Ticks, Fleas, & Bugs, oh My! How I Protect my Cat, Self, & Home with Natural, Non-Toxic Products

Well folks it's that time of year again! The warming months bring us many wonderful things here in New England, like birds, frogs, and summer rains, along with less desirable elements such as mosquitos and ticks. And, rumor has it that this coming Tick Season is supposed to be particularly brutal. Hooray.

Ticks are my newfound nemesis since moving out here last year. Prior to that, I'd lived in areas that didn't host the evil bastards in such profusions. My super awesome companion animal/kitty friend/Thunder-Buddy-For-Life, being a Norwegian Forest Cat, has a long, dense coat that ticks just love to get up in and crawl all over like they're in Brazil at Carnival or something. And it's not just her I'm worried about, it's myself and fellow Pink Monkeys that reside in the house as well. We all love to get out for moderate hikes and walks.

So, how do we protect ourselves and households? Staples like natural bug-repellent candles, screens that don't have holes in them, keeping the grass around your home short, planting bug repelling plants like Mint, Thyme, Lavendar, and Calendula, and wearing long socks tucked over pants prior to hikes (I know it's very unsexy, but Lyme's Disease is far more unsexier!), are all great starting points. For many reasons, including a rather strong chemical sensitivity, I avoid freaky chemicals like DEET at all costs, even if it does work really well. So what does one do for pest repellent and extermination? Certain essential oil blends such as doTERRA's TerraShield and Purify work wonders as an insect repellent when mixed with Witch Hazel or Apple Cider Vinegar and sprayed onto the skin and clothing.

Summertime Lifesavers!!

But pets, especially cats, tend to be extremely sensitive to essential oils. I learned this the hard way, when, after acquiring my first bottles of the afore mentioned oil blends, I liberally sprayed everything in my room in a natural de-bugging ecstasy. Freya got sick shortly thereafter, almost reminded me of when I have a sensitivity reaction, but cat-style. Which means she proceeded to have sneezing fits and puke everywhere. Poor baby! I felt so bad, but thankfully figured out the trigger quickly, and after washing everything I'd sprayed she recuperated.

So, for my Freya Cat, I have found what seems to be the ultimate solution. Not only does it work very well, the products I use are affordable and accessible! You may even already have one or both in your home, though if you are of the latter population I suspect you already use it for this application as well ;)

My Thunder Buddy <3

DIATOMACEOUS EARTH
"D.E." for short. A classic homesteading staple, and one of my favorite latest personal discoveries! Basically ground up silica, it acts like a desiccant when it comes in contact with any pest that crawls across it. Picture when someone pours salt on a slug. Gross image, but that's pretty much the idea.

I've found the easiest way to apply D.E. to Freya's coat is to dip her brush into a container (designated solely for this purpose of course), then brush it into her coat from head to tail, working it as close to the surface of her skin as possible. Sometimes I'll brush against the coat, then brush back with the flow of her fur to really get it in there. I do this before she goes out, and at the end of the day. This may be a hassle for those cats that aren't as patient as mine, or folks that have more distractions or busier schedules. But, the routine only takes about 20 minutes total out of my day, so I'm confident you could find some time to squeeze it in. It's definitely worth the effort because I think you'll also be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Diatomaceous Earth. Easier to use than spell ;)

And it does work! When I started using it last year I noticed shriveled up dead ticks mixed into the balls of fur I pulled off her hairbrush, and very few actually getting to dig their ugly heads into her precious skin. They still get in every once in a while, so one must be diligent of checking your pet daily, or as frequently as possible, for any bloodsuckers that may have made their way through.

You can also use D.E. around your home for similar effects - sprinkle it in your garden, on window and door sills, anywhere you'd like to create a crawling bug barrier. Works for bed bugs too! It's also useful as a detoxing agent, dewormer, adding to your homemade deodorant and tooth powders...the possibilities are seemingly endless with D.E.! To top it off, I got a 10 pound bag of Food Safe D.E. for around $12 using Amazon Prime. (When purchasing, make sure you're buying Food Grade D.E.!) Which means I'll be set through the Zombie Apocalypse.

10 pound box of D.E. Foot for scale.

For further reading, and a host of all sorts of other useful information, check out one of my favorite blogs of all time: How To Use Diatomaceous Earth - The Prairie Homestead.


RAW APPLE CIDER VINEGAR
"ACV" for short. Another favorite household product with countless uses.
MUST BE RAW/UNPASTURVIZED TO WORK. Usually there will be "floaties" in raw vinegar. This is good. Those floaties are bits of the "mother culture" used to create the vinegar. A brand you've probably seen that I love is Bragg's. Bugs don't seem to like it at all. Except those little annoying black gnats, they seem to love it. For those dudes you can put some ACV in the bottom of a narrow necked bottle, like a plastic soda bottle, and it makes an excellent trap for them. They will fly in and drown in the vinegar! For my cat, after I brush the D.E. into her coat and prior to letting her out for the day, I apply some ACV to a cloth or paper towel and lightly wipe her down with it. I also add a few drops to her drinking water. This acts as an insect "repellent", and it's also good for her digestive system. I'm a fan of multi-tasking! I'd imagine that Witch Hazel would work just as well, I've just never tried it, and haven't researched how kitty friendly it is.

I also use ACV around the home for pest control. We have a few puddles that tend to stay around all summer, the ideal place for mosquitos to breed. I pour about a quarter cup or so into each puddle, after every new rain, and it completely prevents mosquitos breeding there. The wasps seem to avoid the mud around them as well.

I have many, many other uses for ACV that I will save for future posts :)

They key to these and most natural remedies is that you need to be diligent. You must use the techniques everyday, make them part of your routine, and they will work marvelously. But you can't do them occasionally, or even moderately, and expect them to work effectively.

For the safety of my Freya, my home, loved ones, and self, I feel the small efforts involved with natural pest control are worth the big payoffs.

Thanks for reading! Hope you find this information is as useful to you as it has been for me :)
What are some of your favorite, natural insect/pest control methods/products?

Love & Light
Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

"Spoonie Rock" - Poetry

Breaking the poetry back out. This is a recent one, just wrote it last week. For my fellow "Spoonies", "Chronic Badasses", or anyone on the struggle...Keep up, stay strong! We all have moments of weakness in our battles - this was one of mine that I managed to turn around in the end. 

For me, freewriting is one of the best forms of therapy.

Hope you enjoy! 

Please tell me that I'm strong enough for this

When you look at me do you see my pain or strength?

I'm trying to bend like a willow in the wind

but I feel I might crack

I fear I may break

If I did a good thing then why 

Why do I 

why do I feel so sad?

Why do I feel so bad? 

why do I cry? 

Why am I so beat down

it's just a hurricane blowing everything around

Flipping my world upside-down

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

These thorns in my flesh are spread all around

Heart and Mind pound

Feeling heavier than gravity

Wanna crawl into a deep, underground cavity

and rest 

Say I did my best

as I breathe my last into the Earth Mother's sweet breast

But that would be a lie

Surely, I'd be sent back to finish what I started

To guide and soothe the lost and broken hearted

A job only I can do in the way that I do it

Now, if only I can be strong enough to see through it

Please

Let the tears stop

Let the pain subside

Give me the strength

to get up and ride

On to better places 

Friendlier faces

filled with the presence of God's graces

Time erases all pain

I know it's hard to think sunshine when you're lost in the rain

But you have everything to gain 

if you so choose

Blessings are often disguised as blues

and wise men as simple fools 

So, follow your folly! 

Be free from sadness

May your heart overflow with gladness

Even at your darkest hour 

What's yours is mine, and I give you Power, 

Strength, and Love

May it flow like a river down from above

and sustain you when you need it most

From sister to sister

and coast to coast 

Together

we're far stronger than one ever could be

United we stand

my fellow Spoonies...

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

WTF Is Fibromyalgia?

Hello everyone! Thanks for checking out my latest blog post. My apologies that I haven’t been writing more, it’s been a great struggle for me. But I do plan on being here more often, sharing information from my journey that I hope will help others in similar situations. Hope you had a great Holiday and New Year surrounded by loved ones and delicious foods! 

I’ve realized that I’ve not yet discussed my chronic illness in detail, so I would like to take some time to talk about that today. 

Should you find anything useful on this here blog, please consider donating to my PayPay account (I’m working on adding Bitcoin here too!). I am unable to work at this time, but have not yet qualified for Disability, so no amount is too small. 

Most of all I’m just flattered you’re here. Thanks for stopping by!

WTF is Fibromyalgia? 

Before the decline in my health in 2011, I’d never even heard of Fibromyalgia, nonetheless knew anything about this debilitating chronic illness. I didn’t even really understand what a chronic illness is. I guess it’s one of those things that you couldn’t possibly comprehend unless you’ve experienced it personally, but as a writer I’m compelled to try and describe it so that those lucky enough to not know firsthand may understand, or at least get as close as they can to understanding, what it’s like to not be well, indefinitely. 

A “chronic illness” is defined by The Center for Managing Chronic Disease as “a long lasting condition that can be controlled but not cured.” Examples of chronic illnesses that are probably more familiar are allergies, asthma, epilepsy, and diabetes.

Fibromyalgia is defined by The Mayo Clinic as “a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory, and mood issues.”

If it sounds vague, that’s because it is. Fibro, like many immune or central nervous system (CNS) mediated syndromes and diseases, is poorly understood. The mechanisms of action and onset haven't yet been fully identified. It does not show up on labs and this makes it a huge PITA to diagnose. The current theory is that something is wrong with the part of the brain that processes pain signals, like having the volume knob on an amplifier cranked up to “11” at all times. 

"But, it goes to eleven."

Onset does seem to be “triggered” by a traumatic event or period of stress, such as major surgery, pregnancy/childbirth, or infection. Another interesting fun fact is that Fibro and the rest of the Immune/CNS illnesses are about 9 times more prevalent in women than in men. So hormones seem to play a role in this as well. It's a great medical mystery that I've become mildly obsessed with. 

We could read medical definitions ‘til the cows come home, but they don’t do a good job painting a picture about what the person affected is feeling or how their life is impacted.

So this is Fibromyalgia in my own words. 

It’s been very painful to write these concepts down, and even more difficult to share them, but I know it’s pertinent to the grieving process to get this stuff out. I think partly what’s held me back from sharing these gritty details, is not just because it’s uncomfortable, but also because I don’t want to be defined by my illness. I don’t want to be looked at as “that sick girl”, the person who is always talking about their diet or meds or symptoms or whatnot. I don't want to make others uncomfortable or scared by being honest about how I feel. I don’t want people to see me coming and duck for cover out of fear they will get cornered by a health related lecture or seemingly endless complaints about my latest aches and pains. 

But I do feel that it’s important to “come out of the closet”, so to speak. Us sick people need to share so that others know they’re not alone. And maybe by describing my experience I can help those not directly impacted understand these “invisible illnesses” a little better. 

I do not share this out of a desire for pity, but in the hopes of educating and inspiring :)

FIBROMYALGIA IS...

...Insidious and mostly invisible, like a slow poison. Confusing because it's different from day to day and person to person. Sometimes I need a cane, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have the energy to do things on my own, and sometimes I don't. Making plans can be difficult because it's hard to predict how I'll be feeling in the future.

...People telling you “But you don’t look sick!” or "I wish I were as skinny as you!" thinking they’re being helpful when actually they’re discounting your experience.

...Being undiagnosed for three years. Looking for answers for three years. Doing all manner of tests and bouncing from specialist to specialist to specialist. Hemorrhaging money to try and figure things out. Being told you’re not sick, you’re making it up, you’re a hypochondriac, you’re sensitive, you’re mentally ill. 

...Going from an overtime working, SoCal commuting, hardcore raving and clubbing, race car fixing, beach combing, social butterfly, to a homebound hermit who can no longer stomach the facades of Facebook, in less than three years. 

...Having a timeline for your life: “Before I Got Sick” and “After I Got Sick”.

...Changes in the way my brain works that adversely affect creativity, memory, and the ability to focus, solve problems, and communicate. Writing used to flow out of me like water, now I struggle to squeeze it out drops at a time. I’ve become much more image based and thus am developing a newfound love of the visual arts. I’ve also become incredibly self-conscious about social interaction.

...Being a half Mexican from L.A. who has become extremely limited in where I can choose to live or travel because of debilitating sensitivities to UV rays and fluctuations in Barometric Pressure. A Mexican, sensitive to the sun!?! WTF?

...Missing sunbathing like a bird with clipped wings misses flying.

...No longer being able to work or be self-sufficient, but not qualifying for SSI/SSDI, and feeling like a burden to your loved ones as a result.

...Not being able to remember anything like I used to! Important dates, what time it is even though I just looked, what I came into this room to do (or was it to get something or tell somebody something?), how to spell words I never struggled to spell before, if I left the stove on, if I’ve told you this story already, if I’ve taken my supplements today. 

...PAIN. Indefinitely. With an opiate allergy. Threatening to drive you mad. Affecting the positions you use when trying to sleep. Stabbing. Throbbing. Aching. Burning. In my gut and abdomen. In my muscles. In my tendons. In my nerve endings. In my joints. In the bottoms of my feet. In my head. In my eyes. When I menstruate or ovulate. Sometimes it’s just one body part that’s bothering me, other times it’s everything at once.

...Struggling to eat/maintain a healthy weight, and feeling nauseous and sick most of the time, like a nuclear bomb went off in my gut.

...Feeling trapped inside my own body. Like my body has betrayed me. 

...Feeling like my life has been flipped upside-down, like I don’t have control over anything.

...Feeling misunderstood by everyone, including family, and struggling to express myself properly so they can understand better.

...Mind-blowing insomnia, like trying to sleep while buzzing off stimulatory drugs, mixed with extreme hypersomnia that makes me feel like a sloth with narcolepsy.

...Feeling like I have the stamina and vitality of a frail 95 year old woman carrying a 50 pound pack of lead. 

...Feeling like I’m on a roller coaster I can’t get off of when my vertigo kicks in.

...Feeling like I’m a rusted Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz when I’ve pushed too far and my chronic fatigue, inflammation, and arthritis kick into overdrive, making it difficult to move or walk.

Good friends are always there to help get you unstuck :)

...Losing Confidence: to go for drives, trips, or run errands by myself; to have conversations; to keep up on bills; to be an independent adult. 

...STRESS: Over money. Over my health. Over where I live vs. where I want to be. Over safe access to medicinal cannabis and other plant medicines. Over what people think. Over the lack of a light at the end of the tunnel.

...Desperately struggling to accept “a new normal”, while being tortured by dreams in my sleep of “my old life, the way things used to be”.

...Losing pigment in my skin, and getting random rashes and itchy feelings everywhere.

...Having half as much hair on my head as I did before 2011.

...Having your joints lock up on you and creak like an old haunted house. 

...Only having about 4-6 hours in each day I can be active before I burn out and need rest, usually for the rest of the day.

...Being best friends with a cat.

...Trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what’s next.

...Needing weeks to put together a measly blog post :/

That was a lot of some pretty heavy shit, so here's an adorable pic of my cat Freya to perk us up :)

*Whew*

That was some pretty heavy stuff. Hopefully educational though. 

I must confess it does feel good to finally be talking openly about my life as a chronically ill person. 

On to the “inspirational” part...

I would like to also include some positive things that have come out of this experience. Learning to cultivate an “Attitude of Gratitude” has become a vital part of my “Wellness Action Plan”. I cannot cure Fibromyalgia, but I can choose to not let it beat me down or ruin my life. I don’t have to quit, I don’t have to accept “no” or “you can’t”. I can still live a fulfilling and beautiful life!

FIBROMYALGIA HAS GIVEN ME:

...An opportunity to get to know myself intimately, becoming a stronger and more integrated person everyday.

...Exposure to industries, people, and ideas I probably wouldn’t have otherwise: Medical Cannabis and other Plant Medicines, Natural and Alternative Medicine, Herbalism, Neurochemistry and Pharmacology, Shamanism, Eastern Philosophy, Psychology, Personal Development, Alternative Spiritual Paths that truly resonate with me, Comedy and the healing power of Laughter, Alan Watts, Sasha and Ann Shulgin, Terence and Dennis McKenna, Carl Jung, Jim Rohn, Darren Hardy.

...Liberation from being overly attached to society and fear - fear of death, fear of being able to keep up with The Jones’s, fear of complying with the Status Quo, fear of consciousness exploration, fear of pain.

...An opportunity to contribute to causes far greater than my previous pursuits and truly serve others. 

...A strengthened and enriching bond with my super amazing boyfriend/hetero-life-partner. 

...A healthier perspective on life - “how to be truly present”, how to be grateful for all the little things we take for granted - the time we’ve been given in this life, being able to see, hear, speak, walk, taste, smell, stand in the sunshine, make love, give love, create, destroy. 

...The empowerment to believe in myself and take 100% responsibility for everything in my life.

...The opportunity to learn that I can overcome any obstacle, especially the greatest of all: Those that reside in my own head. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this super-duper long post! 

I hope you found it informative and inspiring :)

What are some tools you use to overcome your circumstances? 

What are you grateful for in the midst of any challenges you face?

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Accepting a "New Normal" - My Struggle with Reintegration

Old Zen Saying: 

“Before enlightenment, carry water, chop wood. After enlightenment, carry water, chop wood.”

“Where the hell have you been, Renata?”

It’s been several months since I’ve updated this blog, or been a regular on Facebook, or responded to emails in a timely manner. A lot of people in my life have been wondering what happened to me, and I’ve been stuck in my own little world, struggling to reconnect and carry on with my life.

In fact, ever since I was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in February, I’ve found I’ve had to force myself to interact with others. Every aspect of my life, especially my social and personal life, has been flipped completely upside-down, especially when I first started getting sick.  I was so taken by surprise and overwhelmed and heartbroken by the deterioration in my health, it was all I could do to keep up with each day. I was riddled with grief, bitterness, anger, and despair over the perceived betrayal of my body and mind as my condition continued to get worse, despite my best efforts and countless labs and tests to try and figure things out. But at least then I was still trying to reach out to others. When my illness became so bad I was completely homebound, I found myself consumed with depression, and felt hideous stabs of heart-wrenching envy towards others in better health. Like a poison it seeped into every pore and warped my perception of reality. Suddenly my Facebook feed was filled with negative comments, petty complaints, and self-absorbed pictures. Conversations with most people seemed to revolve around things that no longer matter to me, like what commercials were funny last night, what the major headlines were, or who won American Idol. It grossed me out, shocked and confused me, had become something I could no longer identify with.

In short, I felt as though I had been completely removed from society. Like a homeless person pressed up against a restaurant window, drooling over all the marvelous dishes being served inside, imagining what it tastes like, smells like, feels like, to be one of those lucky diners on the other side of the glass. Hungering for the shared experience but having no idea how to become integrated, and despairing over the loss. Despairing because you feel like you will never, ever get to be apart of the greater whole ever again.

Not my art, but yeah this is a good visual of my struggle

After three long years of desperately seeking some sort of official diagnoses and finally getting it earlier this year, you’d think that would make it easier to reintegrate. To pick up the pieces of my life and fit them back together. Or at least I thought that’s what would happen. Instead, I find myself still desperately struggling to become apart of the fabric of society again. Not only to help others in any way I can, especially those who suffer from chronic illness or pain, a calling I feel deep in my soul and cannot ignore, but for my own sanity as well. Human beings are social creatures, we need intimacy and interaction to be healthy, whole people. I used to be an incredibly social person, always keeping up on the affairs of those I care about, organizing and attending events of all kinds, but that has all changed over the last couple years. Mostly it has to do with my chronic fatigue, compromised mental capacities, and UV sensitivity. I just don’t have the energy to do what I used to, and my “brain fog” affects my memory and communication skills, which makes me self-conscious in ways I never was before 2011. And the light sensitivity is just downright fucking inconvenient and odd. I always get the “This bitch is crazy!” look from others when it’s brought up in conversation or they notice me shunning sunshine and fluorescent lights like some kind of non-sparkly vampire. (Just to be clear, my favorite vampires remain those conjured by Anne Rice, which do not sparkle under any circumstances.)

But I find what inhibits my socialization and activity the most is my perspective, more so than the physical or mental limitations I’ve become so self-conscious of. Thankfully, the bitterness, anger, and resentment have mostly faded away. I still catch myself mourning all the losses I’ve experienced: relocating from the friends, music, and culture of Boulder, Colorado, to this sleepy Southern Vermont village more than 3 hours from any major city; having to leave my blossoming career with Whole Foods (the greatest company I ever worked for and one I could have actually pictured staying with for more than a couple years before getting burnt out and bored) because I can no longer physically or mentally keep up, and not being able to work in general; managing all the scary and bizarre symptoms associated with Fibromyalgia...but I suppose that is why grief is called a “process”...We never fully get over these deep losses, but the pain gets a little better every day. Eastern Philosophy and altered states of consciousness sure help to speed up these travails!

Alan Watts, one of the greatest men you've never heard of and a major part of my Sanity Regiment

What hasn’t changed and makes my reintegration so damned difficult is this feeling of being an “outsider”. I’ve undergone, and am still undergoing, a massive change as a person. I feel like a caterpillar that is becoming a butterfly. I’m being “tempered” by my struggles, by my near-death experiences, by my assumptions and beliefs being completely flipped on me. I, like the majority of people it seems, took certain things for granted, things that seemed like “givens” in life, things that were uncompromisable, unshakable, like the Law of Gravity. Things like being physically and mentally able to work or do chores, having the stamina to go about your day without needing to rest after 4 to 5 hours of activity, being able to stand in sunlight or under fluorescents. But I’ve come to realize that these are not experiences to be taken for granted. Every nerve that tingles, every pore that breathes, every sensation experienced, every moment you have in this body on this planet at this time, is a massive blessing and not to be taken lightly.

Yet it’s so easy to forget, isn’t it? As we go about our days, absorbed in the stress of the “Real World”, of our commutes and families and bills and Reality TV and Fantasy Football and politics and major headlines, we completely forget who we are, and all that we have. Until something is taken away, goes amiss, breaks down, we tend to not notice it’s even there. Like toilets. You take yours for granted, until it stops working and you have to wait for the plumber to come out and fix it. 

But what happens if the plumber doesn’t know what’s wrong with the toilet? And you see a bunch of different kinds of plumbers who do all kinds of tests and they still can’t figure it out? I guess plumbing isn’t as big a deal as the body, if your pipes or toilet are that messed up you can pull it all out and start over. It’s messy and expensive and a huge PITA, but it’s not like when there’s something wrong with your body and the doctors can’t figure it out. You can’t scrap your body and start over fresh with a new one when something goes terribly wrong. I used to believe that doctors knew everything about the body and how to fix it. But after the last couple years of bouncing from specialist to surgeon, lab to lab, shitting and pissing in cups and drawing more blood than a transfusion patient, I’ve learned that’s not the case at all. There’s a lot we don’t know about the body or why it goes wrong or how to fix it, more than most medical professionals will admit. Especially when it comes to the Central Nervous and Immune Systems going haywire. They seem to understand that about as well as Homer Simpson understands Quantum Mechanics. 

Come to think of it, this is how most medical professionals treat me when I'm telling them my full medical history

And that will shake up your little world, too. I thought I could trust the professionals, but their methods of treatment for diseases like Fibro are about as advanced as using leeches or cutting to drain the demons out of your blood when you’re sick with the flu. 

   What can you trust in this world when The Unshakables you’ve built your foundation upon fall apart? Like the functionings of your body or mind? How does one find stability in a seemingly chaotic and cold universe? How do you make the most out of a bad hand dealt to you by the luck of the draw? How can you go back to living life like you did before? Be the person you were when your friends met you? Will they still like me, accept me, now that I’m so different from who I was? How in the hell do I even have conversations now? Why is it so fucking hard for me to come out of this hermetic place, to come down from this lonely mountain top and be amongst the masses again? Is it because I see from up here we are all playing roles in this life, wearing masks, masks we call personas, but most of us have forgotten we’re playing a game and take it far too seriously for my liking? So seriously, in fact, that we kill and rape and pillage and gossip and war over it?

You shouldn’t have to go through hell like I have to understand this, but it seems that is the only way to see The Human Game with clarity. It seems this is why older, “more primitive” societies have Shamans, Witch Doctors, Monks, Hermits, Zen Masters. They help society stay balanced by providing an outside perspective. Maybe this is what I’m supposed to do. People ask me why I don’t watch or read mainstream news, radio, or television. It’s the same reason I’ve had a hard time getting back on Facebook. Our input drives our creativity, shapes our reality, molds what we believe is possible. There is such a huge amount of negativity on social and mainstream media I find it dizzying. If I allowed the inputs of mainstream society to shape my decisions, habits, and beliefs, I’d be taking pills to “manage” my illness, still be eating like shit, and bitching about my health/life in the progress. I wouldn’t be doing anything proactive about it. I never would have developed the gall to self-experiment with herbs, neurotransmitters, diet, and lifestyle, seeking my own solutions and listening to my own body rather than relying on the dogma of others. 

Has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm talking about, I just love the movie Dogma and Buddy Christ

Because we’re told over and over again, through magazines, newspapers, television, radio, and advertising, that we’re not good enough. That we’re incapable of empowerment or creativity or self-sufficiency. That you need a middle-man to help you manage your health, your money, your consciousness, your spirituality, your life. And that your persona is not a game, but very much real and to be taken deadly serious. Because otherwise you aren’t producing and consuming and that makes you a bad citizen in a Consumerist Based Society. 

Well, if my role is to be the Outsider Looking In, then maybe I should embrace it and be the best damn Hermit I can be. But I can only be useful if I come down off this summit and reintegrate. What’s the point of this journey, of my personal struggles and accomplishments, if I’m not giving anything back, if I’m the only one aware of them? Maybe my experiences could help ease the suffering of others, which I feel a strong urge, almost compulsion, to do in any way I can. No one should ever suffer needlessly, should ever have to walk this road alone, be denied the many options available to them for healing strictly because of outdated taboos and propaganda. 

And maybe I can use this as my “Why Power” (mad props to Darren Hardy!!) to overcome my withdrawal from society. Understanding Human Folly shouldn’t cause me to condemn or repel from it. 

It’s just part of The Game that we all play, whether we’re aware of it or not. Being aware of it doesn’t make anyone better or separate from others, it just enables one to play and learn more efficiently. To see life for the drama, the great dance that it is, and to enjoy the act of dancing rather than losing out on the present moment by obsessing over a destination, worrying over what tomorrow will bring, focusing on what we don’t have instead of realizing the vast abundance that constantly surrounds us, if only we would open ourselves up to it and embrace it. Not to pull away and close ourselves off from the immense beauty and magic happening. Happening Right Now. At This Very Moment. And this one. And this one too.

Let’s get off our apathetic asses and go experience as much as we can handle, relishing the Present Moment in all its glory, with an attitude of gratitude. Even if all I can do today is the most bare-bones of basics, if I can only handle being out of bed for short periods of time because I’m so fucking wiped out from fatigue and malaise and stomach issues that have me running to the toilet every couple minutes, I can still revel in the fact that I’m alive, that I have my perspective to contribute, that I can see and hear and feel and talk and think and dream. 

That I am one unique expression of the energy that comprises this glorious and mysterious Universe, and that is more than enough, and I am content.

And you are too!  We can all learn from each other, from the different perspectives we hold, if only we can develop the courage and strength to reach out to others, to share our vulnerabilities rather than hide from them. To come down from this damned lonely mountain top. The first step is always the hardest... Baby steps. I’ll start making small changes today to get me back on course.

‘Cuz holy shit, am I “ronery”! I miss you, world.

Is your glass half empty, or half full? What will you do to seize this day?  

*Love & Light* 

Renata “The Chronic Badass” Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Medical Cannabis in Vermont vs. Colorado, and Thoughts on America's Drug Policies

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

I’m gonna get real for a sec.

As I write this, pain and frustration have me in their grip. I have been crying all morning, consumed by Great Vengeance and Furious Anger.

Yeah, this is how I feel about US Drug Policy...

You see, I am running low on my plant medicines, specifically cannabis, and my Fibromyalgia symptoms have been running around unchecked. My already severely limited quality of life is being impacted even further, because of lack of safe access to this plant. I’m in the process of applying for Vermont’s Medical Cannabis Program, but its much more involved than where we were living just two months ago, and it will be at least a month before I will be able to purchase from a state-legal dispensary.

Toto, we certainly aren’t in Colorado anymore.

Moving from somewhere where this ancient plant medicine is legal and respected, to New England, or anywhere that doesn’t recognize its value in the same way as those states who have legalized or have less restrictive medical cannabis programs, is like stepping back in time 50 years. I appreciate and understand to a certain extent why Vermont is so strict, it keeps that legal Mob known as the Feds off their case. But it makes things infinitely more difficult on the patients. To start, it costs much more money to apply out here than in Colorado, with no options for fee waivers or adjustments for those who are below a certain income bracket. I can’t shop until I get my official state card, unlike Colorado where patients can shop with their temporary paperwork until they get official documents in the mail. Also, unlike Colorado, upon application approval, I have to pre-select a designated dispensary for procurement, and can only shop at that location. And its not like I get to check the quality or variety before I choose, and anytime I want to switch dispensaries I have to send in more money to the state and fill out more paperwork. Oh yeah and you can only shop by appointment. Talk about frustrating. Being a Los Angeles native, and having relocated here from the booming Green Rush of the High Rockies, and having worked in the industry in both states, one could say I have very high standards of quality. And with the Fibro I have found that specific strains and methods of ingestion are more effective for some symptoms than others (will be discussing in detail in a future post). But I don’t get to shop around or know what my options will be before I drive an hour to the nearest dispensary to purchase my medicine. Awesome.

Leaving the bubble that is Colorado has really driven home how ass-backwards drug policies are in this country. How is it, that in 2014, with the World Wide Search Engine known as the Internet at our fingertips every moment, that we are still attacking plants? It just boggles my fucking mind. It is open information now, and has been for some time, that cannabis was made illegal for political and racist reasons, not for the health and well being of the citizens of this fine country; that this plant is safe, efficacious, and potentially profitable to boot. Should you happen to believe otherwise, you are in complete denial, I know you have no science to back up your claims, only beliefs, biases, and convoluted data. Argue with me, please, I fucking dare you. When I look around Vermont and see the overwhelming poverty and all that comes with that; drug and alcohol abuse, shuttered windows, closed stores and gas stations, entire neighborhoods with For Sale signs in front of each home, abandoned homes, buildings and properties, I don’t understand why lawmakers wouldn’t be jumping all over the chance to boost their economy and bring safe alternatives to their sick populous. Especially when you consider Vermont’s exploding opiate abuse problem, why wouldn’t you want to offer people safe alternatives?

Why are Cannabis and other plant medicines still illegal and stigmatized? 

I just don’t understand. It just doesn’t compute. 

And why are processed opiates legal, but you can't harvest your own opium from poppies? Opium is much safer than refined opiates, and much less addictive, altho it still must be handled with care. People would save a lot of money if they could grow their own poppies for opium.

What’s my beef with the medicines already legal and available? I don't feel pharmaceuticals shouldn't exist at all, I just don't feel they are the only solution, and think its only fair to have options about how one manages their health. What works for some might not work for others, or what's safe for one person might be detrimental to another.

For example, I have severe allergies to most medications, including the highly praised Penicillins, as well as suflas, and opiates. As someone who has been dealing with monthly Level 10 pain for going on 15 years, I have tried pretty much every pain pill imaginable to manage it, to no avail. And I have seen firsthand the detrimental effects of long term opiate use and abuse. I have lost several people to overdoses or complications from withdrawal, and all but one were prescription related. I never thought I could be grateful for my opiate allergy until I saw how addicted my friends were becoming. The most recent one I lost was like a brother to me; he passed while in jail, withdrawing from Methadone. His family hid the news out of shame or something, I’m not sure why, and he never even got a formal memorial. He was one of the most talented people I’ve ever known, and it breaks my heart. Methadone is the one they give you to get off Heroin. Which makes NO fucking sense to me because its so fucking dangerous and addictive in itself. How in the fuck does it make sense to treat an addiction with another addiction? All the people I knew who got into Heroin started with pills. And the majority of them wound up preferring Oxycontin over Heroin when they could get that. “It’s way easier than mainlining bro. I like to drink grape gatorade so that when I vomit it doesn’t taste bad.” Cannabis has not been shown to be physically addictive, and as someone who has been using it regularly for over a decade, I can tell you it is not. Habit forming, yes. Physically addictive? No. You will not puke and shake and rob your own family to feed your need for cannabis. 

"You ever suck some dick for some marijuana?" "No, I can't say that I have..."

As someone with a chronic illness, meaning I have it FOR LIFE and it will NEVER go away, I have to carefully consider the long term safety of any symptom management regiment I choose to follow. Besides my monthly pain I also have developed severe daily chronic pain and other symptoms over the last several years due to the onset of my Fibromyalgia. Opiates, NSAID’s, and other commonly used pain management methods are definitely not safe when used for years. I used Ibuprofen for so long that I started developing stomach problems and had to stop. 

So what do you do when you are in constant pain? When you wake up every morning feeling like you are going to shit yourself and puke at the same time? When you can’t sleep, can’t eat? When your quality of life has been severely impacted by your health?  When it feels like there’s needles poking thru your retinas and your head pounds like its in a vice? The generally accepted answer is pills, pills, and more pills. I’ve been lurking immune disease forums for the last couple years, and the members are almost always on a myriad of pills. One to help with pain, a laxative to help you poop since pain pills bind you up, an SSRI or some other anti-depressant because being chronically sick fucking sucks, a pill for nausea, a pill for appetite stimulation, a pill to help you sleep...pills, pills, pills! Processing all that shit has to be super hard on the body, especially the kidneys, which are already at risk of being attacked by an immune system gone awry, as happens in immune mediated diseases. Not to mention manufacturing pharmaceuticals is poisonous to the planet (which is why the majority are made in other countries...they aren’t under US Environmental laws and so forth), and involves a bunch of gross stuff that you wouldn’t want to put into your body. (I will procure references for all my claims in another, better organized post. For now, I just need to rant.) 

So what if I told you I use plants for all my Fibro symptoms? Primarily cannabis, one of the first plants known to be cultivated by man per archeological carbon dating, a plant whose entire parts can be used, from roots to flowers, for either medical or industrial purposes, a plant that can be grown on the same soil for years before needing to rotate crops, a plant that is ridiculously safe. 

Speaking of the topic of safety, let’s get Scientific for a second. Whenever assessing the potential danger of a drug, one should know its LD-50. The term “LD-50”, refers to the dose that kills off 50% of a population in a drug study. So if you have 100 rats in a lab and you give them X amount of Z drug and half of them die, then that’s the LD-50 for that drug. Ideally, one wants to be working with drugs whose LD-50 is much higher than the effective dose. LD-50’s can be affected by animal type (mice vs. rats. vs. humans, etc), age, gender, and tolerance (Especially with opiates and alcohol. What would kill a non-user would not affect an addict, and addicts usually die from overdose when they have been clean for a while and then use again, at a dose they were used to when they still had a tolerance.). Published LD-50’s show that opiates, cocaine, amphetamines, and antidepressants have relatively low LD-50’s, whereas cannabis has a much higher LD-50 (generally around 1500 pounds in 15 minutes....good luck with that shit, homie! You’d most definitely pass out long before you reached that goal!). In the case of LSD, the LD-50 remains unknown. Meaning nothing has ever died from any dose of LSD, even crazy high doses. Hmm. Interesting.

With this information in mind, doesn’t the way the Federal Government has scheduled drugs seem a little confusing? How is it that cocaine and opiates’ medical value has been recognized, which can kill you quite easily and are incredibly addictive, yet cannabis remains Schedule 1, meaning that it has “no medical value and is incredibly dangerous”? This in spite of the fact that the Federal Government established the Compassionate Investigational New Drug Study program in 1976, giving medical cannabis to over 30 patients until 1992, when George Bush the 1st decided there was “no medical value” to it and scaled back the program. Now there are just 4 patients under this program. But it still exists. So the Feds say “this is a dangerous drug with no known medical value, so we shall make it Schedule 1. But we have this medical program where we give this drug to patients because it has been deemed a medical necessity.” WTF?!?

And this is what REALLY pisses me off. They sure as hell didn’t ask the patients they kicked off the program about the medical value of it. They didn’t say, “Hey, does this help you? Okay, sweet.” Nope, they just fucking decided, because the Bush administration wanted to be “hard on drugs”. 

Let’s not even look at the science for a sec...

How in the fuck can you tell me or anyone else who suffers what has medical value?

How can you tell me how to manage my pain, my nausea, my cachexia, my vertigo, my eye pain and headaches, my daily living?

How can anyone tell someone who suffers how they can and can’t manage it?

You have NO fucking idea what its like, unless you are in the same shitty boat. Some people get handed a raw deal in this life, and some get really lucky. If you have your health, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. I don’t give a fuck if you are broke, or you just got dumped, or you failed a class or got fired. I don’t care. You cannot buy health, you cannot earn it, you can’t get it back once its lost. I don’t care how shitty your life situation is, if you are in good health and free of chronic pain or other chronic symptoms, you are one of the richest people on the planet. Truly, you are lucky. 

Like drawing cards from a deck. Some people get a full house, or royal flush. Others wish they could trade in their hand and pull from the deck again. A fresh start. But life doesn’t work like that. 

Now, looking at Science, let’s talk about the Endocannabinoid System. I will produce a more detailed post dedicated specifically to this system and to the numerous cannabinoids found naturally in plants and animals in the near future, but for now a quick overview. One of the most common receptor sites in the human Central Nervous and Peripheral Systems is the cannabinoid receptor. The purpose of endogenously produced cannabinoids remains poorly understood, as does the majority of the inner workings of our bodies, but it is speculated that they are involved with the regulation of pain, appetite, motor learning, and synaptic activity. Interestingly, studies are showing that the amount of cannabinoids produced by our bodies exceed the amount of cannabinoid receptors, which suggests cannabinoids are used by our bodies in other ways that we still don’t know about. 

Now why would we restrict people from using things that our own bodies make? I’m just as puzzled over this as I am with DMT, which is also Schedule 1. DMT is made in our brains and is in our bodies. We also don’t understand much about its role in our physiology, but its there, so obviously its important. Mother Nature doesn’t conduct processes over billions of years and keep things for Shits’n’Giggles. But if you, or I, or your sweet innocent Mom, or your preacher/rabbi/sensei, or your child, or anyone regardless of whether having purposely ingested DMT or not, were to be forcibly tested right now for it, we’d “all be holding”, to quote the late, great, Terence McKenna. 

Fuckin' love this!!

In short, our brains run on drugs. They would not function without them.

We need to re-evaluate the way we use the word “drug”. Why are pharmaceuticals accepted as medicine, and anything else demonized and called “drugs”? Why don’t we recognize that we all use drugs everyday? Caffeine, nicotine, refined sugar, alcohol; the products praised and supported by our consumerist nation, those are some of the most dangerous drugs on the planet. 

So why don’t we have the option to use Cannabis? Why is it still illegal? Why can’t I buy cartridges for my vaporizer pen from Amazon, and grow cannabis in my garden next to my tomatoes? Why must countless people suffer needlessly due to lack of safe access or proper education? We are still fed Reefer Madness bullshit, in this, the Age of the Internet. 

I miss my Colorado bubble more than words can express. I’m freaking out about my Fibromyalgia breaking thru the curtain I manage to keep up everyday by using Cannabis. I am in massive pain right now, the only things allowing me to type are Kratom (Mitragyna speciosa, a post on that is coming), ginger (also have a post coming on the science behind that), and Great Vengeance and Furious Anger.

You see, I have a Dream. 

A dream that someday all the residents of this beautiful and fragile planet will have safe access to alternative methods of treatment and symptom management. 

A dream that we can free ourselves from deadly addictions and toxic habits. 

A dream of having the freedom to explore our own consciousness as we see fit. 

A dream that one day we will be able to discuss plant medicines with our doctors as easily as we currently discuss SSRI’s and opiates with them. 

Perhaps I was pulled out of Colorado for a purpose. 

I would have remained complacent there, lazy in my surroundings, forgetting that is the exception rather than the norm. I wouldn’t have felt the need to become more involved, to make my voice heard, to stand up for what is right and push for continued reform. Every voice counts.

The time has long been overdue for some serious change in the way this country views drugs. Too many people have suffered for too long. Too many good people have stood by and done nothing, too many presidents have said cannabis should be accessible but haven’t done anything to change it, too many innocent people have been and remain incarcerated. 

Being sick is not a crime. Pain is not a crime. Consciousness exploration is not a crime. 

There is hope on the horizon, with reform taking place at the state level, and the re-examination of plants and alternative drugs in medical studies, like the ones taking place at John Hopkins. I personally believe its only a matter of time. But some of us don’t have much time to wait. And It doesn’t change all the injustice that has taken place since the advent of Harry J. Anslinger and Prohibition. 

Thank you for reading this rant. Maybe it will do some good in this world.

I promise my future posts will have specific and scientific references accompanying my claims. 

And I promise to fight for the plants.

*Peace & Plants*

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)