A few nature pics, notes about some things to come here on the blog, plus, "Flutterby" - A New Poem

Hello there!
It's been longer than I prefer since I've last posted on here :/

Between the Neil Young concert my man and I were lucky enough to attend a few weeks ago upstate, being a heat sensitive person in the peak of New England summer (woah, humidity!), and the sudden drop in temps we've had over the last week (WTF, signs of Fall already? Winter is coming! Ah, Rural Vermont Life), along with a few other health issues I won't get into, I have been pretty laid low.
"Low on spoons" as they say ;)

But, I'm back on my feet, caught up on a major freelance project I've been trying to hammer out for some time (Shameless self-plug: Go get a subscription to Auto Restorer magazine!), and am very excited about everything that is happening right now, including posts for this blog that I've been wanting to get out for some time.

Driving Upstate Vermont in Late Summer is a glorious experience! :)

A preview of what's to come:
- A write-up about the Neil Young concert, and the Monsanto/Starbucks/Grocery Manufacturer's Alliance lawsuit against the state of Vermont
- New Product reviews! - UV Clothing, UV Parasols, Collapsible Canes, and other "Spoonie" friendly wear/aids
- The last part of my series about my mental approaches to managing life with chronic illness
- New B.M.F.F.'s - "BadMofo Fridays" - Where each week I'll be highlighting various people who inspire me  
- A new series about who I am, and how I manage my Fibromyalgia thru Diet and Lifestyle
- Completing a series I started a long time ago about how I manage seasonal allergies, colds, and flus using natural remedies that actually work (something that has plagued me since I was born, and have a ton of anecdotal and scientific evidence for)

It's moving more slowly than I'd prefer, but I'm learning how to work with the Fibro and become a better integrated artist, entrepreneur, and person every day.

And that is all that matters.

Fall colors are already starting to show in the mountains up here in New England

And now, a new piece of poetry I wrote over the last few weeks.
I was in a bit of a haze when it came out, and looking at it now, I am still not completely sure who or what this is about. It could be one of a few matters I've been trying to work thru, or a combo of them.

Either way, it's pretty, if I don't say so myself :)
Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!!! 

"FLUTTERBY" 

When you pout

with your cherry stained mouth

Do you ever doubt yourself too?

If it came out that I wasn't strong

could I accept this from you?

You, who can do no wrong

you, who always belong

Like Living Summer

she flutters along

And I wither in her path

Like Living Summer

she flutters along

I'm not bitter or anything

but, sometimes, The Wrath is still strong

Fresh as a stove-top burn

You've scorched me so many times

the scar tissue almost covers the fine lines

and wrinkles

Impressions of Time

upon the skin

Your facade is paper thin

but this is a battle I cannot win

No matter how much I rage and foam

Like Living Summer she flutters and roams

as I look on from this gilded cage

Alone

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen 

Staying Sane in the Midst of a Flare - Keep Pain/Suffering In Context

Been in a pretty rough spot the last few weeks or so due to a flare in my Fibro. Been having major problems with my arms. Had issues with them in the past, but not to this degree. The muscles, tendons, and joints hurt, ache, burn and my whole arms are very weak and shaky.  To the point where I can barely lift my can of seltzer water (*note to self - get straws*).

It's terrifying and frustrating when you've been doing better for a while and then you get debilitated again. And having to manage the pain is the hardest part, not so much the physical side of it, yes that is a huge challenge, but the drugs sure help ("I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me."). Although they don't really make me very functional, just take away the urge to have my arms cut off in hopes of alleviating the pain.

The harder part, for me anyway, is the mental side of pain. Of waking up in Level 10 pain for weeks straight, being too debilitated to do even little things like vacuum, or type (*other note to self, play with voice to text software I was given last year and never messed with* - The creative process just doesn't work the same when my hands aren't involved). Forget about wrenching. All projects are on hold. Yes, I could ask for help, but it's not as satisfying if I don't do the restorations myself. You could say I'm a bit stubborn, yes. If things don't straighten out in the next month I will break down and get some help on my projects. Because up here in Vermont, Winter is Coming! I know it's Midsummer, but we only get so many months to wrench before it gets too cold for major work. Unless you have a heated garage (#goals).

Not only does being miserable from chronic pain/illness/disability make you feel worse, it makes those around you feel awful too. Don't get me wrong, it's pertinent to express one's grief in a healthy manner, but then one must move on. Otherwise we end up a bitter mess that no one wants to be around. And being alone/feeling isolated is another amplifier of disease progression/symptom levels.

I've spoken before about how much Eastern Philosophy helps me manage the mental side of being chronically ill. Today I want to highlight a specific lecture that has been especially helpful to me over the last week as I've struggled with the latest digression in my symptoms.

It's a lecture Alan Watts gave on KQED Public Television in either 1959 or 1960 about Pain/Suffering, and how to manage it mentally using concepts from the East. I hope you find it helpful as well. It's about 30 minutes total, split up into two parts. Below the video clips are a few quotes that stood out to me.





"There is nothing that is so much the very essence of suffering, as the fear of suffering itself."

"The first proposition of the Buddha...is that life as we live it is fundamentally...a kind of chronic frustration, and man's effort is always to get rid of this ["Duhka" - suffering, pain], and go to that ["Suhka" - bliss, happiness]. But the basic idea of the Buddha was that if you have this [suffering], you must have this [bliss] because these two contrast with each other. You don't experience [suffering] unless you experience [bliss], and you don't experience [bliss] unless you experience [suffering]...And therefore, the idea of the Buddha's doctrine was not to get rid of pain and put pleasure in its place, but to go to something else which stands as it were transcending these two opposites, above and beyond them. Which in Sanskrit is called "Ananda" [English equivilant is "ecstasy" - rapture; transport; an overwhelming emotion; a state of sudden, intense feeling]."

"Now how is it that through a profound going into suffering, that is to say, a profound acceptance of it, there can come out of it some sort of bliss? This is the problem we have to understand."

"We find that our feelings depend for their evaluation, as to whether they be positive or negative, very much as to the context in which they occur."

"Therefore, the idea of the Buddha was to become delivered from suffering, not by running away from it, but from looking at the actual concrete reality of what we feel, and forgetting the context." 

Hope you found this to be as helpful as I do! What did you get out of this video?

Should you get any benefit from Mr. Watt's work, please consider supporting his legacy by purchasing some of his original works.

And if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Many thanks for your continued support!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Staying Positive While Living With a Chronic Illness - Comedy & Humor

Journal Entry from earlier this morning:

"Rough start so far, but determined to turn things around. Emo and in pain from ovulation. Didn't sleep as long/deeply as needed and am exhausted and ready to go back to bed even though I just got up. Also stiff, sore, nauseous. Woke up sad/angry about my life circumstances - about feeling rejected/misunderstood by both sides of my family, about money, independence, my health and stamina and sun sensitivity, disability. My brain started going down fast. Started crying, feeling overwhelmed, wanted to break down and start destroying furniture and shit. But this energy does nothing positive or constructive for me at all, and I know everything I'm feeling is valid, but I must channel the river of my emotions accordingly so as not to get swept away in a path of irreversible destruction. 

This day is mine, I claim it, to do with it as I please. I will focus on my blessings, all that I do have, and I will work my ass off to the best of my ability to get as much done as I can, and whatever my best is today, that's okay. It's okay to feel what I feel. It's not okay to wallow, to waste this precious gift of a day by crying and feeling sorry for myself, by focusing on what I lack. This days is mine, I claim and own it, here and now. I can make it into whatever I want it to be, whatever I choose to focus on. 

And I choose love and light and magick and art and creativity and laughter and adventure and service. 

This I choose. And so it shall be. 

Praise Jah!"

Living with Fibromyalgia means that I wake up pretty much every day already struggling before I even get out of bed. With either physical pain and other symptoms like nausea, vertigo, and arthritis, or mental/emotional pain due to chronic illness and disability, like anxiety and depression. Waking up feeling awful makes not only turning your day (and anyone's who happens to wake up next to you) around incredibly difficult, being overwhelmed by emotion can sap one of energy and deplete your immune system, which is already quite taxed for us "spoonies" of the world.

So, how do I turn shitty mornings, or anytime of day, around into something positive and productive, despite the fact that I live with a debilitating, life altering and life long illness?
In my previous post in this series, I discussed the benefits I receive from daily studies of psychology and philosophy. Today I'll be discussing the next cornerstones in my drug-free symptom management tool kit - Comedy and Humor. As I was writing the previously quoted journal entry earlier today, I put my favorite comedy bits on and you can see how it helped turn my mood from dark, stormy, destruction into one of determination and positive focus.

Simply Google "the benefits of laughter" and countless medical resources come up with articles detailing how laughter, like creativity, aids blood pressure and vascular flow, reduces stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, helps the pituitary gland produce endogenous opiates thus naturally reducing pain, increase memory and learning, bond partners/groups and the two halves of the brain, and workout the diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, leg, and back muscles. Working out while laughing? What a fun extra side effect! I'll take all the extra exercise I can, since my stamina is still pretty low and I'm not able to be as active as I'd like. And as for the strengthening bonds thing, I can tell you firsthand that humor is one of the biggest saviors of my long-term relationship, which started shortly before the onset of my illness and has seen some serious tests over the 4 plus years we've been together now.

Check out this quote from Dr. William Fry of Stanford University on http://www.care2.com:

"Humor and creativity work in similar ways – by creating relationships between two disconnected items, you engage the whole brain. Humor works quickly. Less than a half-second after exposure to something funny, and electrical wave moves through the higher brain functions of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere analyzes the words and structures of the joke; the right hemisphere “gets” the joke; the visual sensory area of the occipital lobe creates images; the limbic (emotional) system makes you happier; and the motor sections make you smile or laugh.

So let’s laugh."

Word, homie! Let's laugh indeed, even in the face of seemingly overwhelming circumstances. 
One of my favorite ways to get my daily dose of comedy is through podcasts. Podcasts have become one of my favorite media sources because they are usually free, instantly accessible, and have very little advertising - which not only means less commercials to skip through, but more freedom to the podcasters to express themselves without censoring their beliefs or language.

Some of my favorite podcasts for comedy are: The Joe Rogan Experience (he also has very interesting guests on there, so you learn while you laugh), Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast, and The Duncan Trussell Family Hour (he also has interesting guests in addition to being very funny, and a few years ago overcame cancer in one of his balls and the loss of his mother - whom he had on as a guest not longer before she passed and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed).

Here's some of my favorite comedy bits (all of which I've watched this morning). 
Hope you enjoy them as much as I do! 

I love this bit and have watched it probably dozens of times. This is my go-to when I feel especially down and have no interest in anything goofy or silly. But it perks me up everytime! 


The Stages of Grief by Robot Chicken. I find it to be a perfect metaphor for chronic illness/disability especially. Fucking hilarious!


Maybe you have to be sorta fucked up or have crazy family to truly appreciate "Billiam", but I love this man. He is probably one of my favorite comedians. 


Haha yes, at 30 years old, this is my life right now!


Fucked up thoughts, we all have 'em. Bill's just happens to be really funny. Maybe partly why I love this man so much is he makes me feel sane ;) 


One last Bill Burr bit. For recovering Christians like myself. I laughed so hard the first time I saw this one I teared up :)

More Robot Chicken, some of their Star Wars Parodies (some of my faves, go Seth Green!)

I could list dozens more of my favorite comedy bits, but I think I've given you enough to mull over here for now. 

What are some of your favorite ways to laugh, or do you have any favorite comedians or podcasts?

Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Accepting a "New Normal" - My Struggle with Reintegration

Old Zen Saying: 

“Before enlightenment, carry water, chop wood. After enlightenment, carry water, chop wood.”

“Where the hell have you been, Renata?”

It’s been several months since I’ve updated this blog, or been a regular on Facebook, or responded to emails in a timely manner. A lot of people in my life have been wondering what happened to me, and I’ve been stuck in my own little world, struggling to reconnect and carry on with my life.

In fact, ever since I was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in February, I’ve found I’ve had to force myself to interact with others. Every aspect of my life, especially my social and personal life, has been flipped completely upside-down, especially when I first started getting sick.  I was so taken by surprise and overwhelmed and heartbroken by the deterioration in my health, it was all I could do to keep up with each day. I was riddled with grief, bitterness, anger, and despair over the perceived betrayal of my body and mind as my condition continued to get worse, despite my best efforts and countless labs and tests to try and figure things out. But at least then I was still trying to reach out to others. When my illness became so bad I was completely homebound, I found myself consumed with depression, and felt hideous stabs of heart-wrenching envy towards others in better health. Like a poison it seeped into every pore and warped my perception of reality. Suddenly my Facebook feed was filled with negative comments, petty complaints, and self-absorbed pictures. Conversations with most people seemed to revolve around things that no longer matter to me, like what commercials were funny last night, what the major headlines were, or who won American Idol. It grossed me out, shocked and confused me, had become something I could no longer identify with.

In short, I felt as though I had been completely removed from society. Like a homeless person pressed up against a restaurant window, drooling over all the marvelous dishes being served inside, imagining what it tastes like, smells like, feels like, to be one of those lucky diners on the other side of the glass. Hungering for the shared experience but having no idea how to become integrated, and despairing over the loss. Despairing because you feel like you will never, ever get to be apart of the greater whole ever again.

Not my art, but yeah this is a good visual of my struggle

After three long years of desperately seeking some sort of official diagnoses and finally getting it earlier this year, you’d think that would make it easier to reintegrate. To pick up the pieces of my life and fit them back together. Or at least I thought that’s what would happen. Instead, I find myself still desperately struggling to become apart of the fabric of society again. Not only to help others in any way I can, especially those who suffer from chronic illness or pain, a calling I feel deep in my soul and cannot ignore, but for my own sanity as well. Human beings are social creatures, we need intimacy and interaction to be healthy, whole people. I used to be an incredibly social person, always keeping up on the affairs of those I care about, organizing and attending events of all kinds, but that has all changed over the last couple years. Mostly it has to do with my chronic fatigue, compromised mental capacities, and UV sensitivity. I just don’t have the energy to do what I used to, and my “brain fog” affects my memory and communication skills, which makes me self-conscious in ways I never was before 2011. And the light sensitivity is just downright fucking inconvenient and odd. I always get the “This bitch is crazy!” look from others when it’s brought up in conversation or they notice me shunning sunshine and fluorescent lights like some kind of non-sparkly vampire. (Just to be clear, my favorite vampires remain those conjured by Anne Rice, which do not sparkle under any circumstances.)

But I find what inhibits my socialization and activity the most is my perspective, more so than the physical or mental limitations I’ve become so self-conscious of. Thankfully, the bitterness, anger, and resentment have mostly faded away. I still catch myself mourning all the losses I’ve experienced: relocating from the friends, music, and culture of Boulder, Colorado, to this sleepy Southern Vermont village more than 3 hours from any major city; having to leave my blossoming career with Whole Foods (the greatest company I ever worked for and one I could have actually pictured staying with for more than a couple years before getting burnt out and bored) because I can no longer physically or mentally keep up, and not being able to work in general; managing all the scary and bizarre symptoms associated with Fibromyalgia...but I suppose that is why grief is called a “process”...We never fully get over these deep losses, but the pain gets a little better every day. Eastern Philosophy and altered states of consciousness sure help to speed up these travails!

Alan Watts, one of the greatest men you've never heard of and a major part of my Sanity Regiment

What hasn’t changed and makes my reintegration so damned difficult is this feeling of being an “outsider”. I’ve undergone, and am still undergoing, a massive change as a person. I feel like a caterpillar that is becoming a butterfly. I’m being “tempered” by my struggles, by my near-death experiences, by my assumptions and beliefs being completely flipped on me. I, like the majority of people it seems, took certain things for granted, things that seemed like “givens” in life, things that were uncompromisable, unshakable, like the Law of Gravity. Things like being physically and mentally able to work or do chores, having the stamina to go about your day without needing to rest after 4 to 5 hours of activity, being able to stand in sunlight or under fluorescents. But I’ve come to realize that these are not experiences to be taken for granted. Every nerve that tingles, every pore that breathes, every sensation experienced, every moment you have in this body on this planet at this time, is a massive blessing and not to be taken lightly.

Yet it’s so easy to forget, isn’t it? As we go about our days, absorbed in the stress of the “Real World”, of our commutes and families and bills and Reality TV and Fantasy Football and politics and major headlines, we completely forget who we are, and all that we have. Until something is taken away, goes amiss, breaks down, we tend to not notice it’s even there. Like toilets. You take yours for granted, until it stops working and you have to wait for the plumber to come out and fix it. 

But what happens if the plumber doesn’t know what’s wrong with the toilet? And you see a bunch of different kinds of plumbers who do all kinds of tests and they still can’t figure it out? I guess plumbing isn’t as big a deal as the body, if your pipes or toilet are that messed up you can pull it all out and start over. It’s messy and expensive and a huge PITA, but it’s not like when there’s something wrong with your body and the doctors can’t figure it out. You can’t scrap your body and start over fresh with a new one when something goes terribly wrong. I used to believe that doctors knew everything about the body and how to fix it. But after the last couple years of bouncing from specialist to surgeon, lab to lab, shitting and pissing in cups and drawing more blood than a transfusion patient, I’ve learned that’s not the case at all. There’s a lot we don’t know about the body or why it goes wrong or how to fix it, more than most medical professionals will admit. Especially when it comes to the Central Nervous and Immune Systems going haywire. They seem to understand that about as well as Homer Simpson understands Quantum Mechanics. 

Come to think of it, this is how most medical professionals treat me when I'm telling them my full medical history

And that will shake up your little world, too. I thought I could trust the professionals, but their methods of treatment for diseases like Fibro are about as advanced as using leeches or cutting to drain the demons out of your blood when you’re sick with the flu. 

   What can you trust in this world when The Unshakables you’ve built your foundation upon fall apart? Like the functionings of your body or mind? How does one find stability in a seemingly chaotic and cold universe? How do you make the most out of a bad hand dealt to you by the luck of the draw? How can you go back to living life like you did before? Be the person you were when your friends met you? Will they still like me, accept me, now that I’m so different from who I was? How in the hell do I even have conversations now? Why is it so fucking hard for me to come out of this hermetic place, to come down from this lonely mountain top and be amongst the masses again? Is it because I see from up here we are all playing roles in this life, wearing masks, masks we call personas, but most of us have forgotten we’re playing a game and take it far too seriously for my liking? So seriously, in fact, that we kill and rape and pillage and gossip and war over it?

You shouldn’t have to go through hell like I have to understand this, but it seems that is the only way to see The Human Game with clarity. It seems this is why older, “more primitive” societies have Shamans, Witch Doctors, Monks, Hermits, Zen Masters. They help society stay balanced by providing an outside perspective. Maybe this is what I’m supposed to do. People ask me why I don’t watch or read mainstream news, radio, or television. It’s the same reason I’ve had a hard time getting back on Facebook. Our input drives our creativity, shapes our reality, molds what we believe is possible. There is such a huge amount of negativity on social and mainstream media I find it dizzying. If I allowed the inputs of mainstream society to shape my decisions, habits, and beliefs, I’d be taking pills to “manage” my illness, still be eating like shit, and bitching about my health/life in the progress. I wouldn’t be doing anything proactive about it. I never would have developed the gall to self-experiment with herbs, neurotransmitters, diet, and lifestyle, seeking my own solutions and listening to my own body rather than relying on the dogma of others. 

Has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm talking about, I just love the movie Dogma and Buddy Christ

Because we’re told over and over again, through magazines, newspapers, television, radio, and advertising, that we’re not good enough. That we’re incapable of empowerment or creativity or self-sufficiency. That you need a middle-man to help you manage your health, your money, your consciousness, your spirituality, your life. And that your persona is not a game, but very much real and to be taken deadly serious. Because otherwise you aren’t producing and consuming and that makes you a bad citizen in a Consumerist Based Society. 

Well, if my role is to be the Outsider Looking In, then maybe I should embrace it and be the best damn Hermit I can be. But I can only be useful if I come down off this summit and reintegrate. What’s the point of this journey, of my personal struggles and accomplishments, if I’m not giving anything back, if I’m the only one aware of them? Maybe my experiences could help ease the suffering of others, which I feel a strong urge, almost compulsion, to do in any way I can. No one should ever suffer needlessly, should ever have to walk this road alone, be denied the many options available to them for healing strictly because of outdated taboos and propaganda. 

And maybe I can use this as my “Why Power” (mad props to Darren Hardy!!) to overcome my withdrawal from society. Understanding Human Folly shouldn’t cause me to condemn or repel from it. 

It’s just part of The Game that we all play, whether we’re aware of it or not. Being aware of it doesn’t make anyone better or separate from others, it just enables one to play and learn more efficiently. To see life for the drama, the great dance that it is, and to enjoy the act of dancing rather than losing out on the present moment by obsessing over a destination, worrying over what tomorrow will bring, focusing on what we don’t have instead of realizing the vast abundance that constantly surrounds us, if only we would open ourselves up to it and embrace it. Not to pull away and close ourselves off from the immense beauty and magic happening. Happening Right Now. At This Very Moment. And this one. And this one too.

Let’s get off our apathetic asses and go experience as much as we can handle, relishing the Present Moment in all its glory, with an attitude of gratitude. Even if all I can do today is the most bare-bones of basics, if I can only handle being out of bed for short periods of time because I’m so fucking wiped out from fatigue and malaise and stomach issues that have me running to the toilet every couple minutes, I can still revel in the fact that I’m alive, that I have my perspective to contribute, that I can see and hear and feel and talk and think and dream. 

That I am one unique expression of the energy that comprises this glorious and mysterious Universe, and that is more than enough, and I am content.

And you are too!  We can all learn from each other, from the different perspectives we hold, if only we can develop the courage and strength to reach out to others, to share our vulnerabilities rather than hide from them. To come down from this damned lonely mountain top. The first step is always the hardest... Baby steps. I’ll start making small changes today to get me back on course.

‘Cuz holy shit, am I “ronery”! I miss you, world.

Is your glass half empty, or half full? What will you do to seize this day?  

*Love & Light* 

Renata “The Chronic Badass” Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Patient Review - Medical Cannabis Product - Mary’s Medicinals Transdermal Patches!

*Note: I am an independent, third party patient, reviewing new products that come into the dispensary I have designated as my Primary Care Center. They highly value constructive feedback from a patient who has a genuine debilitating condition, as well as previous experience in the industry. I hope my unique and candid insights help the Medical Cannabis Industry continue to evolve in ways that always keep patient needs first.*

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Management of chronic pain can be a great challenge. Most effective pain relievers are dangerous or potentially addictive, and every body has unique biochemistry, so what works for some people may not work for others. Cannabis has the potential to be an extremely strong analgesic, among its countless other uses, but an efficacious delivery method is vital for the body to absorb and use it properly.

Those patients with compromised digestive systems, fast metabolisms, high tolerances, and/or chronic illness often find ourselves struggling to keep ahead of our symptoms. I know the issues such people can have all too well! I am currently disabled and homebound due to a genetically inherited autoimmune disease. Besides the pain and inflammation I deal with on a daily basis, I also have been desperately struggling to manage the extreme pain caused every month by my menstrual cramps. They have ruled my life for almost 14 years now; affecting my work schedules, social plans, and overall quality of life in ways that are impossible to comprehend unless you have been there in some way yourself.

 

So how does one manage this kind of pain in ways that are as minimally damaging to the body as possible? 14 years and counting is a long time to rely on pills, and I know firsthand how detrimental they can be when used long-term. I’ve lost multiple friends to overdoses from prescription drugs, and my body has been torn up from chronic NSAID use. I also have a true allergy to opiates and sulfates. This is why I have been experimenting with Plant Medicines instead of pharmaceuticals, using myself as a guinea pig, and Cannabis still remains one of my favorite Plant Allies.

To be honest, I am disappointed with the majority of Medical Cannabis products currently in production. Many of the “medibles” on the dispensary shelves are made up primarily of ingredients like refined sugars, starches, chocolate, grains, dairy and other major allergens – items which promote inflammation and my chronically ill body can’t tolerate at this time. These are “stoner munchies”, not medicine. Some vendors are pretty legit, focusing on whole foods based and allergen friendly ingredients, but in the end, if it’s a product that’s consumed via the mouth, it’s probably not going to work very well for patients like me. My gut is just too damaged and thus anything I eat doesn’t get absorbed very efficiently; throw in my lighting fast metabolism, annoyingly high tolerance, and pain that rivals anything else I’ve felt before (including when I had an accident that involved losing the end of my middle finger – story for another time)…then you may start to understand how I’m able to rabidly consume the products that put your “six foot two, 210 pound buddy to sleep”.

"Medicine"?

When I am in the midst of my most severe pain, what we would call “Level 10” if using the standard “0-10 Assessment Scale” (see above Scrubs clip), and the only medical cannabis products I have are edibles, tinctures, drinks, or flowers, I find I have to consume something at least every 2 hours to keep my pain within a manageable threshold, on top of smoking or vaporizing constantly. This is not only expensive, time consuming, and taxing on the body, the last thing I want to do to when I’m getting my ass kicked by my cramps is eat a sweet or salty snack every few hours for days on end. In my quest for pain alleviation, I keep thinking to myself, “There has to be a better way!” Please don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of all methods of cannabis delivery, as they all serve their purposes. Some people get the relief they need from half of a 100mg cookie, and that’s great! It’s just that I personally have been really, really struggling to find a medical cannabis product that efficiently alleviates my long-term, debilitating, chronic pain, and after conferring with fellow patients in similar situations, I know I’m not alone.

Thankfully, Mary's Medicinals has unveiled a series of new products that I am very excited about.  They are called “transdermal patches”; sticky silicone patches that are applied to the skin and deliver the medical cannabis directly into the bloodstream! These are straight-up pharmaceutical grade medical products. Transdermal patches are an ideal way to manage pain like mine, because the medicine is delivered straight into the bloodstream, is completely bio-available (meaning 100% of the medicine is absorbed by the body, compared to an edible where only about 10% is readily absorbed) and the effects last exponentially longer than any other method of consumption. At least, this is what the lovely information packet that came with the patches declared. I couldn’t wait to put these claims to the test. And the patches were delivered to me, by my super awesome boyfriend (and caregiver), right when I needed them most – the first day of my menstrual cycle or what is known in our household as “D-Day”. No exaggeration, I plan and prepare for my cycle like a survivalist preparing for the Coming Apocalypse. I have to. I fear my monthly pain infinitely more than zombies or food shortages. You can kill zombies and grow food. It's not that easy to manage chronic pain!

The product packaging features nostalgic images of old-time apothecary bottles, information about some of the primary cannabinoids currently under medical study, and the transdermal patches themselves. They are offered in doses of 10 mg, and are cannabinoid specific. So far they offer CBN, CBD, CBG, THC, and THCa specific patches, as well as blends of CBD/THC. Each one is recommended for specific applications and symptoms.

I got three patches in my sample kit:

THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol)- Suggested for relief from pain & anxiety, reduction of muscle spasms & nausea, promotion of sleep, & appetite stimulation.

THCa (Tetrahydrocannabinolic Acid) - Non-activated form of THC. Suggested for non-drowsy pain relief, anti-spasmadic, & inhibitor of cancerous cell growths.

CBN (Cannabinol) - For muscle spasms, inflammation, & insomnia.

I must admit that initially I was very skeptical of the dosage. At only 10 mg I was tempted to try all 3 patches at once and consider myself lucky if I felt any effects at all.
But, I was advised against it, and after my experimentation am glad I listened. 

Here are my findings:

3:35pm – Started with the THCa patch, since I am seeking “non-drowsy pain relief”. At this time, my pain level is around a 7. I’m also feeling dizzy, nauseas, fatigued, and have no appetite. The instructions suggest applying the patch to a “venous part of the skin; top of foot, inside of ankle, inside wrist”. Based on this, I put the THCa patch on top of my right foot. I find the plastic lining difficult to remove - had it been a day when my arthritis was really acting up I would have needed assistance getting it off - but once applied the patch feels surprisingly comfortable and light on my skin. The adhesive doesn’t feel heavy and my skin is still able to breathe. There is a warning in the instructions stating that “burning or itching” may occur upon application, but happily I feel no such affects. It seems Mary’s went out of their way to use high quality materials in these patches, which is greatly appreciated, since they will be on my skin for at least 8 hours. 

What the patches look like when applied

4pm – Starting to feel pain relief. It’s coming in “waves” – my body starts to relax and eyes get heavy for around 10 minutes, then the pain will peek through for about the same amount of time, and then it is masked again by another wave of pain relief. Perhaps it’s because the patch is on one side of the body and the blood has to flow around. The instructions do say “While it delivers cannabinoids at a controlled rate, it is not a perfectly steady release.” I’m also finding that my head feels a bit “funny”, very similar to how Marinol made me feel when I first tried it many moons ago (long before we had things like blogs). Overall, the effects feel  very nice; more effective than any edible product I’ve had in Colorado. When the pain is masked, its down to a 2. When the pain peeks through the “cannabis curtain”, its closer to a 7. So yes, the THCa patch is definitely working. Probably will need to apply a second patch soon though, my pain is really starting to become severe.

4:11pm – Applied the CBN patch to the top of my left foot. I’m hoping that having patches on both sides of my body will help steady the release of the medicine, as I’m still feeling the effects in very noticeable “waves” and the pain that is peeking through now is very strong, getting close to Level 10. I’m also thinking that the synergy of the THCa combined with the CBN will help my head feel less “Marinol-like”.

4:50pm – Pain is almost completely alleviated! I’d say my pain is now around level 2 or 3 and staying there pretty consistently. Seems like having patches on both sides of the heart really helps, along with the synergy of multiple cannabinoids. I’m still fighting the vertigo and dizziness I was feeling before applying the patches, but its probably because I haven’t eaten anything yet today. Oh. Food! I forgot how awesome you are! My appetite is now totally primed. I’m gonna go raid my kitchen! Be back in a bit J

5:30pm – Feeling much better after eating. So happy I was finally able to do that! Now I’m ready for a much needed nap.

6:30pm – Woke up feeling groggy but in good spirits and still free of pain. The effect of the two patches combined is proving to be very strong, very narcotic-like. Awesome! Once out of bed my grogginess clears up. Ready for dinner now!

8:40pm – Still feeling effects from the two patches, including The Munchies. The “waves” affect still comes and goes, but much less pronounced with patches on both sides of the body. Pain levels are currently fluctuating from 2-5, but the cycles where the pain peeks through are much shorter than the times I feel relief. Head still feels a little bit funny/”Marinol-like”, but its easy to ignore. It’s a small price to pay considering most efficient analgesics have really harsh side effects like nausea, dizziness, constipation, and physical addiction.

10:30pm –Baked an improvised dessert, and it was glorious! I’ve eaten a lot today, and that’s good news, because I really struggle with eating and absorbing nutrients, and my doctor wants me to gain at least 10 pounds. Still feeling waves of symptom relief, but have definitely passed the peak. My head is much clearer now, eyelids aren’t feeling as heavy, and the pain is making itself known again. But the patches themselves are still very comfortable. I’m surprised that I keep forgetting they’re on top of my feet, and even when I remember I don’t feel them much at all. No itchiness or discomfort to speak of, and I have very sensitive skin. Pretty sure I will need to apply the third and last patch before I am able to go to bed for the night. Gonna smoke/vape a bit and brush my teeth before making up my mind.

10:55pm – Yep, definitely need that last patch. The pain is becoming very strong again. I apply the THC patch to the inside of my right ankle, targeting the veins that run through that area. Currently my pain level is fluctuating between 3 and 6.

11:15pm – Pain starting to become alleviated again, but too exhausted to stay up any longer and take additional notes. Off to bed with this sleepy but content patient.

Next Morning – 

Woke up around 8:30, not completely refreshed, but I’m blaming my hormones, hot flashes, and late night berry cobbler for that and not the patches themselves. Having two fresh patches to apply prior to bed instead of just one probably would have been beneficial; despite that my pain is still subdued which is a lovely surprise. Overall, I’m in good spirits, and feel much better after my morning routine of smoking/vaping and sipping some warm ginger tea. I feel mentally sharp and have an overwhelming desire to do something active/social ; a rarity for me nowadays.

The patches are still very comfortable on my skin – no itching or sweating, and they remain firmly in place. I put socks on in case the corners tried to lift up while I was sleeping, but I don’t think that was necessary. These patches are very thin and so don’t have a tendency to snag on surfaces like sheets.

Removing the patches from my skin was surprisingly easy and comfortable. I must note that I don’t have hair on any of the areas where I applied the patches, so I can’t comment on how badly they tug on hair. Once the patches are removed, there is a bit of redness that lasts a few minutes, but I experience no itching or irritation. The residual tackiness is easily removed with little to moderate effort using soap and water, and adding an exfoliate like baking soda helps. 

Right after removing all three patches, can barely see any redness or irritation

Although the instructions state “the cannabinoids remain in the blood for several hours even once the patch is removed”, about 20 minutes after removing the patches I am hit with a wave of pain. Apparently they were still releasing cannabinoids! Unable to go purchase more and desperate to keep the pain from coming back full force, I pull the now wadded up ball of patches out of the trash, unravel them, and stick them back on my feet! Luckily, after about 30 minutes, I start to feel minor relief again, which lasts through the afternoon. I’m impressed by how long the effects last, and wish I had more to get me through the following few days! From now on, I definitely plan to have a stash of Mary’s Medicinals Transdermal Patches in my medicine cabinet at all times.

Afterthoughts:

This is by far the best medical cannabis product and delivery method I have used to date for treating my most severe pain. It even rivals many of the true narcotics that I’ve experimented with in the past. The ease of use, discreet application, long lasting affects, relatively stable delivery, and bioavailability make for an incredibly efficacious medicine. If you had told me last week that I would feel viable effects from 10 to 30 mg and they would last for over 6 hours, I would have laughed in your face. I’ve eaten 800 mg edibles that went right through me and had barely any effect at all. These patches are so efficient that those with lower tolerances or less debilitating symptoms could (make that “should”) cut these patches in half, or even quarters.

-There are only a few minor changes I would like to see take place with these patches:

1) I would greatly appreciate a more user friendly plastic backing. Once started, the backing came off with little effort, but I found it was very difficult to get started. Perhaps there is some way to make it like a sticker’s, where the plastic is perforated and peels off in pieces. This way someone with arthritis could just fold the patch and the backing would already be started and ready to peel off. 

Example of suggested plastic backing

2) I strongly prefer the synergy of multiple cannabinoids to the way isolated ones make me feel. This may be caused by the fact that my condition is systemic, i.e. involving the entire body, and so I may benefit the most from as close to a “whole plant” experience as possible. Perhaps Mary’s could offer patches in different combinations of cannabinoids, along with one higher strength level, like 15 or 20 mg. I could have definitely used something a bit stronger when I was in the grip of my Level 10 Pain.

3) Lastly, my experience shows these patches release the medicine more consistently when there is one on either side of the heart, so perhaps they could be packaged for use in pairs, or this suggestion could be added to the already detailed and helpful instructional packet.

Overall, an excellent, pharmaceutical grade, medical cannabis product! Strongly recommended for the traveling patient (think: flying!) and/or those suffering from chronic illness or long-term debilitating symptoms; especially pain, inflammation, insomnia, and cachexia.

A massive “Thank You!!!” to Mary’s Medicinals for creating and distributing such a wonderful and viable medicine, not just another “stoner novelty”. I look forward to experimenting with your full line of Transdermal Patches to manage my myriad of symptoms, and to more Medical Marijuana companies offering similar grade products in the future.

What are your favorite Medical Cannabis products or companies in Colorado today?
Which new products would you like to see produced by these companies, or reviewed on here by this self-appointed guinea pig?

Thanks so much for reading and your continued support!

*Love & Light*
-Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)