Staying Positive While Living With a Chronic Illness - Comedy & Humor

Journal Entry from earlier this morning:

"Rough start so far, but determined to turn things around. Emo and in pain from ovulation. Didn't sleep as long/deeply as needed and am exhausted and ready to go back to bed even though I just got up. Also stiff, sore, nauseous. Woke up sad/angry about my life circumstances - about feeling rejected/misunderstood by both sides of my family, about money, independence, my health and stamina and sun sensitivity, disability. My brain started going down fast. Started crying, feeling overwhelmed, wanted to break down and start destroying furniture and shit. But this energy does nothing positive or constructive for me at all, and I know everything I'm feeling is valid, but I must channel the river of my emotions accordingly so as not to get swept away in a path of irreversible destruction. 

This day is mine, I claim it, to do with it as I please. I will focus on my blessings, all that I do have, and I will work my ass off to the best of my ability to get as much done as I can, and whatever my best is today, that's okay. It's okay to feel what I feel. It's not okay to wallow, to waste this precious gift of a day by crying and feeling sorry for myself, by focusing on what I lack. This days is mine, I claim and own it, here and now. I can make it into whatever I want it to be, whatever I choose to focus on. 

And I choose love and light and magick and art and creativity and laughter and adventure and service. 

This I choose. And so it shall be. 

Praise Jah!"

Living with Fibromyalgia means that I wake up pretty much every day already struggling before I even get out of bed. With either physical pain and other symptoms like nausea, vertigo, and arthritis, or mental/emotional pain due to chronic illness and disability, like anxiety and depression. Waking up feeling awful makes not only turning your day (and anyone's who happens to wake up next to you) around incredibly difficult, being overwhelmed by emotion can sap one of energy and deplete your immune system, which is already quite taxed for us "spoonies" of the world.

So, how do I turn shitty mornings, or anytime of day, around into something positive and productive, despite the fact that I live with a debilitating, life altering and life long illness?
In my previous post in this series, I discussed the benefits I receive from daily studies of psychology and philosophy. Today I'll be discussing the next cornerstones in my drug-free symptom management tool kit - Comedy and Humor. As I was writing the previously quoted journal entry earlier today, I put my favorite comedy bits on and you can see how it helped turn my mood from dark, stormy, destruction into one of determination and positive focus.

Simply Google "the benefits of laughter" and countless medical resources come up with articles detailing how laughter, like creativity, aids blood pressure and vascular flow, reduces stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, helps the pituitary gland produce endogenous opiates thus naturally reducing pain, increase memory and learning, bond partners/groups and the two halves of the brain, and workout the diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, leg, and back muscles. Working out while laughing? What a fun extra side effect! I'll take all the extra exercise I can, since my stamina is still pretty low and I'm not able to be as active as I'd like. And as for the strengthening bonds thing, I can tell you firsthand that humor is one of the biggest saviors of my long-term relationship, which started shortly before the onset of my illness and has seen some serious tests over the 4 plus years we've been together now.

Check out this quote from Dr. William Fry of Stanford University on http://www.care2.com:

"Humor and creativity work in similar ways – by creating relationships between two disconnected items, you engage the whole brain. Humor works quickly. Less than a half-second after exposure to something funny, and electrical wave moves through the higher brain functions of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere analyzes the words and structures of the joke; the right hemisphere “gets” the joke; the visual sensory area of the occipital lobe creates images; the limbic (emotional) system makes you happier; and the motor sections make you smile or laugh.

So let’s laugh."

Word, homie! Let's laugh indeed, even in the face of seemingly overwhelming circumstances. 
One of my favorite ways to get my daily dose of comedy is through podcasts. Podcasts have become one of my favorite media sources because they are usually free, instantly accessible, and have very little advertising - which not only means less commercials to skip through, but more freedom to the podcasters to express themselves without censoring their beliefs or language.

Some of my favorite podcasts for comedy are: The Joe Rogan Experience (he also has very interesting guests on there, so you learn while you laugh), Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast, and The Duncan Trussell Family Hour (he also has interesting guests in addition to being very funny, and a few years ago overcame cancer in one of his balls and the loss of his mother - whom he had on as a guest not longer before she passed and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed).

Here's some of my favorite comedy bits (all of which I've watched this morning). 
Hope you enjoy them as much as I do! 

I love this bit and have watched it probably dozens of times. This is my go-to when I feel especially down and have no interest in anything goofy or silly. But it perks me up everytime! 


The Stages of Grief by Robot Chicken. I find it to be a perfect metaphor for chronic illness/disability especially. Fucking hilarious!


Maybe you have to be sorta fucked up or have crazy family to truly appreciate "Billiam", but I love this man. He is probably one of my favorite comedians. 


Haha yes, at 30 years old, this is my life right now!


Fucked up thoughts, we all have 'em. Bill's just happens to be really funny. Maybe partly why I love this man so much is he makes me feel sane ;) 


One last Bill Burr bit. For recovering Christians like myself. I laughed so hard the first time I saw this one I teared up :)

More Robot Chicken, some of their Star Wars Parodies (some of my faves, go Seth Green!)

I could list dozens more of my favorite comedy bits, but I think I've given you enough to mull over here for now. 

What are some of your favorite ways to laugh, or do you have any favorite comedians or podcasts?

Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

"The Cosmic Dance" - Poetry

Well good morning, beautiful piece of poetry I don't remember writing last night :)
I'm diggin' the word play and theme of this one. Enjoy! 

feeling sick
but unbroken
these words are spoken
by a warrior with Yaqui provokin'
the fight in my veins
yeah
you thought you killed us all off
well, guess again
we're too damned stubborn and strong
to ever be kept down for long
you see
we've still got the Earth Mother connection
Father Sky looking down, sending us lessons
so easily missed by those all amiss
lost and confused, like you're in a deep mist
but with my Yoeme eyes I can see
the inner workings and harmonies
of this world, this universe, how ever many may be
my culture claims Five
but could be indefinitely
ongoing, ever flowing
outward and in
like a fractal
eternal, infinite
look deep within
and you'll find you're part of it too
the entire universe is also in you
and out at the same time
reality is a mindfuck
but it's fine, more than fine
it's amazing, divine
join in the Cosmic Dance
don't worry about keeping time, or score
just enjoy the present score of music
the Great Party
the dancer's decor
a feast for the senses
but only if your tenses
are focused on the present moment
with no pretenses
own it, be relentless
in your pursuit of happiness and contentment
many naysayers will say it can't be done
but only of their own resentments, my son
so chase down your folly
life's too short otherwise
may you be ever jolly no matter the size
of any battles you might wager this day
remember, you're strong as Yoeme
or whatever Ancestor blood runs through your veins
pay tribute to them by being strong despite the pain
know to experience, to be alive, is to truly be blessed
even when you're stressing or not feeling your best
if life's a play, then let me play my role well
seems my Persona's deemed to guide others up out of Hell
oh well, so be it
I can't think of anyone better
considering my wings have been scorched
but I still have my feathers
I've weathered many storms
Please, give me strength for the next
until this role is no longer needed
then at last I shall rest
when the Persona exits Stage Left
and I move on to whatever Cosmic Play is next...

Sometimes the words come out kinda crazy like

Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

Fibromyalgia/M.E./CFS/Invisible Illness Awareness Week

When you picture a disabled person, you're probably like I used to be. For me, the term "disabled" used to conjure images of quadriplegics, like Stephen Hawking, or the blind, or deaf. I had no clue there is a whole spectrum of disabilities out there, many of which aren't visible to the uneducated/inexperienced, nor that they can vary in severity from moment to moment and day to day.

After the onset of what turned out to be Fibromyalgia in 2011, I have learned differently. Even though I'm half Mexican and used to sunbathe all day, one of the most debilitating symptoms I struggle with is a light sensitivity (UV rays). In fact, that is the primary reason my boyfriend and I left Boulder County, Colorado. At over a mile high and with more than 300 days of sunshine annually, I was literally stuck inside our apartment most of the day with the blinds drawn and tapestries over them because even then it was still too bright. I remember struggling to walk maybe a hundred feet to our mailbox to check the mail, because there was very little shade and even with a giant UV sunhat, parasol, and clothing, it still felt like the sun was burning into my very bones, sapping me of all energy so that I was exhausted when I got back home and just had to sleep off the rest of the day like when I used to party like an animal out in the desert. But all I'd done was check the friggin' mail. That's why we left one of the greatest places in the country - a place where you can buy cannabanoid infused transdermal patches with a credit card, surrounded by some of the most beautiful people and mountains I've ever seen. Not to mention the music scene pops off out there. And I didn't even get to explore it much because I got sick. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Moving on.

And that is just one symptom that debilitates me that you can't see. Except that I'm super pale compared to how I was a few years ago (will post pics up later to show before/after, don't have access to old pics at the moment and am crashing at 3:30am here from gnar-gnar hyperactivity/insomnia - another thing you can't see that throws me for a loop). For further details on what my Fibro feels like check out this post here. It does a pretty good job. 

What I want to rant about before I take a few more of some of my favorite meds (a discussion I will save for another time) and bongloads and hopefully finally sleep is that one thing that shocks me is how misunderstanding people can be about these "invisible illnesses". I've been critiqued/disbelieved along the way by just about everyone except my boyfriend, bless him, especially when you consider about 75% of couples experiencing the onset of illness in one of the partners will fail - that includes the more understood diseases like cancer, folks. Everyone in my family has questioned it, and most of the extended family still hasn't come around, and it's caused issues in my boyfriend's family too. 

It's a common issue that many fellow "chronic badasses", as I like to call us, deal with on an all too frequent basis. People think we're lazy, hypochondriacs, attention whores, mentally ill, or something along those lines. I can't speak for us all but I can tell you in my case that I do have my fair share of personality flaws just like anyone else, but I sure as hell am not lazy or any of those other things. Up until 2011, I raved/partied harder than people twice my size, I started working at 15 so I could take care of myself since I grew up a latch key kid - coming home to notes with instructions about how to make dinner for my sisters and I - I commuted/drove all over California, worked as part of a pit crew at Irwindale Speedway, and started getting serious about my journalism/automotive restoration career. And right before I got sick I finally found a job I could picture staying with for more than a few years without getting jaded or bored, as well as getting my shit together as a person enough so that I established my relationship with my current love. 

Why in the fuck would I leave that kind of awesome life to relocate to some po-dunk hick ass town in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont, more than three hours from any major city? Do you know what that does to this city girl? 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for my life, including the challenge that is living with chronic illness. I feel it's made me a stronger, more integrated person, giving me an invaluable perspective on life/our time here on this plane, I've fallen in love with where I live, have definitely benefited from the lower elevation and UV index, and I wouldn't trade my path for anything. I feel I could be of great service by sharing my experiences with others. This is what has helped me to get writing regularly again, after all the pain and grief I've experienced. Still haven't been able to get back on Facebook though, I wonder if my account is even still active? 

And forgive me if I come across as angry. But sometimes a little fire needs to be mixed in. People need to know that they don't know and that is the exact reason they should respect illnesses and disabilities that can't be easily seen or understood. I would never expect someone to understand what it's like to be chronically ill or disabled if they have never faced it themselves. Just like I could never understand what it's like to be in anyone else's shoes. But I respect your story exactly because I could never comprehend it. And all I'm asking for is the same, and it just boggles my mind how rare reciprocity is.

And I'm angry about how illnesses like Fibromyalgia are traditionally diagnosed and managed. The methods employed are about as ass-backwards as leaching or cutting or sprinkling holy water. The drugs used generally aren't very efficacious, tend to have sketchy side effects, and are dangerous when used long term (and these are chronic illnesses, so long term is a part of the picture). I am passionate about sharing my successes using medical cannabis products and other non-traditional plants/drugs and methods like diet/lifestyle changes. Which I will be getting to in more detail as soon as I finish the current series I'm working on. 

So, please, as this week winds to a close, keep the spreading the awareness and compassion for these invisible illnesses. If you know someone who is ill or disabled and don't know what to do or want to understand more, just ask. Or do some quick Google searching. You'd be surprised how many celebrities are affected by these extremely challenging conditions - like Morgan Freeman, Toni Braxton, Janeane Garofalo, and Halle Barry. 

Well, that's all for now. Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope you found it informative and it sparked some curiosity or compassion in you to learn more. 

*Love & Light*

Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) 

"The Cleansing Fire" - A Poem

I will be picking back up with my "Staying Positive While Living with Chronic Illness" series shortly. Of which I've needed to heed my own advice over the last week, as it has been fraught with some personal challenges. So, here's a quick poem I wrote about it :)

hide away

hide away

from this haze 

of sadness and pain

that claims
this body, this house 

hasn't been a home

too much insanity condoned 

for even a mouse

to feel comfortable staying here

in this house

this home

got to get the fuck out 

before they own

our souls, thoughts, habits

gotta get the fuck out

see opportunity, grab it

like a life preserver

and never let go

keep pushing further

until we're so far from this house

this broken home

that it's nothing but a feeble memory

lost and alone

like I feel now in this room

while insanity persues

those just outside the door

let us escape this sickness 

and be free from it evermore

evermore I love you 

my love

I know the two of us can rise above

this muck and mire

the cleansing fire

is so painful it's exquisite

but if it makes us stronger

than it's worth it

isn't it?

"You insist that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders..."

Thank you for reading! Stay strong in whatever battles you're facing at the moment :)

*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen

Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)