A few nature pics, notes about some things to come here on the blog, plus, "Flutterby" - A New Poem

Hello there!
It's been longer than I prefer since I've last posted on here :/

Between the Neil Young concert my man and I were lucky enough to attend a few weeks ago upstate, being a heat sensitive person in the peak of New England summer (woah, humidity!), and the sudden drop in temps we've had over the last week (WTF, signs of Fall already? Winter is coming! Ah, Rural Vermont Life), along with a few other health issues I won't get into, I have been pretty laid low.
"Low on spoons" as they say ;)

But, I'm back on my feet, caught up on a major freelance project I've been trying to hammer out for some time (Shameless self-plug: Go get a subscription to Auto Restorer magazine!), and am very excited about everything that is happening right now, including posts for this blog that I've been wanting to get out for some time.

Driving Upstate Vermont in Late Summer is a glorious experience! :)

A preview of what's to come:
- A write-up about the Neil Young concert, and the Monsanto/Starbucks/Grocery Manufacturer's Alliance lawsuit against the state of Vermont
- New Product reviews! - UV Clothing, UV Parasols, Collapsible Canes, and other "Spoonie" friendly wear/aids
- The last part of my series about my mental approaches to managing life with chronic illness
- New B.M.F.F.'s - "BadMofo Fridays" - Where each week I'll be highlighting various people who inspire me  
- A new series about who I am, and how I manage my Fibromyalgia thru Diet and Lifestyle
- Completing a series I started a long time ago about how I manage seasonal allergies, colds, and flus using natural remedies that actually work (something that has plagued me since I was born, and have a ton of anecdotal and scientific evidence for)

It's moving more slowly than I'd prefer, but I'm learning how to work with the Fibro and become a better integrated artist, entrepreneur, and person every day.

And that is all that matters.

Fall colors are already starting to show in the mountains up here in New England

And now, a new piece of poetry I wrote over the last few weeks.
I was in a bit of a haze when it came out, and looking at it now, I am still not completely sure who or what this is about. It could be one of a few matters I've been trying to work thru, or a combo of them.

Either way, it's pretty, if I don't say so myself :)
Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!!! 

"FLUTTERBY" 

When you pout

with your cherry stained mouth

Do you ever doubt yourself too?

If it came out that I wasn't strong

could I accept this from you?

You, who can do no wrong

you, who always belong

Like Living Summer

she flutters along

And I wither in her path

Like Living Summer

she flutters along

I'm not bitter or anything

but, sometimes, The Wrath is still strong

Fresh as a stove-top burn

You've scorched me so many times

the scar tissue almost covers the fine lines

and wrinkles

Impressions of Time

upon the skin

Your facade is paper thin

but this is a battle I cannot win

No matter how much I rage and foam

Like Living Summer she flutters and roams

as I look on from this gilded cage

Alone

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen 

Staying Sane in the Midst of a Flare - Keep Pain/Suffering In Context

Been in a pretty rough spot the last few weeks or so due to a flare in my Fibro. Been having major problems with my arms. Had issues with them in the past, but not to this degree. The muscles, tendons, and joints hurt, ache, burn and my whole arms are very weak and shaky.  To the point where I can barely lift my can of seltzer water (*note to self - get straws*).

It's terrifying and frustrating when you've been doing better for a while and then you get debilitated again. And having to manage the pain is the hardest part, not so much the physical side of it, yes that is a huge challenge, but the drugs sure help ("I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me."). Although they don't really make me very functional, just take away the urge to have my arms cut off in hopes of alleviating the pain.

The harder part, for me anyway, is the mental side of pain. Of waking up in Level 10 pain for weeks straight, being too debilitated to do even little things like vacuum, or type (*other note to self, play with voice to text software I was given last year and never messed with* - The creative process just doesn't work the same when my hands aren't involved). Forget about wrenching. All projects are on hold. Yes, I could ask for help, but it's not as satisfying if I don't do the restorations myself. You could say I'm a bit stubborn, yes. If things don't straighten out in the next month I will break down and get some help on my projects. Because up here in Vermont, Winter is Coming! I know it's Midsummer, but we only get so many months to wrench before it gets too cold for major work. Unless you have a heated garage (#goals).

Not only does being miserable from chronic pain/illness/disability make you feel worse, it makes those around you feel awful too. Don't get me wrong, it's pertinent to express one's grief in a healthy manner, but then one must move on. Otherwise we end up a bitter mess that no one wants to be around. And being alone/feeling isolated is another amplifier of disease progression/symptom levels.

I've spoken before about how much Eastern Philosophy helps me manage the mental side of being chronically ill. Today I want to highlight a specific lecture that has been especially helpful to me over the last week as I've struggled with the latest digression in my symptoms.

It's a lecture Alan Watts gave on KQED Public Television in either 1959 or 1960 about Pain/Suffering, and how to manage it mentally using concepts from the East. I hope you find it helpful as well. It's about 30 minutes total, split up into two parts. Below the video clips are a few quotes that stood out to me.





"There is nothing that is so much the very essence of suffering, as the fear of suffering itself."

"The first proposition of the Buddha...is that life as we live it is fundamentally...a kind of chronic frustration, and man's effort is always to get rid of this ["Duhka" - suffering, pain], and go to that ["Suhka" - bliss, happiness]. But the basic idea of the Buddha was that if you have this [suffering], you must have this [bliss] because these two contrast with each other. You don't experience [suffering] unless you experience [bliss], and you don't experience [bliss] unless you experience [suffering]...And therefore, the idea of the Buddha's doctrine was not to get rid of pain and put pleasure in its place, but to go to something else which stands as it were transcending these two opposites, above and beyond them. Which in Sanskrit is called "Ananda" [English equivilant is "ecstasy" - rapture; transport; an overwhelming emotion; a state of sudden, intense feeling]."

"Now how is it that through a profound going into suffering, that is to say, a profound acceptance of it, there can come out of it some sort of bliss? This is the problem we have to understand."

"We find that our feelings depend for their evaluation, as to whether they be positive or negative, very much as to the context in which they occur."

"Therefore, the idea of the Buddha was to become delivered from suffering, not by running away from it, but from looking at the actual concrete reality of what we feel, and forgetting the context." 

Hope you found this to be as helpful as I do! What did you get out of this video?

Should you get any benefit from Mr. Watt's work, please consider supporting his legacy by purchasing some of his original works.

And if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Many thanks for your continued support!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen