. The light
overwhelms
the senses. Come, darkness! Save
me
from the truth. Envelop me
with
your star-studded veil. Don't let
her
see our technicolor dreams. For her
plastic
thoughts will ruin the universe, and she will only
smile.

-R.C.H.

Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen
Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

"The Cosmic Dance" - Poetry

Well good morning, beautiful piece of poetry I don't remember writing last night :)
I'm diggin' the word play and theme of this one. Enjoy! 

feeling sick
but unbroken
these words are spoken
by a warrior with Yaqui provokin'
the fight in my veins
yeah
you thought you killed us all off
well, guess again
we're too damned stubborn and strong
to ever be kept down for long
you see
we've still got the Earth Mother connection
Father Sky looking down, sending us lessons
so easily missed by those all amiss
lost and confused, like you're in a deep mist
but with my Yoeme eyes I can see
the inner workings and harmonies
of this world, this universe, how ever many may be
my culture claims Five
but could be indefinitely
ongoing, ever flowing
outward and in
like a fractal
eternal, infinite
look deep within
and you'll find you're part of it too
the entire universe is also in you
and out at the same time
reality is a mindfuck
but it's fine, more than fine
it's amazing, divine
join in the Cosmic Dance
don't worry about keeping time, or score
just enjoy the present score of music
the Great Party
the dancer's decor
a feast for the senses
but only if your tenses
are focused on the present moment
with no pretenses
own it, be relentless
in your pursuit of happiness and contentment
many naysayers will say it can't be done
but only of their own resentments, my son
so chase down your folly
life's too short otherwise
may you be ever jolly no matter the size
of any battles you might wager this day
remember, you're strong as Yoeme
or whatever Ancestor blood runs through your veins
pay tribute to them by being strong despite the pain
know to experience, to be alive, is to truly be blessed
even when you're stressing or not feeling your best
if life's a play, then let me play my role well
seems my Persona's deemed to guide others up out of Hell
oh well, so be it
I can't think of anyone better
considering my wings have been scorched
but I still have my feathers
I've weathered many storms
Please, give me strength for the next
until this role is no longer needed
then at last I shall rest
when the Persona exits Stage Left
and I move on to whatever Cosmic Play is next...

Sometimes the words come out kinda crazy like
Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Thursday, May 14, 2015

"The Cleansing Fire" - A Poem

I will be picking back up with my "Staying Positive While Living with Chronic Illness" series shortly. Of which I've needed to heed my own advice over the last week, as it has been fraught with some personal challenges. So, here's a quick poem I wrote about it :)

hide away
hide away
from this haze 
of sadness and pain
that claims
this body, this house 
hasn't been a home
too much insanity condoned 
for even a mouse
to feel comfortable staying here
in this house
this home
got to get the fuck out 
before they own
our souls, thoughts, habits
gotta get the fuck out
see opportunity, grab it
like a life preserver
and never let go
keep pushing further
until we're so far from this house
this broken home
that it's nothing but a feeble memory
lost and alone
like I feel now in this room
while insanity persues
those just outside the door
let us escape this sickness 
and be free from it evermore
evermore I love you 
my love
I know the two of us can rise above
this muck and mire
the cleansing fire
is so painful it's exquisite
but if it makes us stronger
than it's worth it
isn't it?



"You insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders..."

Thank you for reading! Stay strong in whatever battles you're facing at the moment :)

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Friday, April 24, 2015

"Warrior Cry" - Strength in Poetry

Been facing some personal challenges over the last week, from both flares in my Fibromyalgia and family issues. I try to maintain an ever positive outlook on life no matter what obstacles I'm facing, but often I find I must push through the darkness to find the light in these difficult situations. I must allow myself time to feel what I need to feel, to process my grief and other feelings. With release comes healing, and then the strength to move on. This morning was particularly challenging, and so I put on my headphones, blasted 10,000 Days by Tool at high volume, and this poem came out. It made me feel strong again. My hope in sharing it is that maybe it could help someone else. 

I'm facing the abyss 
once again
I thought I'd left you for good
old friend
Things are amiss 
when they should be golden
Trying to be strong 
without folding 
But I fear
this time I may actually break 
I may have been given 
more than I can take
But I must make 
myself be strong
If not for my own sake
then for you and all else along
with me on this wild journey
This is a burden only I can carry
For I'm a survivor
With each battle I get mightier
You want me?
You'll not take me without a fight
In my veins flows the might 
of my ancestors like
the Yoeme and Thor's Angels 
Fear only destroys and mangles 
twists reality into distorted angles
I shake my fist at the sky
screaming, "I defy!" 
Do I make myself clear?
My flesh and bones may not be here much longer
but my spirit grows ever stronger
Do you hear me?
Gods, Deities 
Earth, Fire, and Water
I serve thee willingly
just please make me stronger
Like the warrior braves from my past
Who fought boldly to the very last
Even when all sight of hope was lost
Left stranded and double crossed
Let me honor their memory 
By standing tall and proud
Screaming war cries as loud
as my straining lungs will allow
I'll not cower in this corner any longer
I call now on all I am as Earth's Daughter
Ancestors, Sky, Fire, and Water
To keep the fight in me
make this warrior stronger
Til my time to rest comes
and I'm needed no longer

Stay strong my fellow warriors and Chronic Badasses :)

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 



Monday, April 20, 2015

4/20 - A Celebration of Freedom of Choice

Today, people across the globe people will be celebrating The 4/20 Holiday, and in this great year of our lord 2015, we do have a lot to celebrate!

After over 70 insane years we're finally seeing some progress towards the end of Cannabis Prohibition!!!! We've legalized medical use of Cannabis in 23 states, with nine more pending, along with its recreational use in two states, with an estimated 10 more pending. People of all ages and from all walks of life are openly discussing spiritual and medical uses of Ayahuasca, MDMA, and Psilocin - topics that were only for the wild fringe just five years ago. This makes me more optimistic than I could have ever hoped to be that in my lifetime we will continue seeing much needed change in the way we view and manage mind altering substances. 

Hmm...haven't we been down this road before?
But, we must not get complacent. We must remember there are still many states and nations that do not yet have safe access to Cannabis, even medically. And we still have a long ways yet before we've overcome The War on Consciousness, aka The Drug War. If we as adults don't have the right to explore our minds and bodies, then how can we call ourselves free?Why are drugs like alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine culturally sanctioned, but cannabis, LSD, and mushrooms remain taboo? What makes one drug "good" and one "bad" in the eyes of a society? Certainly not factors like safety, considering there is NO known lethal dose of LSD and no recorded deaths from Cannabis, while countless deaths related to alcohol and tobacco use occur every year. 

It's time to ask questions, it's time for answers. It's time for education, not fear mongering.

I am a Psychonaut, and proud of it! And I'm a grateful Medical Cannabis patient. I seriously don't know how I'd manage my Fibromyalgia without this amazing and versatile plant. It breaks my heart to see how many people could benefit from medical alternatives like Cannabis, but are prevented from even trying them because of local laws created out of fear, not logic. 

Wish I could be in Colorado. celebrating this day as only they can. But, I'm out in the rural country of the Green Mountain State, so I will be celebrating virtually with the Global Tribe. 
And that is more than enough :) 



Want to get involved? Check out The Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic StudiesThe National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws, and Americans for Safe Access

Let's all keep working towards change! 

An anti-prohibition poem I wrote this morning: 

Today
We celebrate
Freedom of Choice
Today
We stand 
United as one voice
Today
We honor
Those who came before
Today
We speak
For our right to explore
the inner planes of body and mind 
It's not immature, or reckless
It's a natural part of human nature to expect this
Desire
This unquenchable thirst
You can try to stop the fire
but it was burning first
And always will be
So long as there's human curiosity
An ember glows within us all
Can't you see 
Your delusion will be your downfall
Under the illusion that there's Justice for All
While lives are destroyed for heeding the call
To explore 
The inner planes of body and mind 
It's completely insane
How can we be so behind?
For such an advanced society
We're as arcane as the Inquisition used to be
How many more must suffer or go to jail
Before we admit Prohibition has failed?
Has robbed us of options, of choices
I dream of living in a world where our voices are heard
Where our rights to explore body and mind aren't deterred
Where Drug Cartels are a thing of the past
Where doctors and patients are free to ask
"What if?
What if this works?
What if there are cures 
We haven't been allowed to research?"
It's about time 
We're free 
To explore body and mind
An inalienable right
To all Humankind



Here's some Cannabis related material for your entertainment and enlightenment:





A few people to remember as we celebrate:

Robert Randall - First ever legal US Medical Cannabis patient under the US Investigational New Drug Program. He went through legal and physical hell to make this happen. He then went on to co-found the Alliance for Cannabis Therapeutics with his wife, Alice O'Leary, to push for the end of prohibition of medical cannabis. Robert died in 2001 after decades of fighting Glaucoma and serious illness. To learn more about Mr. Randall and the Federal New Drug Program he was a patient under (and is still a technically active program) go to: Federal Investigational New Drug Program (Original Medical Cannabis program)

Jack Herer - A brutal pro-war Republican prohibitionist, transformed into one of the most renowned Cannabis Activists in modern history. From 1967 to 2010 he dedicated his life to pushing for prohibition change, risking it many times in the process. He died in 2010 due to complications from heart attack. For more information on Mr. Herer's life, and a bunch of useful books, videos, and links, go to http://www.jackherer.com/.

Terence McKenna - A silver tongued bard, bold psychonaut, author, ethnobotanist, lecturer, and cannabis enthusiast. He was not afraid to speak of his discoveries deep in the wilds of the jungle, or altered states, and co-wrote Psilocybin: Magic Mushroom Grower's Guide: A Handbook for Psilocybin Enthusiasts. Check out Terence McKenna on Cannabis  for a nice intro to his thoughts, on one of my favorite podcasts, The Psychedelic Salon.

You tell 'em, buddy!
I hope you found this to be entertaining and enlightening :) 
Who are some of your favorite psychonauts and/or Anti-Prohibition activists?
Happy 4/20 my fellow Explorers! Be  sure to party safely!

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

"Spoonie Rock" - Poetry

Breaking the poetry back out. This is a recent one, just wrote it last week. For my fellow "Spoonies", "Chronic Badasses", or anyone on the struggle...Keep up, stay strong! We all have moments of weakness in our battles - this was one of mine that I managed to turn around in the end. 
For me, freewriting is one of the best forms of therapy.
Hope you enjoy! 

Please tell me that I'm strong enough for this
When you look at me do you see my pain or strength?
I'm trying to bend like a willow in the wind
but I feel I might crack
I fear I may break
If I did a good thing then why 
Why do I 
why do I feel so sad?
Why do I feel so bad? 
why do I cry? 
Why am I so beat down
it's just a hurricane blowing everything around
Flipping my world upside-down
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
These thorns in my flesh are spread all around
Heart and Mind pound
Feeling heavier than gravity
Wanna crawl into a deep, underground cavity
and rest 
Say I did my best
as I breathe my last into the Earth Mother's sweet breast
But that would be a lie
Surely, I'd be sent back to finish what I started
To guide and soothe the lost and broken hearted
A job only I can do in the way that I do it
Now, if only I can be strong enough to see through it
Please
Let the tears stop
Let the pain subside
Give me the strength
to get up and ride
On to better places 
Friendlier faces
filled with the presence of God's graces
Time erases all pain
I know it's hard to think sunshine when you're lost in the rain
But you have everything to gain 
if you so choose
Blessings are often disguised as blues
and wise men as simple fools 
So, follow your folly! 
Be free from sadness
May your heart overflow with gladness
Even at your darkest hour 
What's yours is mine, and I give you Power, 
Strength, and Love
May it flow like a river down from above
and sustain you when you need it most
From sister to sister
and coast to coast 
Together
we're far stronger than one ever could be
United we stand
my fellow Spoonies...

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 




Friday, November 8, 2013

Spoken Word - "Rising Curtains"

This is a piece that I originally performed many moons ago (circa 2004) at a lovely little theater known as Da Poetry Lounge, in Culver City, California. Sadly,I didn't have the foresight to get someone to record my time on the mic that night; I got a standing ovation in a room where I was one of the whitest females on the premises. Pretty flattering and humbling. But alas, even though everyone around me believed in my abilities, I didn't believe in myself. So I allowed my potential Spoken Word career to wither and die before it ever had a chance to grow. 
Now, over a decade later, I am revisiting my old works, and without any intent of being cocky, am impressed with what I'm digging up. I have decided to record whichever of these labors of love demand to be heard aloud, not solely within the confined silence of the reader's mind. Perhaps this process will re-alight the inner flame.

Some emcees choose their pseudonyms, others are given them as nicknames. When I was writing in the early 2000's, I was nicknamed "NadaClue". Those days were all about excess; partying, raving, pushing everything possible, including my own body and mind, to the limit.
Those days, and the bright eyed, kandy kid that hailed them, are long gone.

If I'm gonna be an emcee, let me be known as "Phoenix".

From the ashes I rise anew to sing you my song...



Lyrics:
"I strive to own the microphone
like it was sewn
into my hand
i thrive off  the thrill of lyricism
and i demand that i stand tall & proud
i imagine rocking a crowd
& shocking thousands of eardrums
with excessively loud
beats
whispering, talking spirits from the streets
lingering in your head
long after you crawl under your sheets
night creeps upon the world
it seeps into bedrooms & attics
if your mind is not unfurled
it will swirl into a panic
i pity those who remain curled 'round fear
their ears hear static
in the end they only lead lives that are problematic
i can't stand it
the apathy people try to throw at me
i just blow them off & try not to take 'em seriously
'cuz most people fake it when it comes to personalities
& i don't take it when they try to feed me falsities
i travel these dreams of contradicting schemes
eventually they unravel at the seams
reality teams with life like an ocean
it glimmers & gleams with strife
ever in motion
control emotion
or it will bring you under the surface
& the notion of drowning doesn't serve my purpose
so, instead of frowning when i fall
i'll pretend it was on purpose
& laugh at it all
as i imagine greeting rising curtains"

Thank you for watching/reading!
Hope it brought some joy to your life.
*Love & Light*





Sunday, September 8, 2013

I Am a Great Light - A Poem

This heat wave has had me in a pretty bad Flare, so I haven't gotten as much writing done as I've wanted, but I'm excited to have a brand new piece of poetry to post. It's been a while since I've written any poetry. Hope you enjoy!

i am a great light
i will rise to this fight
i’ll never back down
so long as i have my mouth
i’ll bite
on the jugular of entropy
til it turns red, then white
(naysayers are no friend to me)
i am more
than these walls
and long paced halls
greater than the sum
of my weaknesses & flaws
i’ll rise above my own desolation
& find inspiration
thru the cultivation
of a much needed cause
because
i am stronger than my disease
weakened hands, hips, knees
skin & hair rebelling, organs melting
a mind that’s failing
even if i say “please”
begging all the deities
for mercy
do you think they heard me?
the trees whisper prayers
like a clergy
they urge me
onward, remind me i’m not alone
in Mother Nature i always have a home
i ask the Muse for guidance
& realize the eyes i’m looking into are my own
i alone possess all tools needed for this quest
i should have known, shoulda guessed
for i am a great light
i’m stronger than my disease
infinite as deep space
and stronger than the seas
tho it may be darkest night
dawn always proceeds
just hang on a little longer
you are stronger
than your weaknesses & desperate pleas
Child of the Universe, Infinite, Divine
breathe in and know that everything will be fine

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Ego Boost – poem, 2/11/12, 1:50pm


We all need to give ourselves some positive self-talk every now and then......


i am gorgeous
inside and out
i am sexy
without a doubt
i am witty
i am fun and spontaneous
i am strong
i am brave and courageous
i am intelligent, always curious
i like to fix things
i’m a gearhead
(no really i’m serious!)
i am unique
i am creative
i am quiet and understated
i am simple
i am natural
(make-up is overrated)
i’m a survivor, outliving others
RIP my fallen sisters and brothers
i’m the one who got away
but also the one who always gets caught
i cannot be stolen or bought
music is my essence
dance is my being
my third eye’s open and seeing
it's so liberating, so freeing
i’m a lover, not a fighter
a back scratcher and biter
smartass, narrator, and (of course) writer
always seeking truth, knowledge, and answers
to eradicate hate, ignorance, and cancers
some days, the world beats ya down
gotta pump up the Ego and flip-turn that frown
cuz emotions like sadness and anger
will only blind you and put you in danger
handicaps that take away from the moment
thoughts are like seeds 
you've planted and sown em
gotta tackle the negative
to chase down your dreams
its imperative
reality's exactly what it seems
which means
it is whatever you choose 
this is one of the most pertinent universal rules
so next time you feel weak like a frayed suture
remember "i am at cause over my future"


"Walk Tall" - a poem (circa 2001)

Originally written on a scrap of paper coming down off of gawd-knows-what, back when I was getting deep into the SoCal Rave Scene.
A beautiful piece of teenage rebellion against conformity. 

let me melt into the carpet
and seep into the floor
scrape me off the ceiling
and make me whole once more
untangle me from these spider webs
i so lazily spun myself
set me daintily on a cloud
so i can float through life with stealth
toy with my hair
feed bittersweet thoughts into my ear
take me far from this place
because im sick of being here
don’t let them transform me
into the fraud they think i should be
i’ll keep rebelling against the system
til i die or lose my sanity
if i can hold myself together
then i’ll stay strong
if i keep my mind open
i can never be too wrong
let me continue to be a shock
as long as i have energy
let me walk tall
while being the individual
known as me

"Reset" - Flow orig. written for Raver's Digest (January 2003)

reset flow so good you'll want to read it slowly
hand crafted for you by the one and the only
renata hernandez a.k.a. number thirty-one
(she braids werdz into poetry just for fun)


its been such a long day, am i ready for a long nite?
my mind's beginning to fray and body feels wound and tite
but i think i can rebound for the night
cuz 26c knows how to put the sound
and vibe together right
i round up the homies and we take flight
for the Orion and to my delight
there's no line at all, just the usual slight
gathering of promoters standing near the door
always handing out more and more
flyers to passerbyers by the score
we pass through security and enter: the first floor
where house pours through speakers, bass cabinets and onto the floor
leaving behind a muck that's crusty and unsure
a constant reminder of raves from before
i scrape it off my shoes as i walk upstairs
to check out the funky trance that blares
into people's faces it erases any traces of daily affairs,
which constantly ensnare me
and in the process impair me
magically, music repairs me,
mind, body and soul
once i start dancing i find i feel whole
but now it's time to go before the evil takes its toll
cuz if one more winged candy kid happens to stroll
by i fear i may pick them up and see if they can fly
they're getting on my nerves and i'm not sure why
i guess tonight my tolerance just isn't very high
so goodbye trance headz...hello drum n bass!
tonight the basement is the chosen place
for the jungle room, and what a great use of space
my eyes trace a set up that's very appealing
over my head cammo net hangs from the ceiling
the jungle is squealing from huge walls of speakers
causing mischief like midnight window peekers
the poppers and freakers get frantic like tweakers
trying to keep up with beats that bubble in thier ears like beakers
held over bunsen burners set at full blast
whether learners or those who have surpassed
vast amounts of battles, nobody stands at 1/2 mast
the jungle demands that everyone keep up with its fast
beats, or sit on the floor and get harassed
i join the cast of characters that make up this rave
in allowing the jungle to flow in and save
me from the fears that cause the tears that melt the brave
part of myself; i am jungle's slave
my body behaves all on its own
it disowns me as easily as a child who's outgrown
some beat up doll; patched up and re-sown
its like i've known how to do this dancing thing my whole life
each step i take chips away a little piece of strife
and as green lasers pierce the air around me like a knife
i smile because raving is the best life
as my body picks up timing and precision
i decide that the best decision
i ever made was enticing the collision
between myself and this scene
i don't mean to be obscene
but fuck anyone who can't handle this living dream
i hear the scream of the music inside my head
even as i crawl into my bed
and smile once again before sleep's grip spreads
i enjoy the places that my memory treads;
so many faces, so many fly threads
crazy hair like DBZ spikes and dreds
"so many different people", like 'no doubt' says
is what makes raves addictive, like LSD coated 'pez'

"fake" - poem (very old...guessing circa 1998)

faltering in her silent steps
she
cries aloud. the light
overwhelms
the senses. come darkness! save
me
from the truth. envelop me
with
your star-studded veil. don't let
her
see our technicolor dreams, for her
plastic
thoughts will pollute the universe, and she will only
smile

"An Evening with Lucy" circa Fall 2001


(originally written on the back of scheduling sheets from a Mann theater I worked at)

he calls out to the sweeping patterns painted upon the sky
confusion sends him spinning off course
the colors won't stop bleeding into each other
so how could he possibly stay within the lines?
everything's all chaos
there's too many angles where there should be curves
delusions crowd his head
all screaming at each other, insisting that they be heard
"shut up!" he shouts "i am in control!"
nothingness laughs back at him, so loud that silence builds to an unbearable level
something inside him snaps and the Transformation is complete
or is he even changing?
too many questions for too small a space
he can feel the air molecules pressing in on all sides
he tries to fight it but something tells him to let go
that arguing with gravity and other such forces of nature would only end with him getting hurt
so he relaxes and allows himself to melt into the breeze
in doing so he becomes pollens and spices from faraway lands
and a million other things too small to be detected by the naked eye
that’s when the mischievousness takes over
if he could not be seen, then how could he be stopped?
a wave of amusement sweeps through him
as he chases cardboard dragonflies and other tentative possibilities
until he is so exhausted he can no longer laugh without his sides hurting
he watches the sun sink into the earth
the cool breath of night awakens all of nature’s insomniacs
the whole universe exhales
and he feels that he is able to stand once again
he does and grows to a height of such great intensity that he hits his head on the moon
“ouch”
the pain is so sharp its almost exquisite
his fingers tingle and he brushes off his self-consciousness so he can walk easier
he can feel dew forming on his eyelashes and silver stars getting entangled in his hair
and he is content, but he feels alone
a walking shadow among brilliant beams of light
but he accepts the darkness because he purposely flips the light switch
“you can’t blame others for your own self-inflicted destruction” he reasons
“did i just think logically? i thought i had left that realm long ago”
then he crashes back down into reality, carried by the weight of rational thought
he is sad because he can no longer deceive those who see with their eyes
or chase flying paper creatures in an emerald sky
but he can still feel the rhythmic breathing of the universe
and he smiles because he knows that those on a different level from him cannot
that comprehension of a greater world is his
that if this is “self-destruction” then surely deterioration is life-giving...

"i cannot for the life of me..." A Gearhead Poem (Circa March 2009)

...fucking sleep
the gears in my head just won't stop turning
yearning
for apexes and curves
racing the birds
towards the heavens
embracing the mountains
words
cannot describe the longing i feel
in my soul
i feel whole
when rubber and steel
are at my command
embrace the wheel in my hands
twisting and turning
nature's demands
and lady luck
are my only concerns
discerning my beloved
free from thinking
all instinct
like breathing or blinking
chase the sun till its sinking
then into the night
you try to follow
all you see
are taillights
and im gone
smiling at your feeble attempts
repeat
your rinsed out
style is spent
long before i've even started
so go join the other ricers
and dearly departed
ill say a prayer for you
next time we meet
just as soon
as i have her back on her feet
i anticipate that day
like a kid's christmas
already have a mile long
wish list
a never ending process
this game we play
but i wouldn't have it
any other way

Monday, May 27, 2013

"Traveler's Mantra" - a poem circa 2011

very old school style prose, like my pre Hip-hop days.. enjoy!

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
-Robert Frost

i dream
in fermented grains
of wild plains
and untamed mountains
challenging freight trains
snow covered passes
spring's fragile grasses
summer's warm, flirtatious embrace
and chilled glasses
filled to the brim
may your cup over-floweth
fellow wanderer, explorer, artist, and poet
go boldly forth
into the unknown
leave behind your family, loved ones, and home
and bear witness to scenes
few others have seen
forge your own path
create your own dreams
and chase them down
despite how overwhelming adversity seems
you will experience hunger
you will know heartache and pain
you will face wildfire and tumultuous rain
you may not survive
you may never come back
but to overcome is to thrive
thru suffering and lack
we learn who we are
our weaknesses and strengths
our boundaries
our ability to push the lengths
of soul and will
despite prosperity or ill
to find happiness within
is a blessed skill
even still
without huge risk
there is no great reward
so keep movin' forward
the journey starts with but a single step
you never know what you'll discover
maybe yourself
the final frontier
so cheers, fellow traveler
to you, me, the unknown
and those whom we love, far away
back at home

Exit Stage Left: A Love Letter to Los Angeles


i finished this right before moving from Southern California to Boulder County:

today is grey quiet and sullen
a reflection of my soul
heavy and swollen
weighted with questions
topics and emotions
heavy as anchors
and deep as oceans
tumultuous storms
wash over my mind
drowning clarity
struggling to find
my way, my path
fighting for breath
among the waves’ wrath
the shore I once knew
and loved so well
is ravaged and torn
a reflection of hell
where is the heaven
i once called home
oh Los Angeles
what have we done?
where is the promise
of golden prosperity
opportunity for all
the tired and poor
we became a charity
spread ourselves too thin
now the infrastructure
is disintegrating from within
the cost of living
is inflated
the local workforce
is degraded
underpaid
overworked
tired and jaded
business is fleeing in droves
driven off by taxes
that never trickle down
just look at the roads
throughout this town
projects lay partially completed
and take decades to finish
this state is depleted
there is nothing left
but broken dreams
smog and potholes
coming apart at the seams
god its fucking awful
i don’t want to admit it
but I gotta let her go
my City of Lights
i love her so
there is nothing here left for me
except a few loved ones
and some scattered family
so I look beyond the Sierras
for a brighter future
severing this bond
like a decayed suture
perhaps one day
i will return
as I know in my heart
i will always yearn
for the mountains, beaches, cities and sleaze
of El Pueblo de la Reina de Los Angeles

"Los Angeles" poem written in a NoHo park circa 2002

i walk the streets of the city
it greets the nitty-gritty
day in and day out
while we struggle to be pretty
if i could
i would leave this vain existence behind
become one with the bricks and cement that i find
as my feet lead me in the direction they desire
i'd grow old with the steel fences and barbed wire
many are inspired by tall trees and mist shrouded mountains
but i am moved by well worn bridges and whispering fountains
so let the rivers of afar
meander on their way
i'm gonna seek solace
in the arms of the city
for today..................