Fibromyalgia/M.E./CFS/Invisible Illness Awareness Week

When you picture a disabled person, you're probably like I used to be. For me, the term "disabled" used to conjure images of quadriplegics, like Stephen Hawking, or the blind, or deaf. I had no clue there is a whole spectrum of disabilities out there, many of which aren't visible to the uneducated/inexperienced, nor that they can vary in severity from moment to moment and day to day.

After the onset of what turned out to be Fibromyalgia in 2011, I have learned differently. Even though I'm half Mexican and used to sunbathe all day, one of the most debilitating symptoms I struggle with is a light sensitivity (UV rays). In fact, that is the primary reason my boyfriend and I left Boulder County, Colorado. At over a mile high and with more than 300 days of sunshine annually, I was literally stuck inside our apartment most of the day with the blinds drawn and tapestries over them because even then it was still too bright. I remember struggling to walk maybe a hundred feet to our mailbox to check the mail, because there was very little shade and even with a giant UV sunhat, parasol, and clothing, it still felt like the sun was burning into my very bones, sapping me of all energy so that I was exhausted when I got back home and just had to sleep off the rest of the day like when I used to party like an animal out in the desert. But all I'd done was check the friggin' mail. That's why we left one of the greatest places in the country - a place where you can buy cannabanoid infused transdermal patches with a credit card, surrounded by some of the most beautiful people and mountains I've ever seen. Not to mention the music scene pops off out there. And I didn't even get to explore it much because I got sick. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Moving on.

And that is just one symptom that debilitates me that you can't see. Except that I'm super pale compared to how I was a few years ago (will post pics up later to show before/after, don't have access to old pics at the moment and am crashing at 3:30am here from gnar-gnar hyperactivity/insomnia - another thing you can't see that throws me for a loop). For further details on what my Fibro feels like check out this post here. It does a pretty good job. 

What I want to rant about before I take a few more of some of my favorite meds (a discussion I will save for another time) and bongloads and hopefully finally sleep is that one thing that shocks me is how misunderstanding people can be about these "invisible illnesses". I've been critiqued/disbelieved along the way by just about everyone except my boyfriend, bless him, especially when you consider about 75% of couples experiencing the onset of illness in one of the partners will fail - that includes the more understood diseases like cancer, folks. Everyone in my family has questioned it, and most of the extended family still hasn't come around, and it's caused issues in my boyfriend's family too. 

It's a common issue that many fellow "chronic badasses", as I like to call us, deal with on an all too frequent basis. People think we're lazy, hypochondriacs, attention whores, mentally ill, or something along those lines. I can't speak for us all but I can tell you in my case that I do have my fair share of personality flaws just like anyone else, but I sure as hell am not lazy or any of those other things. Up until 2011, I raved/partied harder than people twice my size, I started working at 15 so I could take care of myself since I grew up a latch key kid - coming home to notes with instructions about how to make dinner for my sisters and I - I commuted/drove all over California, worked as part of a pit crew at Irwindale Speedway, and started getting serious about my journalism/automotive restoration career. And right before I got sick I finally found a job I could picture staying with for more than a few years without getting jaded or bored, as well as getting my shit together as a person enough so that I established my relationship with my current love. 

Why in the fuck would I leave that kind of awesome life to relocate to some po-dunk hick ass town in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont, more than three hours from any major city? Do you know what that does to this city girl? 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for my life, including the challenge that is living with chronic illness. I feel it's made me a stronger, more integrated person, giving me an invaluable perspective on life/our time here on this plane, I've fallen in love with where I live, have definitely benefited from the lower elevation and UV index, and I wouldn't trade my path for anything. I feel I could be of great service by sharing my experiences with others. This is what has helped me to get writing regularly again, after all the pain and grief I've experienced. Still haven't been able to get back on Facebook though, I wonder if my account is even still active? 

And forgive me if I come across as angry. But sometimes a little fire needs to be mixed in. People need to know that they don't know and that is the exact reason they should respect illnesses and disabilities that can't be easily seen or understood. I would never expect someone to understand what it's like to be chronically ill or disabled if they have never faced it themselves. Just like I could never understand what it's like to be in anyone else's shoes. But I respect your story exactly because I could never comprehend it. And all I'm asking for is the same, and it just boggles my mind how rare reciprocity is.

And I'm angry about how illnesses like Fibromyalgia are traditionally diagnosed and managed. The methods employed are about as ass-backwards as leaching or cutting or sprinkling holy water. The drugs used generally aren't very efficacious, tend to have sketchy side effects, and are dangerous when used long term (and these are chronic illnesses, so long term is a part of the picture). I am passionate about sharing my successes using medical cannabis products and other non-traditional plants/drugs and methods like diet/lifestyle changes. Which I will be getting to in more detail as soon as I finish the current series I'm working on. 

So, please, as this week winds to a close, keep the spreading the awareness and compassion for these invisible illnesses. If you know someone who is ill or disabled and don't know what to do or want to understand more, just ask. Or do some quick Google searching. You'd be surprised how many celebrities are affected by these extremely challenging conditions - like Morgan Freeman, Toni Braxton, Janeane Garofalo, and Halle Barry. 

Well, that's all for now. Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope you found it informative and it sparked some curiosity or compassion in you to learn more. 

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

"The Cleansing Fire" - A Poem

I will be picking back up with my "Staying Positive While Living with Chronic Illness" series shortly. Of which I've needed to heed my own advice over the last week, as it has been fraught with some personal challenges. So, here's a quick poem I wrote about it :)

hide away

hide away

from this haze 

of sadness and pain

that claims
this body, this house 

hasn't been a home

too much insanity condoned 

for even a mouse

to feel comfortable staying here

in this house

this home

got to get the fuck out 

before they own

our souls, thoughts, habits

gotta get the fuck out

see opportunity, grab it

like a life preserver

and never let go

keep pushing further

until we're so far from this house

this broken home

that it's nothing but a feeble memory

lost and alone

like I feel now in this room

while insanity persues

those just outside the door

let us escape this sickness 

and be free from it evermore

evermore I love you 

my love

I know the two of us can rise above

this muck and mire

the cleansing fire

is so painful it's exquisite

but if it makes us stronger

than it's worth it

isn't it?

"You insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders..."

Thank you for reading! Stay strong in whatever battles you're facing at the moment :)

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Staying Positive While Living With A Chronic Illness - How I Use Philosophy & Psychology to Manage My Perspective

Oh so very flared up today and the last several days. Have been battling vertigo and brain fog pretty bad. Please pardon any typos or poorly constructed sentences as a result :)

Spring is rough on my Fibromyalgia due to fluctuations in barometric pressure. Just gotta ride out a few more weeks. Then the weather should stop fluctuating from Winter to Summer, and finally settle into the warm glories of Summer in Vermont. Besides the ticks, mosquitoes, and poison oak, this place is heaven during the warmer months. Heaven all year really, if you're into the four seasons thing. Which I totally am. But I digress.

I'm not here to talk to you about nature or the seasons or Vermont. Not today, anyhow.
Today I want to share something very important to me, and maybe it will help someone else too.

Living with a disabling chronic illness can be a total mindfuck. There's a reason medical professionals tend to automatically dole out anti-depressants when a patient is diagnosed with something like Fibro. Your entire quality of life is altered in ways you can't comprehend unless you've been through something similar yourself. The difference between gnosis and simple book knowledge, I suppose. The entire experience could break a person's will and mind if not managed properly.

I'll save the discussion of my favorite plants and chemicals for managing my Fibro and the stresses of living with it for a time when I don't feel like I'm stuck on the Disneyland "Teacups" ride for several days straight.

Not so fun when you're unable to get off the ride

For now I'd like to focus on drug-free ways of feeling good even when living with something as challenging as chronic pain and illness. Drug-free methods are awesome because you don't have to worry about safety or tolerance, they're legal everywhere, and they give empowerment to the patient. Either used alone or in combination with your favorite chemical cocktail, these methods have and continue to prove to be invaluable to me in my day to day life.

I know what it's like to wake up feeling like death, either due to an illness, or depression, or some other life circumstance. Waking up exhausted, in unimaginable pain, and struggling to get out of bed. I woke up like that yesterday, and today, and probably will tomorrow. The joys of illness.

How do you keep from going mad when faced with such a grim Groundhog's day existence?

Finding humor within the madness

For me, it's all about perspective. Our perspective molds our realities, fuels our creativity, drives our immune systems. Instead of starting my days off with the news or social media, I start off listening to something that will fuel me rather than bog me down. As a "spoonie" with limited energy, this is pertinent to being able to maximize my use of each day.

The beauty of living in the Information Age is we have access to pretty much any piece of data ever recorded, for free or very close to that. You can learn about anything you want. You can choose which forms of media you will consume, which communities you'll interact with. You can filter your online reality into the ultimate educational/inspirational machine. Or you can turn it into a nightmarish collage of death and destruction and despair. You decide. It's your reality, after all.

My favorite topics are Personal Development, Comedy, and Philosophy/Psychology, specifically Eastern Philosophy. I'd tried studying Zen and integrating meditation into my life in the past, but as a Westerner and recovering Lutheran I found the concepts so foreign I wasn't able to properly grasp them, got frustrated, and gave them up.

Then I discovered the work of Alan Watts. He was a brilliant Comparative Philosopher who helped popularize mainstream interest in Eastern Religions during the 50's and  60's. By lecturing in an entertaining way on the similarities and differences between the West and East, he helped the United States to understand both cultures and their religions/philosophies with greater clarity and insight.



I find his words to be very helpful in my day to day struggles. They continually help me to keep my perspective positive, by reminding me how little we understand, and how beautiful the mystery is. A mystery of which you and are also apart.

It helps that his voice is so soothing you don't care what he's discussing, like listening to a waterfall.

I also love the work of Psychologists Carl Jung and Robert Anton Wilson. Studying the mind helps me to understand and manage my mental battles with more skill and strategy.



Honorable mention goes out to Ann Shulgin, who has worked as a Lay-Psychotherapist, and shared her experiences in the brilliant and taboo shattering books she co-wrote with her husband - the late, great Chemist, Alex "Shasha" Shulgin (RIP Sasha. Thank you for your tireless and fearless dedication to studying consciousness!). Even if you have no interest in chemistry or pharmacology, there's a damned good tale of love, hope, and adventure interwoven in those pages.

Some of the greatest explorers you've probably never heard of

I hope by sharing with you here that you too may find peace and serenity from the many works of these great souls, or if not, the inspiration to seek out your own favorite "mind fuel" to help give you the strength and inspiration to overcome whatever mountain you're struggling to climb.

Next post I'll discuss my favorite comedians and how laughter effects our health, immune system, and pain levels.

What are your favorite drug-free methods to manage stress, anxiety, and/or depression?  

Thanks for reading! 
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

*Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

"Warrior Cry" - Strength in Poetry

Been facing some personal challenges over the last week, from both flares in my Fibromyalgia and family issues. I try to maintain an ever positive outlook on life no matter what obstacles I'm facing, but often I find I must push through the darkness to find the light in these difficult situations. I must allow myself time to feel what I need to feel, to process my grief and other feelings. With release comes healing, and then the strength to move on. This morning was particularly challenging, and so I put on my headphones, blasted 10,000 Days by Tool at high volume, and this poem came out. It made me feel strong again. My hope in sharing it is that maybe it could help someone else. 

I'm facing the abyss 

once again

I thought I'd left you for good

old friend

Things are amiss 

when they should be golden

Trying to be strong 

without folding 

But I fear

this time I may actually break 

I may have been given 

more than I can take

But I must make 

myself be strong

If not for my own sake

then for you and all else along

with me on this wild journey

This is a burden only I can carry

For I'm a survivor

With each battle I get mightier

You want me?

You'll not take me without a fight

In my veins flows the might 

of my ancestors like

the Yoeme and Thor's Angels 

Fear only destroys and mangles 

twists reality into distorted angles

I shake my fist at the sky

screaming, "I defy!" 

Do I make myself clear?

My flesh and bones may not be here much longer

but my spirit grows ever stronger

Do you hear me?

Gods, Deities 

Earth, Fire, and Water

I serve thee willingly

just please make me stronger

Like the warrior braves from my past

Who fought boldly to the very last

Even when all sight of hope was lost

Left stranded and double crossed

Let me honor their memory 

By standing tall and proud

Screaming war cries as loud

as my straining lungs will allow

I'll not cower in this corner any longer

I call now on all I am as Earth's Daughter

Ancestors, Sky, Fire, and Water

To keep the fight in me

make this warrior stronger

Til my time to rest comes

and I'm needed no longer

Stay strong my fellow warriors and Chronic Badasses :)

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

4/20 - A Celebration of Freedom of Choice

Today, people across the globe people will be celebrating The 4/20 Holiday, and in this great year of our lord 2015, we do have a lot to celebrate!

After over 70 insane years we're finally seeing some progress towards the end of Cannabis Prohibition!!!! We've legalized medical use of Cannabis in 23 states, with nine more pending, along with its recreational use in two states, with an estimated 10 more pending. People of all ages and from all walks of life are openly discussing spiritual and medical uses of Ayahuasca, MDMA, and Psilocin - topics that were only for the wild fringe just five years ago. This makes me more optimistic than I could have ever hoped to be that in my lifetime we will continue seeing much needed change in the way we view and manage mind altering substances. 

Hmm...haven't we been down this road before?

But, we must not get complacent. We must remember there are still many states and nations that do not yet have safe access to Cannabis, even medically. And we still have a long ways yet before we've overcome The War on Consciousness, aka The Drug War. If we as adults don't have the right to explore our minds and bodies, then how can we call ourselves free?Why are drugs like alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine culturally sanctioned, but cannabis, LSD, and mushrooms remain taboo? What makes one drug "good" and one "bad" in the eyes of a society? Certainly not factors like safety, considering there is NO known lethal dose of LSD and no recorded deaths from Cannabis, while countless deaths related to alcohol and tobacco use occur every year. 

It's time to ask questions, it's time for answers. It's time for education, not fear mongering.

I am a Psychonaut, and proud of it! And I'm a grateful Medical Cannabis patient. I seriously don't know how I'd manage my Fibromyalgia without this amazing and versatile plant. It breaks my heart to see how many people could benefit from medical alternatives like Cannabis, but are prevented from even trying them because of local laws created out of fear, not logic. 

Wish I could be in Colorado. celebrating this day as only they can. But, I'm out in the rural country of the Green Mountain State, so I will be celebrating virtually with the Global Tribe. 
And that is more than enough :) 

Want to get involved? Check out The Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, The National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws, and Americans for Safe Access. 

Let's all keep working towards change! 

An anti-prohibition poem I wrote this morning: 

Today
We celebrate

Freedom of Choice

Today

We stand 

United as one voice

Today

We honor

Those who came before

Today

We speak

For our right to explore

the inner planes of body and mind 

It's not immature, or reckless

It's a natural part of human nature to expect this

Desire

This unquenchable thirst

You can try to stop the fire

but it was burning first

And always will be

So long as there's human curiosity

An ember glows within us all

Can't you see 

Your delusion will be your downfall

Under the illusion that there's Justice for All

While lives are destroyed for heeding the call

To explore 

The inner planes of body and mind 

It's completely insane

How can we be so behind?

For such an advanced society
We're as arcane as the Inquisition used to be

How many more must suffer or go to jail

Before we admit Prohibition has failed?

Has robbed us of options, of choices

I dream of living in a world where our voices are heard

Where our rights to explore body and mind aren't deterred

Where Drug Cartels are a thing of the past

Where doctors and patients are free to ask

"What if?

What if this works?

What if there are cures 

We haven't been allowed to research?"

It's about time 

We're free 

To explore body and mind

An inalienable right

To all Humankind

Here's some Cannabis related material for your entertainment and enlightenment:

The Emperor Wears No Clothes - Cannabis History by Jack Herer

Joe Rogan - Why Marijuana is Illegal

Dr. Sanjay Gupta's CNN Special "Weed"

A few people to remember as we celebrate:

Robert Randall - First ever legal US Medical Cannabis patient under the US Investigational New Drug Program. He went through legal and physical hell to make this happen. He then went on to co-found the Alliance for Cannabis Therapeutics with his wife, Alice O'Leary, to push for the end of prohibition of medical cannabis. Robert died in 2001 after decades of fighting Glaucoma and serious illness. To learn more about Mr. Randall and the Federal New Drug Program he was a patient under (and is still a technically active program) go to: Federal Investigational New Drug Program (Original Medical Cannabis program)

Jack Herer - A brutal pro-war Republican prohibitionist, transformed into one of the most renowned Cannabis Activists in modern history. From 1967 to 2010 he dedicated his life to pushing for prohibition change, risking it many times in the process. He died in 2010 due to complications from heart attack. For more information on Mr. Herer's life, and a bunch of useful books, videos, and links, go to http://www.jackherer.com/.

Terence McKenna - A silver tongued bard, bold psychonaut, author, ethnobotanist, lecturer, and cannabis enthusiast. He was not afraid to speak of his discoveries deep in the wilds of the jungle, or altered states, and co-wrote Psilocybin: Magic Mushroom Grower's Guide: A Handbook for Psilocybin Enthusiasts. Check out Terence McKenna on Cannabis  for a nice intro to his thoughts, on one of my favorite podcasts, The Psychedelic Salon.

You tell 'em, buddy!

I hope you found this to be entertaining and enlightening :) 
Who are some of your favorite psychonauts and/or Anti-Prohibition activists?

Happy 4/20 my fellow Explorers! Be  sure to party safely!

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen

Ticks, Fleas, & Bugs, oh My! How I Protect my Cat, Self, & Home with Natural, Non-Toxic Products

Well folks it's that time of year again! The warming months bring us many wonderful things here in New England, like birds, frogs, and summer rains, along with less desirable elements such as mosquitos and ticks. And, rumor has it that this coming Tick Season is supposed to be particularly brutal. Hooray.

Ticks are my newfound nemesis since moving out here last year. Prior to that, I'd lived in areas that didn't host the evil bastards in such profusions. My super awesome companion animal/kitty friend/Thunder-Buddy-For-Life, being a Norwegian Forest Cat, has a long, dense coat that ticks just love to get up in and crawl all over like they're in Brazil at Carnival or something. And it's not just her I'm worried about, it's myself and fellow Pink Monkeys that reside in the house as well. We all love to get out for moderate hikes and walks.

So, how do we protect ourselves and households? Staples like natural bug-repellent candles, screens that don't have holes in them, keeping the grass around your home short, planting bug repelling plants like Mint, Thyme, Lavendar, and Calendula, and wearing long socks tucked over pants prior to hikes (I know it's very unsexy, but Lyme's Disease is far more unsexier!), are all great starting points. For many reasons, including a rather strong chemical sensitivity, I avoid freaky chemicals like DEET at all costs, even if it does work really well. So what does one do for pest repellent and extermination? Certain essential oil blends such as doTERRA's TerraShield and Purify work wonders as an insect repellent when mixed with Witch Hazel or Apple Cider Vinegar and sprayed onto the skin and clothing.

Summertime Lifesavers!!

But pets, especially cats, tend to be extremely sensitive to essential oils. I learned this the hard way, when, after acquiring my first bottles of the afore mentioned oil blends, I liberally sprayed everything in my room in a natural de-bugging ecstasy. Freya got sick shortly thereafter, almost reminded me of when I have a sensitivity reaction, but cat-style. Which means she proceeded to have sneezing fits and puke everywhere. Poor baby! I felt so bad, but thankfully figured out the trigger quickly, and after washing everything I'd sprayed she recuperated.

So, for my Freya Cat, I have found what seems to be the ultimate solution. Not only does it work very well, the products I use are affordable and accessible! You may even already have one or both in your home, though if you are of the latter population I suspect you already use it for this application as well ;)

My Thunder Buddy <3

DIATOMACEOUS EARTH
"D.E." for short. A classic homesteading staple, and one of my favorite latest personal discoveries! Basically ground up silica, it acts like a desiccant when it comes in contact with any pest that crawls across it. Picture when someone pours salt on a slug. Gross image, but that's pretty much the idea.

I've found the easiest way to apply D.E. to Freya's coat is to dip her brush into a container (designated solely for this purpose of course), then brush it into her coat from head to tail, working it as close to the surface of her skin as possible. Sometimes I'll brush against the coat, then brush back with the flow of her fur to really get it in there. I do this before she goes out, and at the end of the day. This may be a hassle for those cats that aren't as patient as mine, or folks that have more distractions or busier schedules. But, the routine only takes about 20 minutes total out of my day, so I'm confident you could find some time to squeeze it in. It's definitely worth the effort because I think you'll also be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Diatomaceous Earth. Easier to use than spell ;)

And it does work! When I started using it last year I noticed shriveled up dead ticks mixed into the balls of fur I pulled off her hairbrush, and very few actually getting to dig their ugly heads into her precious skin. They still get in every once in a while, so one must be diligent of checking your pet daily, or as frequently as possible, for any bloodsuckers that may have made their way through.

You can also use D.E. around your home for similar effects - sprinkle it in your garden, on window and door sills, anywhere you'd like to create a crawling bug barrier. Works for bed bugs too! It's also useful as a detoxing agent, dewormer, adding to your homemade deodorant and tooth powders...the possibilities are seemingly endless with D.E.! To top it off, I got a 10 pound bag of Food Safe D.E. for around $12 using Amazon Prime. (When purchasing, make sure you're buying Food Grade D.E.!) Which means I'll be set through the Zombie Apocalypse.

10 pound box of D.E. Foot for scale.

For further reading, and a host of all sorts of other useful information, check out one of my favorite blogs of all time: How To Use Diatomaceous Earth - The Prairie Homestead.


RAW APPLE CIDER VINEGAR
"ACV" for short. Another favorite household product with countless uses.
MUST BE RAW/UNPASTURVIZED TO WORK. Usually there will be "floaties" in raw vinegar. This is good. Those floaties are bits of the "mother culture" used to create the vinegar. A brand you've probably seen that I love is Bragg's. Bugs don't seem to like it at all. Except those little annoying black gnats, they seem to love it. For those dudes you can put some ACV in the bottom of a narrow necked bottle, like a plastic soda bottle, and it makes an excellent trap for them. They will fly in and drown in the vinegar! For my cat, after I brush the D.E. into her coat and prior to letting her out for the day, I apply some ACV to a cloth or paper towel and lightly wipe her down with it. I also add a few drops to her drinking water. This acts as an insect "repellent", and it's also good for her digestive system. I'm a fan of multi-tasking! I'd imagine that Witch Hazel would work just as well, I've just never tried it, and haven't researched how kitty friendly it is.

I also use ACV around the home for pest control. We have a few puddles that tend to stay around all summer, the ideal place for mosquitos to breed. I pour about a quarter cup or so into each puddle, after every new rain, and it completely prevents mosquitos breeding there. The wasps seem to avoid the mud around them as well.

I have many, many other uses for ACV that I will save for future posts :)

They key to these and most natural remedies is that you need to be diligent. You must use the techniques everyday, make them part of your routine, and they will work marvelously. But you can't do them occasionally, or even moderately, and expect them to work effectively.

For the safety of my Freya, my home, loved ones, and self, I feel the small efforts involved with natural pest control are worth the big payoffs.

Thanks for reading! Hope you find this information is as useful to you as it has been for me :)
What are some of your favorite, natural insect/pest control methods/products?

Love & Light
Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

"Spoonie Rock" - Poetry

Breaking the poetry back out. This is a recent one, just wrote it last week. For my fellow "Spoonies", "Chronic Badasses", or anyone on the struggle...Keep up, stay strong! We all have moments of weakness in our battles - this was one of mine that I managed to turn around in the end. 

For me, freewriting is one of the best forms of therapy.

Hope you enjoy! 

Please tell me that I'm strong enough for this

When you look at me do you see my pain or strength?

I'm trying to bend like a willow in the wind

but I feel I might crack

I fear I may break

If I did a good thing then why 

Why do I 

why do I feel so sad?

Why do I feel so bad? 

why do I cry? 

Why am I so beat down

it's just a hurricane blowing everything around

Flipping my world upside-down

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

These thorns in my flesh are spread all around

Heart and Mind pound

Feeling heavier than gravity

Wanna crawl into a deep, underground cavity

and rest 

Say I did my best

as I breathe my last into the Earth Mother's sweet breast

But that would be a lie

Surely, I'd be sent back to finish what I started

To guide and soothe the lost and broken hearted

A job only I can do in the way that I do it

Now, if only I can be strong enough to see through it

Please

Let the tears stop

Let the pain subside

Give me the strength

to get up and ride

On to better places 

Friendlier faces

filled with the presence of God's graces

Time erases all pain

I know it's hard to think sunshine when you're lost in the rain

But you have everything to gain 

if you so choose

Blessings are often disguised as blues

and wise men as simple fools 

So, follow your folly! 

Be free from sadness

May your heart overflow with gladness

Even at your darkest hour 

What's yours is mine, and I give you Power, 

Strength, and Love

May it flow like a river down from above

and sustain you when you need it most

From sister to sister

and coast to coast 

Together

we're far stronger than one ever could be

United we stand

my fellow Spoonies...

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen 

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)