WTF Is Fibromyalgia?

Hello everyone! Thanks for checking out my latest blog post. My apologies that I haven’t been writing more, it’s been a great struggle for me. But I do plan on being here more often, sharing information from my journey that I hope will help others in similar situations. Hope you had a great Holiday and New Year surrounded by loved ones and delicious foods! 

I’ve realized that I’ve not yet discussed my chronic illness in detail, so I would like to take some time to talk about that today. 

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WTF is Fibromyalgia? 

Before the decline in my health in 2011, I’d never even heard of Fibromyalgia, nonetheless knew anything about this debilitating chronic illness. I didn’t even really understand what a chronic illness is. I guess it’s one of those things that you couldn’t possibly comprehend unless you’ve experienced it personally, but as a writer I’m compelled to try and describe it so that those lucky enough to not know firsthand may understand, or at least get as close as they can to understanding, what it’s like to not be well, indefinitely. 

A “chronic illness” is defined by The Center for Managing Chronic Disease as “a long lasting condition that can be controlled but not cured.” Examples of chronic illnesses that are probably more familiar are allergies, asthma, epilepsy, and diabetes.

Fibromyalgia is defined by The Mayo Clinic as “a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory, and mood issues.”

If it sounds vague, that’s because it is. Fibro, like many immune or central nervous system (CNS) mediated syndromes and diseases, is poorly understood. The mechanisms of action and onset haven't yet been fully identified. It does not show up on labs and this makes it a huge PITA to diagnose. The current theory is that something is wrong with the part of the brain that processes pain signals, like having the volume knob on an amplifier cranked up to “11” at all times. 

"But, it goes to eleven."

Onset does seem to be “triggered” by a traumatic event or period of stress, such as major surgery, pregnancy/childbirth, or infection. Another interesting fun fact is that Fibro and the rest of the Immune/CNS illnesses are about 9 times more prevalent in women than in men. So hormones seem to play a role in this as well. It's a great medical mystery that I've become mildly obsessed with. 

We could read medical definitions ‘til the cows come home, but they don’t do a good job painting a picture about what the person affected is feeling or how their life is impacted.

So this is Fibromyalgia in my own words. 

It’s been very painful to write these concepts down, and even more difficult to share them, but I know it’s pertinent to the grieving process to get this stuff out. I think partly what’s held me back from sharing these gritty details, is not just because it’s uncomfortable, but also because I don’t want to be defined by my illness. I don’t want to be looked at as “that sick girl”, the person who is always talking about their diet or meds or symptoms or whatnot. I don't want to make others uncomfortable or scared by being honest about how I feel. I don’t want people to see me coming and duck for cover out of fear they will get cornered by a health related lecture or seemingly endless complaints about my latest aches and pains. 

But I do feel that it’s important to “come out of the closet”, so to speak. Us sick people need to share so that others know they’re not alone. And maybe by describing my experience I can help those not directly impacted understand these “invisible illnesses” a little better. 

I do not share this out of a desire for pity, but in the hopes of educating and inspiring :)

FIBROMYALGIA IS...

...Insidious and mostly invisible, like a slow poison. Confusing because it's different from day to day and person to person. Sometimes I need a cane, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have the energy to do things on my own, and sometimes I don't. Making plans can be difficult because it's hard to predict how I'll be feeling in the future.

...People telling you “But you don’t look sick!” or "I wish I were as skinny as you!" thinking they’re being helpful when actually they’re discounting your experience.

...Being undiagnosed for three years. Looking for answers for three years. Doing all manner of tests and bouncing from specialist to specialist to specialist. Hemorrhaging money to try and figure things out. Being told you’re not sick, you’re making it up, you’re a hypochondriac, you’re sensitive, you’re mentally ill. 

...Going from an overtime working, SoCal commuting, hardcore raving and clubbing, race car fixing, beach combing, social butterfly, to a homebound hermit who can no longer stomach the facades of Facebook, in less than three years. 

...Having a timeline for your life: “Before I Got Sick” and “After I Got Sick”.

...Changes in the way my brain works that adversely affect creativity, memory, and the ability to focus, solve problems, and communicate. Writing used to flow out of me like water, now I struggle to squeeze it out drops at a time. I’ve become much more image based and thus am developing a newfound love of the visual arts. I’ve also become incredibly self-conscious about social interaction.

...Being a half Mexican from L.A. who has become extremely limited in where I can choose to live or travel because of debilitating sensitivities to UV rays and fluctuations in Barometric Pressure. A Mexican, sensitive to the sun!?! WTF?

...Missing sunbathing like a bird with clipped wings misses flying.

...No longer being able to work or be self-sufficient, but not qualifying for SSI/SSDI, and feeling like a burden to your loved ones as a result.

...Not being able to remember anything like I used to! Important dates, what time it is even though I just looked, what I came into this room to do (or was it to get something or tell somebody something?), how to spell words I never struggled to spell before, if I left the stove on, if I’ve told you this story already, if I’ve taken my supplements today. 

...PAIN. Indefinitely. With an opiate allergy. Threatening to drive you mad. Affecting the positions you use when trying to sleep. Stabbing. Throbbing. Aching. Burning. In my gut and abdomen. In my muscles. In my tendons. In my nerve endings. In my joints. In the bottoms of my feet. In my head. In my eyes. When I menstruate or ovulate. Sometimes it’s just one body part that’s bothering me, other times it’s everything at once.

...Struggling to eat/maintain a healthy weight, and feeling nauseous and sick most of the time, like a nuclear bomb went off in my gut.

...Feeling trapped inside my own body. Like my body has betrayed me. 

...Feeling like my life has been flipped upside-down, like I don’t have control over anything.

...Feeling misunderstood by everyone, including family, and struggling to express myself properly so they can understand better.

...Mind-blowing insomnia, like trying to sleep while buzzing off stimulatory drugs, mixed with extreme hypersomnia that makes me feel like a sloth with narcolepsy.

...Feeling like I have the stamina and vitality of a frail 95 year old woman carrying a 50 pound pack of lead. 

...Feeling like I’m on a roller coaster I can’t get off of when my vertigo kicks in.

...Feeling like I’m a rusted Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz when I’ve pushed too far and my chronic fatigue, inflammation, and arthritis kick into overdrive, making it difficult to move or walk.

Good friends are always there to help get you unstuck :)

...Losing Confidence: to go for drives, trips, or run errands by myself; to have conversations; to keep up on bills; to be an independent adult. 

...STRESS: Over money. Over my health. Over where I live vs. where I want to be. Over safe access to medicinal cannabis and other plant medicines. Over what people think. Over the lack of a light at the end of the tunnel.

...Desperately struggling to accept “a new normal”, while being tortured by dreams in my sleep of “my old life, the way things used to be”.

...Losing pigment in my skin, and getting random rashes and itchy feelings everywhere.

...Having half as much hair on my head as I did before 2011.

...Having your joints lock up on you and creak like an old haunted house. 

...Only having about 4-6 hours in each day I can be active before I burn out and need rest, usually for the rest of the day.

...Being best friends with a cat.

...Trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what’s next.

...Needing weeks to put together a measly blog post :/

That was a lot of some pretty heavy shit, so here's an adorable pic of my cat Freya to perk us up :)

*Whew*

That was some pretty heavy stuff. Hopefully educational though. 

I must confess it does feel good to finally be talking openly about my life as a chronically ill person. 

On to the “inspirational” part...

I would like to also include some positive things that have come out of this experience. Learning to cultivate an “Attitude of Gratitude” has become a vital part of my “Wellness Action Plan”. I cannot cure Fibromyalgia, but I can choose to not let it beat me down or ruin my life. I don’t have to quit, I don’t have to accept “no” or “you can’t”. I can still live a fulfilling and beautiful life!

FIBROMYALGIA HAS GIVEN ME:

...An opportunity to get to know myself intimately, becoming a stronger and more integrated person everyday.

...Exposure to industries, people, and ideas I probably wouldn’t have otherwise: Medical Cannabis and other Plant Medicines, Natural and Alternative Medicine, Herbalism, Neurochemistry and Pharmacology, Shamanism, Eastern Philosophy, Psychology, Personal Development, Alternative Spiritual Paths that truly resonate with me, Comedy and the healing power of Laughter, Alan Watts, Sasha and Ann Shulgin, Terence and Dennis McKenna, Carl Jung, Jim Rohn, Darren Hardy.

...Liberation from being overly attached to society and fear - fear of death, fear of being able to keep up with The Jones’s, fear of complying with the Status Quo, fear of consciousness exploration, fear of pain.

...An opportunity to contribute to causes far greater than my previous pursuits and truly serve others. 

...A strengthened and enriching bond with my super amazing boyfriend/hetero-life-partner. 

...A healthier perspective on life - “how to be truly present”, how to be grateful for all the little things we take for granted - the time we’ve been given in this life, being able to see, hear, speak, walk, taste, smell, stand in the sunshine, make love, give love, create, destroy. 

...The empowerment to believe in myself and take 100% responsibility for everything in my life.

...The opportunity to learn that I can overcome any obstacle, especially the greatest of all: Those that reside in my own head. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this super-duper long post! 

I hope you found it informative and inspiring :)

What are some tools you use to overcome your circumstances? 

What are you grateful for in the midst of any challenges you face?

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Going Stir-Crazy from being Homebound!!! (And, How to Get Over It)

There is no way for me to properly explain the loneliness and isolation that comes with being chronically ill and homebound as a result. Perhaps I’ve been feeling extra bummed out lately because of the Elimination Diet I have been working on for the last 13 days (not that anyone’s counting!). I have wanted to write about it, along with my discoveries about the Gut and Vitamin D and all these amazing things I have been experimenting with to manage my illness, plus I have a ton of old writing and poetry to go thru and post, but I have been so bogged down. Just so exhausted and “blah”, not having the energy to do anything but sleep and wallow. I'm just so freakin' sick and tired of being sick and tired!! It's making me feel like this:

The main reason why I’m homebound is due to a severe UV sensitivity, so you would think with the days finally getting shorter and cooler my mood would be perking up. Soon it will be snowy and cold and I will no longer be filled with constant pangs of jealousy and depression every time I see a beautiful woman showing off her long tan legs in short shorts or walking past my window to go sun by the community pool. Being half Mexican, I tan quite nicely, and have been a “Sun Worshiper” my whole life. I miss the sun in ways I didn’t know was possible, and even have dreams about the way it feels to stand in sunlight…the warmth of the rays as they soak into the skin, the relaxing, zen-like feeling that comes from absorbing sunlight after several minutes, the almost magical way my hair lightens and skin becomes bronze…And it’s not just sunlight. I’m sensitive to any sort of UV light now, like HID or florescent, or even glares and bright lights. If I’m not aware of my environment, I could end up dizzy, nauseous, light headed, fatigued, and aggravating my arthritis. So no more indoor grows for me (*sniffle*), and if I’m well enough to go shopping, a lot of the time I have to be quick about it, or I start to feel sick from the lights. Obviously shopping online is my ideal way now (all praise Amazon!), but again, that is just another way in which human interaction is being cut from my life. I should have spent this summer hiking and climbing rocks and getting drunk by pools and riding bicycles along the paths of Boulder and dreading going to work. Not stuck inside my apartment like some freakish, depressed, vampire watching the world pass me by. I now understand the lonely people who would call the call centers I worked at in the past just to hear someone else’s voice.
So yes, I do get excited when I think about the coming holiday season, it’s my favorite time of year and I have been dreaming up recipe, décor, and party ideas. But there’s this pit in my stomach too. Being sick for the last few years has eaten away at my social life, and I’ve fallen out of touch from so many people. It’s just so fucking hard to talk to people when you’re going through something like this. You don’t understand what’s going on with your body or your mind, you just want things to get better but they won’t, and when people ask me how I’m doing I tend to just be a depressing mess in my response. I’m afraid a few old friends have reached out to me lately and my responses were very negative. I was so ecstatic to hear from them, to know that I’m being thought of and missed, but instead of saying that, all that came out was a verbal vomit of “woe is my life”. Its so difficult not to become a resentful, bitter shell of who you once were and push everyone away because you hate them for not being sick, for having their “normal” lives and “normal” problems, you hate them for complaining about being “bored” when they have NO idea what bored is, or for commenting on the weather (“How nice that the sun came back out!”). Then you hate yourself for being bitter and resentful, because you know it’s not right, and it threatens to become a self-perpetuating cycle of isolating anguish and despair. I used to be a social butterfly, always looking for the next adventure, always the one organizing parties and linking people together…but now I have hardly any friends that I see or speak to on a regular basis. Who will I invite to my holiday gatherings this year?

Luckily, even as I type this, I know I can change this, that I can make this better. It’s up to me after all. This is my life; I must take responsibility for my happiness. It’s true that not having a phone or a car sure makes being social that much more of a challenge, especially in my case. It’s true that this whole situation sucks and that I have been desperately struggling to communicate effectively, which has made maintaining my friendships even more of a challenge. But, to quote the late, great Jim Rohn, “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” I have to remember that I am so much more than my “meat vessel”, that I am divine infinite energy, and that I have work to do. There’s this voice inside that won’t let me give up, that tells me that I’m important, that even little me can make a difference. And that I shouldn’t worry about my social life, that those friends who are true will understand we all go through hard times that can make us sucky communicators, and they will still love and support me and come to any gatherings I organize. Hopefully through this blog I can help them to understand me better, and maybe I can help other “Chronic Badasses” to pick themselves off the floor as well.

And so, with that being said, I have work to do. I have friendships to patch up, a garden to water, dishes to do, a body and mind to heal, and this blog to improve. I have everything I need at my disposal. Truly, I am blessed. The Universal Search Engine makes it possible. There’s no better time to be homebound!

When I flip my attitude around, I realize how much I have to do, even if I’m too sick to work or leave my house often. I’m grateful for my garden, for my cat who acts as a lovely Companion, for my wonderful boyfriend/caregiver, my art and writing, for all the wonderful texts there are to read, more than could be read in ten lifetimes, and for the spiritual practices I’m developing. I feel like its super pertinent to have these things in one’s life, especially if you are chronically ill, disabled, and/or homebound. Another thing that helps me a lot too is creating and sticking to a “schedule” of some kind. It can be quite easy to become a complete POS who never changes out of PJ’s or puts deodorant on when you’re in this kind of a situation, and I have found that not only grosses out my boyfriend, I am nowhere near as productive, creative, or fulfilled as when I’m sticking to a sort of routine. I try to implement what Darren Hardy calls “bookends”; I try to have a routine I do every morning and every night. For me, this includes making tea, making a gratitude list and/or free writing/journaling, stretching and doing light exercise if I’m feeling well enough, creating a To-Do list for the day, and incorporating some of my current spiritual practices, like working with the Tarot. The To-Do list I have found is especially helpful; when you’re not working and you’re used to being a bread winner you can easily feel like you’re not doing anything of value. By creating a list of things I want to get done in the day, even if it seems miniscule, like checking the mail, doing the dishes, or making my Green Drink, I feel empowered and productive as I accomplish each goal and check it off the list.

Just because I’m not able to work or have a “normal” life, doesn’t mean I can’t have a meaningful, fulfilling, productive, creative, and successful experience in this Karmic Round. I just have to get off my ass and do something about it, and consistently. When I’m feeling “blah”, like I have recently, I have to turn that energy around. It’s absolutely pertinent if I want to get anything done or to feel good about myself. I do that by making myself laugh or become inspired. There’s tons of great podcasts, music, and blogs out there to help turn that frown upside down. Even though I’m not Christian (not that I have a problem with it if you are, I respect all people’s rights to pursue their own spiritual paths), this song in particular has been helping me a lot lately, and maybe it will help you too, so I’ll end this post with it, and a HUGE thank you for taking the time to read this.

I’d love to know how you make yourself feel positive and fulfilled, despite any disabilities you may have.

Love & Light


Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Living with Chronic Illness - Making a Heaven out of Hell

First off, I would like to give my sincerest apologies for falling off the face of the planet for the last few months.

What have I been up to, one might ask?

Well, to be honest, I am ashamed to say I have been mostly doing this:

Which I think anyone would do in similar circumstances, but you don't get a lot done, and you're likely to miss any opportunities that come your way (like a call from the Blue Man Group or about the part as Scared Inmate #2).

For the last few years I have been battling debilitating chronic illness, and until about a month ago was eluded in reaching a diagnoses.  During that time, I have been told that I'm mentally ill, had doctors give up on me, had friends, family and acquaintances think its all in my head or I'm lazy, racked up medical debt, and had unnecessary invasive medical procedures. To put it lightly, I have been through the ringer, and despite the denial of everyone else, my physical condition has continued to decline. When I developed my UV sensitivity and my eyeballs started hurting, I knew things were going haywire and needed to be addressed asap. So I said screw these doctors I'm working with and saw a dermatologist and ophthalmologist. It was the ophthalmologist who finally diagnosed me. She was the only one who was willing to admit she doesn't know everything, and the only one who pulled out a laptop to conduct research with me. The ego of the majority of most medical professionals is impossible to comprehend until you have experienced it.

Ya'all need to take some freakin' communication courses!!!
(I'm not from the South, but ya'all is such a fun phrase, don't you think?)

It has been very hard to process, as there are no "cures" for this rare and misunderstood genetically inherited autoimmune disease, Vogt-Koyanagi-Harada, or VKH for short. All you can do for immune diseases is manage them, and if you're lucky and play your cards right you will get to live a "relatively normal" life, with a "close to average" lifespan.  This is a very heavy thing to lay on anyone, but especially someone who is under 30 (not by much, but still!) and naturally active and independent. Which is why I started working at 15 and prefer to turn my own wrenches. Seriously homie, get your dirty paws off the MR2. Thanks.

(Please be aware that VKH affects your cognitive functions, so if I repeat words or make some other typo please be kind. This is partly why I haven't been writing. I will be checking this thing over several times before posting for errors, but will probably still miss a few. Thanks!)

But I'm freakin sick and tired of being sick and tired, and if you can't change a situation, you might as well change your attitude or perception of it, so now that I have spent nearly the last year feeling lost and depressed, I've decided to stop crying, start laughing, and do something about it. Perhaps its the Yaqi in me, but even through my darkest days there has been this voice coming from deep inside that won't let me give up on myself, that says I must fight, that I have work to do.

For people who have autoimmune diseases, the time period between onset and diagnoses is very pertinent to minimizing damage done to the body by the very mechanisms in place designed to protect it from harm. And unfortunately my experience has taught me that these diseases are highly misunderstood, as statistics show it takes an average of 7-10 years for people with autoimmune diseases to get proper diagnoses. 7-10 long, horrendous, tortuous years of bouncing from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist, pill to pill, racking up debt even if you have insurance because there's still co-pays and traveling to and from the various offices and taking time off to go to these appointments (if you're lucky enough to still be able to work), and the out of pocket cost of often unnecessary invasive procedures, or ones that could have been conducted better had the etiology of the symptoms been properly understood.  7-10 years of friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, all looking at you funny, wondering what is wrong with you, being worried about you, or thinking you're totally nuts, a hypochondriac, or an attention whore. 7-10 years of your life absorbed by worry, anger, anxiety, fear, depression, doubt, and struggle to adjust to continual changes and loss.

I have experienced all of this, but have been lucky as it has only been about 3 years for me, though technically my research and medical history have shown that the VKH started manifesting when I was a child and has flared on and off in until recently unrecognized forms. And that is what makes the onset of autoimmune disease so insidious. Its invisible. Its your immune system turning on your body, so it starts at the cellular level, sorta like cancer (its actually odd how similar cancer and immune diseases are, in fact the same medical treatments are used for both!), and often times it takes many years for displayed symptoms to show up as abnormal markers in lab results, which means you could be literally dying, but your blood and urine samples come up "normal". This is another aspect of the human body that seems to be misunderstood by doctors and is maddening. I have lost count of how many times I have had blood work pulled while I was in debilitating inflammatory pain but no abnormal levels of inflammatory markers show up, or had urine analysis come back within normal ranges despite the fact my kidneys were melting down.

If you have a chronic illness, especially an immune mediated one, or are close/have been close to someone who does, then what I am saying here is old news. But most people will be lucky enough to have no idea what it is like to be physically and/or mentally inhibited. They don't know what its like to be robbed of capabilities we take for granted, to have everything flipped on them, never to be put back the way it was, and its all up to you to make sense of it and somehow piece together a "life" out of it. All this, while the Real World continues to move on; the rent is still due, the car still needs to be fixed, the fridge won't fill itself. The Real World can be a cold and heartless one when you're struggling with your own mortality. The Real World forgets about the important things, like cherishing the present moment and all that you have, even if you can't do many of the things you once took for granted. And the Real World also forgets about questioning the status quo, about pushing boundaries, looking for alternative solutions, and not taking "no" for an answer. Its too tired from working all day to change the World. It just wants the nice house and paid vacation.

I was frustrated at first by the time that went by between my onset of latest symptoms in 2011 and my diagnoses in July, but I have come to understand that it has been a massive blessing in disguise. The time spent chasing medical ghosts when I first got sick, combined with my lack of transportation, a lag in medical coverage when I was no longer well enough to pursue my career, my UV sensitivity and other physical disabilities, and living in a place over a mile high that gets more than 300 days of annual sunshine, all played a role in the delay in my diagnoses. I cursed each and every one of them more times than I care to admit, but again, the delay was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. It has forced me to think outside-the-box, to research biochemistry and the inner workings of the body more thoroughly than I would have if I had doctors thinking for me and feeding me pills, and to question the efficacy of those pills and the very nature of our medical industry as a whole.
In short, I feel that I have unwittingly avoided a path that probably would have exacerbated the situation rather than helped, and I have re-discovered knowledge that humans have cherished since time immemorial but has been blown asunder by the "Pharmocratic Inquisition" that's developed a stranglehold on the Western Medical System for the last 150 years or so. I have also discovered some fascinating correlations between disease and environment, which I look forward to discussing at length on this blog. It seems those of us with autoimmune disease are the "canaries of the world", and the toxicity of our industrial lifestyles that has been poisoning the planet since the onset of the Industrial Revolution are traveling all the way up the food chain, back to us, the creators of said destruction. Karma at its finest, no?

My thesis is this: Cancer, autoimmune diseases...they may have some genetic pre-dispositons, but their underlying roots are Environmental, meaning, toxicity or imbalance. Currently, "we don't know" what causes these problems in the body, and we are "searching for The Marker Gene and The Cure! Cut off your breasts now, before its too late!" (Donate Now!). Yet, after years of technical research into these matters, everything seems to be tied to be same basic concept: Everything in Nature has a natural state of stasis, and is always trying to maintain that balance. Throw it out of balance in some way (i.e. stress), and it will do whatever it can to regain that original state. Just because you have a marker for a disease, does not mean it will manifest, and not having a marker does not mean you are in the free and clear. Fun Fact: Only about 5% of women who get breast cancer have a genetic marker for it. That means around 95% of women with breast cancer have no family history of it! Doesn't it seem odd, then, that we are so focused on genetic markers, and aren't focusing more heavily on other factors? Could it have anything to do with gene patents and the gargantuan amount of money to be made thru this new industry?? Or maybe that looking deeper would reveal an even deeper set of problems humanity has yet to tackle? Hmmm....
The Human Body is an amazing organism that has evolved from various bits and pieces throughout the millenia...some mitochoncria here, some intestinal flora there...and, sorta like a high security office building, it needed a way to identify the folks who were supposed to be there doing their job, from the trespassers who were there to infiltrate the system from the outside. Our bodies developed all kinds of mind-bogglingly complex systems to do exactly that, ranging from the equivalent of armed security guards to ID cards to filters. But, a guard can be tricked or blinded, ID cards can be faked, and filters can become compromised from too many particulates and stop working. In the same way, our bodies can be infiltrated by organisms that don't belong there, that throw us out of balance, and can only handle so much stress in one life-time. In a very strained body, something will eventually have to give, and in a "perfect storm", you get Cancer, or Vogt-Koyanagi-Harada.

My story (and the story of my father, who is also a VKH Fighter and from whom I inherited the genetic pre-disposition) is a text-book perfect example of a body that has been pushed too far. And the more research I do, the more this seems to be the case with anyone suffering from chronic illness.

I plan to tell my story on this blog, so that others may learn from it, and to share my personal discoveries and knowledge with others, to help further unite the community of those living with chronic illness, and to help shed some light on these mysteries and hopefully help fuel the drive for new research into fields neglected by The Status Quo. Cannabis is a prime and obivous example. Its 20-fucking-13 people, why in the fuck aren't we using this plant like crazy in medical studies??? Why is there still a stigma about it in our society? I lost 4 friends to overdoses before they turned 25, ALL of them were caused by legal, pharmaceutical drugs. You ever hear of anyone dying from a cannabis overdose!?.

 I am using myself as a guinea pig, re-discovering the Lost Knowledge of Plants and Fungi, and have found some rather promising potential so far. The most exciting part is I have just barely scratched the surface.

I look forward to this exciting and rewarding adventure! I hope you will join me and share your constructive thoughts and ideas as well. Because "none of us is as smart as all of us".

Thank you for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)