Some very exciting things have been happening here in Renata Land!
First off, a huge shout-out, and massive thanks to The Speed Girls for featuring me on their website! It's a beautiful feature, and I am incredibly honored to be considered "The Real Deal" next to all those other badass women they have on there!
I will be keeping this site up until I have archived all the old material on here, but from now on, go to http://www.renatacarmen.com/ to check out future blog posts, and keep up with my myriad of projects and misadventures!
Thank you, faithful readers, for your continued support! It means the world to me and I'm just so excited for things to come :) :) :)
I awoke to the sounds of my father yelling. Groggy, confused, hungover, and bleary eyed, I glared over at the alarm clock to see what time it was. What the fuck? It wasn't even 10 am – then still considered a “quiet” part of the day, in a house full of night owls and partying teens at various stages in life. As the oldest of the three girls, I was really the primary partier in the household at the time, but everyone except my Mom had a tendency to sleep late unless work, school, or some other responsibility deemed otherwise. Little did my family suspect that we would all wind up living in this house together again several years down the line - this time as adults recovering from the crashing economy in 2007, all but myself married, and my two sisters both pregnant. Three couples and one stubbornly single person sharing a small house, it was crazy and awful and marvelous all at the same time. Funny how life works. None of us would have willingly chosen that lifestyle. But, when the boys were born, there was a village around to help out. There was almost always an adult around to help with my sisters with the newborns, who may as well be brothers since they are barely a month apart. You have no idea how hard it is to shower or take a shit when you have a baby and no one to keep an eye on it for that five minutes. And I don't even have kids of my own. Knocks on wood. Don't get me wrong, I like kids. I just prefer handing them back.
No, this was still 2001. Long before my baby sisters would be married and have children. A year, that for me, had marked testing out of high school early, because I was so fucking bored with the William S. Hart School District I was barely able to keep bringing myself to class. So rather than graduate late, or not at all, I took advantage of a program offered by the state of California, The California High School Proficiency Exam, or CHSPE for short, designed exactly for people like me. Thank Goddess. Otherwise, I would have been up and daydreaming away at my desk at Canyon High during this pivotal moment in history, instead of sleeping in as late as possible before my first college course of the day. My experience would have been drastically different had I been in class like most people my age. I think it would have been more traumatic, much harder on me, more dragged out. You now how awful high school is to begin with. I imagine classes around the world, huddled up around TV screens, watching together in horror at the scene unfolding before them, crying and consoling each other and the teacher trying to act a like a solid rock upon which the students could find support. As far as I understand it, many classes around the country shut down early that day.
I was totally clueless of the facts as I sleepily rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head, trying to catch a few more much needed Zzz's before heading off to community college. But to no avail. My Dad's exclamations only continued growing louder. I thought he was watching a Nascar race, the way he was carrying on in the next room. He is not really a sports guy, but boy does he love racing, especially Nascar. I am sure his lack of interest in sports involving inflatable balls confuses his fellow Mexican-Americans, but he was purposely whitewashed by his parents so he would acclimate better, and did wrestling in high school. He has no connection to football, or futbal, and I am so grateful for that. I find those sports boring, time consuming, and the fathers of the world who get into them to be generally less engaging with their kids. We went hiking on Sundays, or to the beach. We weren't enslaved to year around game schedules and stats.
But as my father's exclamations of “WOAH!”, “NO WAY!”, and “HOLY SHIT!” echoed down the hall from the living room, and through the poorly insulated french doors to my office-turned-bedroom, I felt no appreciation for his tastes or preferences. At that moment, all I wanted was sleep. Precious sleep. I was constantly sleep deprived and hungover from approximately 1998 to 2006.
Aggravated as only a moody teen can be, I pulled on a big t-shirt and some shorts, flung open one of the doors to my room, and stomped down the hall. My Dad's voice grew in volume and intensity as I approached. I had words of retribution burning on my tongue, Jesus Christ man, can't you be respectable and watch the race later, or at least be quiet while I'm still sleeping?!?
Then, I realized my Dad wasn't the only one in the room, and he was exclaiming in horror, not shouting enthusiastically. All eyes were riveted to the old school style tube television in our living room, California sunshine streaming in behind it, creating an eerie contrast to the feed coming in on the screen. All thought, all previous anger and feelings I'd had, evaporated like morning dew in the hot desert sun.
I didn't know what I was looking at. I was so confused. Instead of cars driving in circles, the screen was focused in on some skyscrapers in a city. I didn't know which one it was, but I could tell from the skyline that it wasn't L.A. I wish I could remember more details about this moment, who else was there or exactly what was said. But my memory of the details are very poor. I want to say my whole family was there,but I don't think that is accurate. I feel like one or two of us were elsewhere. I will have to ask around and find out.
As the sleepy fog rapidly cleared from my head and I focused in on the TV better, I noticed that the camera was zoomed in on a specific set of skyscrapers, and that one of them had smoke billowing out of it from an upper floor. “What the...?” Came out of my mouth. It felt dry and my body felt numb. I can't remember who told me what was going on, I think it was my Dad. What do you mean, a plane hit one of the Twin Towers? Was it a horrible accident or something? No one really knew what was happening or why, and I felt even more confused. I sat down on the couch next to him. And then the second plan hit the tower. It was so surreal. I felt like I was watching a movie. There's no way this can actually be happening right now in our own New York City! But it was. The reality of the situation hit full force when we saw tiny figures throwing themselves from the Towers to escape the flames and destruction. Holy shit, those are people! People who got up and went to work, just like anyone else. Plugging away at their computers, making phone calls, worrying about getting that TPS report done on time. The last fucking thing you'd be thinking about is if some crazy assholes are going to be flying 747's into your building and you'd be faced with death in a most brutal form.
We didn't know what to say. My Dad grew silent. We just sat there and watched 9/11 unfold, like the rest of the nation. Horrified, shocked, surprised, confused. Why would this happen? How could it happen?
14 years later, and we are still struggling to answer these questions. There are too many layers to it for anyone to fully unravel. Violence and destruction are never excusable, no one should ever have to worry about dieing a fiery death on the job, unless you're a firefighter or something like that. Certainly not as a Paper Pusher.
But have we learned anything? Did anything change? Or did we just react, respond, get lost in a sea of justified anger and patriotism, and carry on with the Military Industrial Complex as usual? Did we try to figure out why people would feel compelled to do what they did on that day, to perform such great acts of horror? To what were they trying to draw our attention, and did we stop to notice? How much longer will America “walk softly and carry a big stick”? When will we realize we don't walk softly at all, that our steps make massive impacts on the rest of the globe? That in order for us to be able to live the American way, to buy cheap electronics and clothes and shoes and sheets and towels and diamonds and medications and everything else we consume, that countless people suffer for it?
Think about it. Where are your clothes and shoes that you're wearing right now made? How were the raw materials used to produce those goods harvested and processed? Don't you wonder why more products aren't made in the USA by US citizens? Don't you wonder why we have military bases in practically every country on the planet?
I will never, ever, suggest that the horrors of 9/11 were justified.
I just wish we would learn to respond more and react less. I think that, slowly, people are starting to question our insatiable need for war and cheap, imported goods. The internet is making all sorts of progress and revolutions possible.
But I still wonder how much we have actually learned. When you listen to the delegates for the upcoming presidential election speak, it is easy to lose faith. They sound like the worst batch of talking heads ever produced by the electoral process, on all sides. I'm considering burning my ballot this year. I seriously think that would be a better use of time, energy, and paper, than voting in any of the fucks running for office. Thankfully, Bernie is holding his own pretty well. He's a bit socialist for me, but he's probably gonna get my vote. Who knows.
Regardless, I remain a cautious optimist. I think we are waking up. Although I feel it cannot happen fast enough. I long for progress to happen more quickly, and trickle up to the bureaucracies asap.
Those are always the last to be effected by growth, change, and progress, and yet hold the most power.
If I could, I would scrap the entire House and Senate, and start fresh with people under the age of 45.
It's time for the old ways of Military and Corporate control of America to end.
Before another 9/11 happens, and/or we destroy the fragile ecosystem of this planet any further.
May those who were affected by this travesty find love, peace, and serenity. <3 <3 <3
Fresh out the current "Black Book" - which actually has a pink/gold plaid pattern on the cover hehe - I present this piece to you, just written yesterday :)
Hope you enjoy!
“Insatiable”
Your
words still burn
like
poison in my ears
How
do I rid myself
of
your ill intent?
Hell
bent on destruction
Misery
loves broken down company
Fuck
'em
Fuck
you
and
all the rest
of
the Haters
trying
to put me down at my best
You
are like fire
I
won't get too near you again
out
of concern you'll burn
Consume
a
hunger that never ends
You
don't see
so
long as you only
Take,
and never Give
You
will remain Insatiable
for
as long as you live...
R.C.H.
Thanks so much for reading!!! Poetry and free writing are such great ways for me to process some of the heavier things in life and get stuff off my chest :) Don't let the Haters get you down. Keep on keepin' on with yo' bad self <3 <3 <3 *Love & Light* Renata Carmen
This post I would like to highlight a personal hero of mine - Neil Young! <3
I've been listening to this dude since the womb (literally) and got to see him perform for the first time recently in Essex for the launch of his Monsanto Yearstour. It was a life changing experience that still brings tears to my eyes when I recall it, but I'll be writing more in detail about that concert later, along with Mr. Young's current fight to aid Vermont as it undergoes a major lawsuit from the shady, scary powerful big corporate alliance known as the "Grocery Manufacturer's Association" - Mansanto and Starbucks being the primary companies within this group currently under his attack.
First, I want to focus on Neil Young as a person - what makes him tick; who/what made him the powerful, loving soul that he his today; how his creative process works. Right before going to see him play up by Lake Champlain, I heard an enlightening interview he did with Howard Stern at the end of 2014. I learned a lot about Neil that I never knew before.
And now I love him as not just a musician, but a human being and role model too.
He is, indeed, and Bad Mofo!
random pic from the internet - Neil Young - Chronic Badass and all around Bad Mofo
They talked everything - from Mr. Young's survival of and recovery from childhood onset polio; the trauma of his father abusing his mother and then abandoning the family around the time Neil was 12; flunking out of high school; his influences and struggles as a budding artist; various bands he has played in, and musicians he's rolled with; what it was like to live with Rick James, be recorded by Smokey Robinson, and hang out with Charlie Manson; his personal values and philosophy and how those tie into his work, a description of his creative process that I think any creative type would find beneficial, even a fun little tip on how to manage paranoia induced by cannabis/altered states! One that this 17 year long consciousness explorer had never heard before. ("Chew on a few black peppercorns.")
I was very inspired by Neil Young's insatiably positive attitude and perceptions about life, the world around him, and his role in it. He is prolific as an artist, and incredibly passionate about the causes he cares about - causes which resonate greatly with me and I think many young people today. The man has seen, overcome, and continues to manage a lot of shit (one of his children has Cerebral Palsy), and has somehow come out of it without harboring any bitterness or resentment. He has a huge "heart of gold" and I feel like he is a great role model for anyone, especially those who may be going through a hard time or facing some sort of challenge (where's my Spoonies at? Much love to ya'all!).
Here is a link to that interview (just audio). Below are my fave quotes.
Hope you find Neil Young's story and philosophy to be as inspiring as I have!
Should you want to learn more about him, Neil has co-written several books, the latest of which came out around the time of this interview, called "Special Deluxe" - a book about his love of cars, and pursuit of alternative energy sources for them (he's a gearhead too! I just love this man!).
"I'm working for
the Music, that's my job in my head. I've always felt that was
something that was given to me, and I have to give back to It."
"Everybody's family has something in
it...These things happen to everybody...Not that particular thing [physical abuse] happens to everybody, thank God, cuz that's not what should happen,
and the less of that we have the better off everything is, but,
still, things happen, and everybody has the things they
remember in their childhood that they wish they hadn't
seen...something, there's something not perfect about everyone's
childhood, you know."
"Music turned me into myself. I just
love being able to disappear into the music."
"[Creativity/Art] It's an accident, it's a
gift, and I never question it. I always, whatever I'm doing, if I
have an idea I'll stop what I'm doing and do that...The idea is, Do It. You never know when, if you don't do it when it comes, it's a Gift. If somebody gives you a gift, do you throw it down and keep on
going? No, you stop and check it out, and you say “Thank You”, or
whatever, and treat it nicely. You don't want to scare it away or
treat it with disrespect. It's like an animal, it's like a beast or
something. You have to be nice...That's why I like to record things right
away. So that I get it, before I start thinking. I don't wanna think,
I just wanna do it...And then when I start to roll, the first time it
comes out it's the right one." (Not sure if this resonates with other artists, but this is exactly how my creative process flows, was very cool to hear - at least for my poetry. Journalism and other forms of writing usually require extensive editing, they don't just "come out" like that.)
"You don't want to judge it [your art], Howard. It's a Gift. You just do it, and
later let other people judge It. There's plenty of people to do that,
you don't have to go very far and you can find them."
"When you play music you have to come from a certain place
when you're doing it, and everything has to be clear, you know. You
don't want to disturb that. I mean, I don't. I like to keep the love
there. And if the love isn't there, you don't wanna do it."
“Be great or be gone.”
"It's about the weather, Howard. Some days you got it, some days you don't...it's the Cosmic Weather, you can't always have it, which makes you appreciate it so much when you get it. And that's what life is all about, it's so beautiful the way it keeps changing."
“Find a way to make a living that makes you feel good.”
“Focus on the good things.”
“I'm not a hater. I want to be a lover, I want to love, I want to see what's good.”
“I'm going to do what I can do with the rest of my life...to fight to make the change I wish to see, to turn the Earth around.”
After discussing Neil's interest in Charlie Manson as a musician:
Howard: If you had to spend a day recording
with either Charlie Manson or David Crosby, who would you pick?
Neil: That's a great question. I don't
know, I'll have to think about that one. (Laughs)
On addiction and drugs:
"It's a matter of wanting to [quit].
If you try to stop something that you want to do, that's an internal
struggle that you really never will win. But if you don't wanna do it
because you decide you don't want to do it, then it gets easy...I
didn't want to stop because of all the death...I got really tired of
waking up that way and not thinking and just hurting myself over and
over and I was getting older. It was just a thought process just led
me to the conclusion that it was probably not a good idea anymore."
On his book, “Special Deluxe”, Neil's love of cars and the enviornment, and advocacy for alternative energy sources like solar and cellulosic biofuel:
H: This is a book of cars, right? You
love cars?
N: Yeah!
H: And yet, you're an environmentalist,
and cars pollute the environment, so you're torn, right?
N: Well, that's kinda what the book is
about.
H: What are we gonna do about this?
N: We're gonna change it...It's so
sad, what's going on. Since 1950, we've lost 90% of the fish in the
ocean, and doubled our own population. Since 1970, we've lost half of
the wildlife on the planet. So, if you take those same numbers and
put them into the future and realize we're actually doing more damage
now, and look at our leaders [decisions]...Obama just opened up the
Gulf of Mexico to fracking and just gave all the rights away, I don't
get the sentience in that...
H: Who's going to change this?
N: It's gonna be people like you and
me, Howard...We have to be aware of what's going on, and talk about
it, and know that there is a lot that can be done...You don't focus
on the negative, you focus on the positive and how much love you
still have for this planet and that you can enjoy things and don't
get angry about it, but realize that if the USA is the leader of the
free world, why is it we're saying we can have maybe 2% solar
energy by 2020 and Germany has 50% renewable energy right now,
with the same sun and the same
crops?
H: Why is that?
N: It's because of
the leadership in this country, more than that, it's because of
Corporate Control of Democracy, thru things like the Citizens United
Act, which we just voted down yet it's still there because the
majority wasn't big enough. So in America it's hard to make a change
against the corporate powers that are in control of us. They control
all of us, everybody that we elect, they're all tainted. Why do we
have Hilary Clinton, when she was Secretary of State, going around to
Europe to convince the little European countries, “Oh, don't get
your oil from Russia. We give you this fracking technology and it's
really great and you can frack and get your oil and energy right out
of the land.” The thing is, that, this is what's going on – these
are our Democrats, okay, these are the people that are supposed to be
'the savior'...and the Democrats are the ones who just opened up the
Gulf of Mexico to fracking like the gulf doesn't need a break.
H: Are there a
politician or group of politicians that you actually like?
N:
None of them are empowered by the system that is here now to do
anything other than take money from corporations and be controlled. I
don't know of one politician that isn't controlled to some degree by
the amount of donations from corporations. That's who paid for the
campaigns. All these laws are wrong. They made it legal for
corporations to be people.
Corporations are not
people!...The things that we don't know, I mean we talk about climate
change, and we're doing more damage to the earth with all our
wars...but if you want to find out, hey, “Freedom”, you can't
find out what the carbon footprint is of the military...I don't like
war, I think it's all about energy and I think it's gonna end up
being about water, because we're using it all up...We outta just
start getting smart and use what we have. Renewable energy. There's
energy from the sun! Hello! It's right there! If you don't put a hat
on it can burn a hole in your head. It's something there, let's use
it...And start using our plants, not to take away our food, but
cellulosic ethanol and cellulosic biofuels that are actually from the
waste of making food,
that can be fuel, all this stuff can charge electricity, that can do
all kinds of things it can charge batteries, whatever without fossil
fuel. I drove my car all the way across from San Francisco to Ft.
McMurrey, Alberta, to NYC, without using any gasoline.
Robin: So you had it
converted?
N: I rebuilt it,
yeah, and I screwed it up and burned it down to the ground, and built
it again.
H: So it can be
done?
N: It
can be done, absolutely. A 6300 pound car, a Lincoln Continental '59,
the heaviest damn longest craziest car you ever saw – I drove
across the whole country without any gasoline. Remember America,
places like Germany are 50% renewable today.
It can be done, with leadership. We don't have the leadership we need
and it's very disappointing that they're all working for
corporations.
“We don't have a
choice...as consumers when it comes to fuel...if we had the choice, we could make
things happen."
H: How do you know
so much about all this?
N: I am studying
this because it is really is a matter of life and death for millions
and millions of people.
H: You care.
N: (Voice cracks) You're damn
right I care. That's all I do. That's all I can do. I'm a famous
person, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna relegate myself to People
Magazine and some tabloids? That's not me. I wanna do something good
and if I can't do something good I'll probably die trying to do
something good. I've got nothing else to do. What else could be more
rewarding? Nothing.
cover from his self titled studio album released in '68
Hello there!
It's been longer than I prefer since I've last posted on here :/
Between the Neil Young concert my man and I were lucky enough to attend a few weeks ago upstate, being a heat sensitive person in the peak of New England summer (woah, humidity!), and the sudden drop in temps we've had over the last week (WTF, signs of Fall already? Winter is coming! Ah, Rural Vermont Life), along with a few other health issues I won't get into, I have been pretty laid low.
"Low on spoons" as they say ;)
But, I'm back on my feet, caught up on a major freelance project I've been trying to hammer out for some time (Shameless self-plug: Go get a subscription to Auto Restorer magazine!), and am very excited about everything that is happening right now, including posts for this blog that I've been wanting to get out for some time.
Driving Upstate Vermont in Late Summer is a glorious experience! :)
A preview of what's to come: - A write-up about the Neil Young concert, and the Monsanto/Starbucks/Grocery Manufacturer's Alliance lawsuit against the state of Vermont - New Product reviews! - UV Clothing, UV Parasols, Collapsible Canes, and other "Spoonie" friendly wear/aids - The last part of my series about my mental approaches to managing life with chronic illness - New B.M.F.F.'s - "BadMofo Fridays" - Where each week I'll be highlighting various people who inspire me - A new series about who I am, and how I manage my Fibromyalgia thru Diet and Lifestyle - Completing a series I started a long time ago about how I manage seasonal allergies, colds, and flus using natural remedies that actually work (something that has plagued me since I was born, and have a ton of anecdotal and scientific evidence for)
It's moving more slowly than I'd prefer, but I'm learning how to work with the Fibro and become a better integrated artist, entrepreneur, and person every day.
And that is all that matters.
Fall colors are already starting to show in the mountains up here in New England
And now, a new piece of poetry I wrote over the last few weeks.
I was in a bit of a haze when it came out, and looking at it now, I am still not completely sure who or what this is about. It could be one of a few matters I've been trying to work thru, or a combo of them.
Either way, it's pretty, if I don't say so myself :) Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading!!!
A fun one I started a while back and finally finished today.
I guess you could say I'm in the mood because I'm well enough to go downstairs tomorrow and start restoring the Celica Supra again ;) Yay!
Enjoy the Gearhead Poetry!
Oh,
you rev my engine
wear
out my starter
when
I can't take any more
you
drive me harder
thru
terrains I never knew
you
got my alignment all askew
runnin'
till we see red and blue lights
only
you know how to move me just right
baby
let's
hit the canyons tonight
Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen
"Kaizen" aka "Kiki", our gorgeous 1982 Toyota Celica Supra P-Type 5 Speed <3
Every Friday, I am going to talk about "Bad Mofo's" - people who I find really inspiring.
Today, I would like to draw attention to an amazing woman I can't believe I've never heard of before. I learned about Louise "Landspeed" Noeth recently while catching up on the Cars Yeah Podcast, where she is described as "a storyteller known for taking complicated subjects and making them entertaining and educational. She founded LandSpeed Productions in 1984 where she provides film and TV consulting, photography, writing, graphic design, and more. Her award-winning works have been published around the world. Dubbed 'LandSpeed Louise', she concentrates on land speed racing and people who do extraordinary feats by designing, building, and driving fast cars, trucks, and motorcycles. She’s one of the few women journalists in the automotive field who’s also comfortable and competent behind the wheel."
A few other traits/accomplishments that make Louise noteworthy:
- She is over 50% deaf, and it was loud exhaust notes that first drew her to cars because of the resonance (I have a soft spot for people with illness or disability, "Chronic Badasses", in case you didn't notice)
- She was first published in Automotive Journalism back in 1980. I started my automotive career in the mid-2000's, and the industry still was/is permeated by the MadMen, "No tits in the pits", bigotry mentality. I can only imagine what the fuck she's overcome during her career!
- She started her photojournalism career as an artist painting pinstripes on cars, then learned to drive, then to wrench, and started writing/taking photos along the way. She is one of the few other female gearheads I've found who not only can fix anything on a car and drive it, but can write and create visual art as well. I have found a female role model doing almost exactly what I want to do! How awesome! Most of my role models are male.
- Louise worked with the Federal Government to help phase out the use of Leaded Gasoline, and implement updated safety regulations for suspension. She also helped the automotive performance and journalism industries integrate changes created by Federal Emissions Control Implementations in the late 60's/early 70's.
- She helped Team Vesco set the International World Record for the Fastest Wheel Driven Automobile (Over 458 mph! This record still stands, btw. Whose up for the challenge?)
- She has numerous productions and publications under her belt, is working on her second book, has had a monthly column in Goodguys Gazettefor over 12 years, and recently became a Chief Judge for the International Automotive Media Competition - an organization striving to set a higher standard in automotive related journalism/media.
- On top of all these amazing contributions, Louise Noeth is a pilot, too!
A quote from her website that really resonates with me and gets me fired up for my own work: Unlike most journalists, writers, photographers, artists, and publicists who focus on only one, or perhaps two disciplines, LSL noticed that she could get editors to give her more assignments if she could provide words and pictures — photographed or drawn. “The hard part was convincing them that I could deliver quality in both areas, because my skills came from ‘on-the-job training’,” she adds, “I’ve never had any formal, academic training, just an overwhelming abundance of enthusiastic curiosity and I’ve discovered that, occasionally, I can whup a hot shot PhD in this news game. I create solutions.”
I love this woman, and am so inspired by her!
Just some major journalism awards. No big deal ;)
Here is a link to the episode of Cars Yeah I learned about "Landspeed Louise" through, with a few quotes below that stood out to me from the interview. The podcast is only about 30 minutes, perfect for listening to while taking a lunch break, commuting, doing a tune-up, getting your hair did...you get the picture :) Enjoy!
"I was born that way, with Nomex in my diapers."
"I don't have any training...I essentially took my artistic skills...and used them as a springboard..."
"Don't judge my abilities by your limitations."
"Always look for a place to put that plane down if the engine quits...Don't put your complete trust into someone, because they might let you down, and you may not see something...I became more circumspect. Not that I didn't give 100% when necessary, but I always had a way out."
When speaking of her involvement with Federal Legislation phasing out leaded gas, and suspension safety and emission controls -
"That was big because that effected 100's of thousands of people that I will never meet in a positive way."
"If you wanna play, you gotta pay."
"When you get a test car, wash it yourself...because you'll learn more about the car by washing it, then you will driving it."
When asked about a personal habit that contributes to her success -
"It has to be voracity, and details. To never short-shift the reader and the viewer...I can piss off an editor with no problem, but I never want to do that to my readers and my viewers."
"What you do for others, lasts longer, stays stronger, than anything you'll ever do for yourself."
I hope you enjoyed learning about "Landspeed" Louise Noeth! What Bad Mofo's get you really inspired? *Love & Light* Renata Carmen
(Started writing this on Friday, had to take lots of breaks to finish it to my standards and add hyperlinks/pics, so it's going up on Saturday afternoon, 7-27)
The Supreme Court just ruled in favor of same sex marriage!!!!
What a way to close out an epic week for progress! I learned rather belatedly that the feds cut off funding to the DEA for medical cannabis raids late last year, due to recent back lash from the Justice Department. Come on guys, just let it go already! Stop fucking with sick people and our right to choose our symptom management! You'll come around eventually.
It was a close decision, 5-4, but history has been made on this day here in this country. My mind is totally blown. I had no idea this was going on, as I don't watch the news, and avoid it online (not on Facebook, my homepage is Google). Especially when the Fibromyalgia is kicking my ass like it has been for the last few weeks (boo).
The decision was based upon the 14th Amendment, and from what I've read it sets a potential precedent for federal legalization of medical cannabis. Crazy exciting shit. Talk about a badly needed open door that we can now utilize for even further progress! Can't believe I'm seeing all this in my lifetime! If you had told me ten years ago that today we would be questioning the validity of the Drug War, ending cannabis prohibition at the state and federal level, opening up channels for medical applications of MDMA and Psilocybin, and recognize the legal right to same sex marriage at the federal level, I would have asked you what you were on so I could have a hit.
Someone please pinch me, I must be dreaming!
'Merica, fuck yeah!!!
Something else revolutionary that happened this week and has me very excited – President Obama was on Marc Maron'sWTF Podcast!!! A president, on a podcast! And not just any podcast, a comedian's podcast. And not a clean comedian, either! Not that there's anything wrong with clean comedy. It just would have been more socially sanctioned for the President to choose to sit down with Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, or Ellen Degeneres.
To say this was a ground breaking decision would be an understatement.
President Barack Obama posing with Marc Maron in his garage:) For more pics, check out http://marcmeetsobama.com/.
It was a very interesting listen. I wound up connecting with Mr. and Mrs. Obama in ways I hadn't foreseen. Michelle's Dad has MS, and this was back before the ADA act. Mr. Obama told a story or two about her father's struggles with his illness, and the public's perception of disability, which really touched me. I wonder if he uses cannabis for his MS symptoms. I sure hope so. Montel Williams says it's the only thing that really helps him with his. After being prodded (boldly, IMHO) by Marc to describe his eccentricities (“So, how are you crazy? When Michelle says 'Stop doing that!', what is she referring to?”), Mr. Obama talked about his history and childhood. How he moved around a lot, how that makes him kinda loose and restless. How Michelle grew up in a small town with a “Cleaver” kind of family, living in the same house her whole life, and being very grounded. Mr. Obama described how they in turn balance out each other's “crazy” - she helps to ground him out, and he in turns helps to bring her out of her shell. This made me think of my man and I, but reversed roles. I moved more times than I could count growing up, my man grew up in the house we're staying in now. This bedroom used to have pink carpet because it was his sister's when they were growing up. When I first met his family I totally thought of them as “Cleaver-like” compared to my fubared family (love mi familia, but we are all are fucked up, just tellin' it like it is). He totally grounds my crazy wanderlust, and I help him overcome his tendency towards being an extreme introvert.
I came away from the hour or so conversation very pleased. I was a tad disappointed with how one dimensional some of Mr. Obama's answers were - “Gun control must be solved by taking away guns. Other countries don't have shootings like we do, if they don't allow their citizens to have guns.” I'll save my personal thoughts on such a complex situation for another post. But I think he dropped enough hints so that anyone could read between the lines and really hear what he said in that conversation. He acknowledged the limitations he has as President. Marc did great by comparing it to a “middle management” position. And I think that is an excellent metaphor, one I had never thought of before. The President in this country is the ultimate “Mr. Manager”.
In case you haven't noticed, I make old school AD references whenever possible ;)
Think of all the bureaucracies, organizations, special interests, and branches of government that exist, that work together like some insane fucked up machine, and interfacing with all of that madness. No way you can please all those people, no matter what you do. Then you have millions of citizens with all their desires and wants and needs. Fuck, that sounds like too much for one person. I definitely gained more respect for the man. Not that I didn't respect him before. I may not have voted for Barack Obama, and may not agree with everything that has happened under his organization, but I knew before hearing the podcast it was a tough gig. I just never saw it with such clarity before, in ways that I could relate to.
The one burning question I'm left with, that I wish Marc had thought to ask our Commander in Chief, and I'm sure I speak on behalf of all citizens when I say this – I wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Obama have seen the bit Chris Rock did about having a black First Lady back when Barack was running for office? If he is a fan of comedy, chances are strong he has seen it. I am so freakin' curious as to if he's seen it, if Mrs. Obama has, and if they thought it was funny. I would like to think they laughed their asses off. I appreciate people who don't take themselves too seriously.
The art of laughing at oneself seems to be a dying skill.
Overall, I think it was fucking brilliant. And refreshing. And brave, on both their parts, and all the other cats involved in making that magic happen. People have been hating on Marc for not being "harder" on the President when touchy issues, like gun control, got brought up. I think you all missed the point of this conversation. First off, remember that Marc Marin is not a journalist. He is a comedian. And he only had an hour. You start going down a rabbit hole like that, and nothing else gets discussed before you're out of time. The point of this conversation was for Mr. Obama to be able to step outside of mainstream politics for a moment, and be seen as a person. Hopefully, by millions of people he doesn't normally reach thru traditional media, because we are disenchanted with it, and no longer utilize it as an information source. People like me.
And in that sense, it worked like a charm.
Besides walking away with a new connection to Mr. Obama, his family, and their story, it was nice to hear the President be real. Or at least as real as one is allowed to be. What I heard him say in so many words was, “The system isn't perfect. I am limited in what I can do. I am not happy with these limitations, but am pleased with the progress we have been able to make within the system as it exists today. I remain optimistic for the future, because I have learned a lot and now I can put that to use in my last year and half as President. I have learned what the game is and how to play it, and I may not like it very much, but I still give a shit, I still remember where I came from, why I got into politics. I still remember the grind and the hustle and the racism and the poverty and the sickness we are experiencing as a society. And I promise to do as much as I can, as fast as I can, in the time that I have left. I'm getting gangsta. I'm keeping it real. I give zero fucks now. I'm gonna do things like go on the WTF Podcast, and be a real human being without having to interact with just another talking head on some agenda driven media outlet.”
I'm curious as to what he's gonna do next. Very intrigued, and excited.
Thank you, Mr. Obama, and those working towards loosening the tight grip of the Judeo-Christian-Puratin-Paternal driven tyranny we have been under for the last few thousand years or so. The same insanity that destroyed my people, scattered them and our history and culture and songs and art and religion to the dust. The same that enslaved Mr. Obama's people, tore them from their homelands and treated them like cattle. If we truly have separation of the state from the church in this fine country of ours, then why is the government involved with affairs concerning love, sex, expression, and ideologies? Why does it care who we choose to marry, what substances we choose to ingest? These are not concerns of practical matters, these are moralistic arguments, and have no place in government. How nice that we seem to be finally coming around as a people and realizing this.
There was more than one "Trail of Tears". Never forget!
Thank you for giving me hope, for renewing my faith and interest in the system, for reminding me it's far easier to create change from within an existing frame work, rather than tearing it all apart and starting from scratch (makes me think of SLC punk). For reminding me I can be jaded and sit here and bitch, or I can get involved and participate and push for the changes I desire, knowing it takes time and patience and cooperation and love and energy.
Like Sasha Shulgin did for “The Tribe” - be an emissary rather than a guerrilla rebel, and you're more likely to get a lot more accomplished in your lifetime. More likely to have a lasting impact on the generations to come. Which is where our perspective needs to be anyway.
Cheers to all the brave emissaries of these movements towards progress, equality, freedom!
And to you, Marc, you did great! I would have fallen apart under all the pressure! I can't imagine how surreal that must have been, and look forward to hearing you talk about the experience on the podcast you put up on Thursday.
<3 Much love from a fan of comedy and democracy <3
P.S. Shame on all you who freaked out about Mr. Obama “dropping the N-word” once during the podcast!
Obviously, you missed the whole fucking point of that eloquent and enlightening conversation, and you made asses out of yourselves acting like infantile ignoramuses flipping out about it. "The Rapper in Chief"...fucking really, Fox??? You all are acting like he rolled up to Marin's with a do-rag on, an L hanging from his lip, ice hanging from his neck, dropping N Bombs like they're going out of style. Fucking pathetic!!!
Also, in case you didn't notice, he's black.
He's allowed to use that word anytime, in any way he wants.
You're probably just butthurt The President is sick of mainstream media's bullshit, and chose to go chill out in Marc Maron's garage, rather than shoot the shit with you on your TV Show.
And that it worked. I bet that annoys you even more.
To quote the great Bill Burr, “Go fuck yah-self.”
Whoever did this is fucking brilliant!
Should you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the site (mobile users, please click on the web version to view). I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! Thank you so much for reading and supporting my work :)
Been in a pretty rough spot the last few weeks or so due to a flare in my Fibro. Been having major problems with my arms. Had issues with them in the past, but not to this degree. The muscles, tendons, and joints hurt, ache, burn and my whole arms are very weak and shaky. To the point where I can barely lift my can of seltzer water (*note to self - get straws*).
It's terrifying and frustrating when you've been doing better for a while and then you get debilitated again. And having to manage the pain is the hardest part, not so much the physical side of it, yes that is a huge challenge, but the drugs sure help ("I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me."). Although they don't really make me very functional, just take away the urge to have my arms cut off in hopes of alleviating the pain.
The harder part, for me anyway, is the mental side of pain. Of waking up in Level 10 pain for weeks straight, being too debilitated to do even little things like vacuum, or type (*other note to self, play with voice to text software I was given last year and never messed with* - The creative process just doesn't work the same when my hands aren't involved). Forget about wrenching. All projects are on hold. Yes, I could ask for help, but it's not as satisfying if I don't do the restorations myself. You could say I'm a bit stubborn, yes. If things don't straighten out in the next month I will break down and get some help on my projects. Because up here in Vermont, Winter is Coming! I know it's Midsummer, but we only get so many months to wrench before it gets too cold for major work. Unless you have a heated garage (#goals).
Not only does being miserable from chronic pain/illness/disability make you feel worse, it makes those around you feel awful too. Don't get me wrong, it's pertinent to express one's grief in a healthy manner, but then one must move on. Otherwise we end up a bitter mess that no one wants to be around. And being alone/feeling isolated is another amplifier of disease progression/symptom levels.
I've spoken before about how much Eastern Philosophy helps me manage the mental side of being chronically ill. Today I want to highlight a specific lecture that has been especially helpful to me over the last week as I've struggled with the latest digression in my symptoms.
It's a lecture Alan Watts gave on KQED Public Television in either 1959 or 1960 about Pain/Suffering, and how to manage it mentally using concepts from the East. I hope you find it helpful as well. It's about 30 minutes total, split up into two parts. Below the video clips are a few quotes that stood out to me.
"There is nothing that is so much the very essence of suffering, as the fear of suffering itself." "The first proposition of the Buddha...is that life as we live it is fundamentally...a kind of chronic frustration, and man's effort is always to get rid of this ["Duhka" - suffering, pain], and go to that ["Suhka" - bliss, happiness]. But the basic idea of the Buddha was that if you have this [suffering], you must have this [bliss] because these two contrast with each other.You don't experience [suffering] unless you experience [bliss], and you don't experience [bliss] unless you experience [suffering]...And therefore, the idea of the Buddha's doctrine was not to get rid of pain and put pleasure in its place, but to go to something else which stands as it were transcending these two opposites, above and beyond them. Which in Sanskrit is called "Ananda" [English equivilant is "ecstasy" - rapture; transport; an overwhelming emotion; a state of sudden, intense feeling]."
"Now how is it that through a profound going into suffering, that is to say, a profound acceptance of it, there can come out of it some sort of bliss? This is the problem we have to understand."
"We find that our feelings depend for their evaluation, as to whether they be positive or negative, very much as to the context in which they occur." "Therefore, the idea of the Buddha was to become delivered from suffering, not by running away from it, but from looking at the actual concrete reality of what we feel, and forgetting the context."
Hope you found this to be as helpful as I do! What did you get out of this video? Should you get any benefit from Mr. Watt's work, please consider supporting his legacy by purchasing some of his original works.
And if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :) Many thanks for your continued support! *Love & Light* Renata Carmen
This is an old poem circa 2002 or so.
I'm finally undertaking a long project and digitizing crates of poetry I've been carrying with me for years. Some of it goes as far back as the 5th grade!
This one still stands out as a favorite, and I've been thinking of it recently due to some challenging interpersonal situations. Personally, I'm still stoked on the wordplay on this one :)
Hope you enjoy it too!
Fake
Faltering
in her silent steps
she
cries
aloud. The light
overwhelms
the
senses. Come, darkness! Save
me
from
the truth. Envelop me
with
your
star-studded veil. Don't let
her
see
our technicolor dreams. For her
plastic
thoughts
will ruin the universe, and she will only
smile.
-R.C.H.
Thanks for reading!
*Love & Light*
Renata Carmen Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)
"Rough start so far, but determined to turn things around. Emo and in pain from ovulation. Didn't sleep as long/deeply as needed and am exhausted and ready to go back to bed even though I just got up. Also stiff, sore, nauseous. Woke up sad/angry about my life circumstances - about feeling rejected/misunderstood by both sides of my family, about money, independence, my health and stamina and sun sensitivity, disability. My brain started going down fast. Started crying, feeling overwhelmed, wanted to break down and start destroying furniture and shit. But this energy does nothing positive or constructive for me at all, and I know everything I'm feeling is valid, but I must channel the river of my emotions accordingly so as not to get swept away in a path of irreversible destruction.
This day is mine, I claim it, to do with it as I please. I will focus on my blessings, all that I do have, and I will work my ass off to the best of my ability to get as much done as I can, and whatever my best is today, that's okay. It's okay to feel what I feel. It's not okay to wallow, to waste this precious gift of a day by crying and feeling sorry for myself, by focusing on what I lack. This days is mine, I claim and own it, here and now. I can make it into whatever I want it to be, whatever I choose to focus on.
And I choose love and light and magick and art and creativity and laughter and adventure and service.
This I choose. And so it shall be.
Praise Jah!"
Living with Fibromyalgia means that I wake up pretty much every day already struggling before I even get out of bed. With either physical pain and other symptoms like nausea, vertigo, and arthritis, or mental/emotional pain due to chronic illness and disability, like anxiety and depression. Waking up feeling awful makes not only turning your day (and anyone's who happens to wake up next to you) around incredibly difficult, being overwhelmed by emotion can sap one of energy and deplete your immune system, which is already quite taxed for us "spoonies" of the world.
So, how do I turn shitty mornings, or anytime of day, around into something positive and productive, despite the fact that I live with a debilitating, life altering and life long illness?
In my previous post in this series, I discussed the benefits I receive from daily studies of psychology and philosophy. Today I'll be discussing the next cornerstones in my drug-free symptom management tool kit - Comedy and Humor. As I was writing the previously quoted journal entry earlier today, I put my favorite comedy bits on and you can see how it helped turn my mood from dark, stormy, destruction into one of determination and positive focus.
Simply Google "the benefits of laughter" and countless medical resources come up with articles detailing how laughter, like creativity, aids blood pressure and vascular flow, reduces stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, helps the pituitary gland produce endogenous opiates thus naturally reducing pain, increase memory and learning, bond partners/groups and the two halves of the brain, and workout the diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, leg, and back muscles. Working out while laughing? What a fun extra side effect! I'll take all the extra exercise I can, since my stamina is still pretty low and I'm not able to be as active as I'd like. And as for the strengthening bonds thing, I can tell you firsthand that humor is one of the biggest saviors of my long-term relationship, which started shortly before the onset of my illness and has seen some serious tests over the 4 plus years we've been together now.
Check out this quote from Dr. William Fry of Stanford University on http://www.care2.com:
"Humor and creativity work in similar ways – by creating relationships between two disconnected items, you engage the whole brain. Humor works quickly. Less than a half-second after exposure to something funny, and electrical wave moves through the higher brain functions of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere analyzes the words and structures of the joke; the right hemisphere “gets” the joke; the visual sensory area of the occipital lobe creates images; the limbic (emotional) system makes you happier; and the motor sections make you smile or laugh.
So let’s laugh." Word, homie! Let's laugh indeed, even in the face of seemingly overwhelming circumstances. One of my favorite ways to get my daily dose of comedy is through podcasts. Podcasts have become one of my favorite media sources because they are usually free, instantly accessible, and have very little advertising - which not only means less commercials to skip through, but more freedom to the podcasters to express themselves without censoring their beliefs or language.
Some of my favorite podcasts for comedy are:The Joe Rogan Experience (he also has very interesting guests on there, so you learn while you laugh), Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast, and The Duncan Trussell Family Hour (he also has interesting guests in addition to being very funny, and a few years ago overcame cancer in one of his balls and the loss of his mother - whom he had on as a guest not longer before she passed and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed). Here's some of my favorite comedy bits (all of which I've watched this morning). Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
I love this bit and have watched it probably dozens of times. This is my go-to when I feel especially down and have no interest in anything goofy or silly. But it perks me up everytime! The Stages of Grief by Robot Chicken. I find it to be a perfect metaphor for chronic illness/disability especially. Fucking hilarious!
Maybe you have to be sorta fucked up or have crazy family to truly appreciate "Billiam", but I love this man. He is probably one of my favorite comedians.
Haha yes, at 30 years old, this is my life right now!
Fucked up thoughts, we all have 'em. Bill's just happens to be really funny. Maybe partly why I love this man so much is he makes me feel sane ;)
One last Bill Burr bit. For recovering Christians like myself. I laughed so hard the first time I saw this one I teared up :) More Robot Chicken, some of their Star Wars Parodies (some of my faves, go Seth Green!)
I could list dozens more of my favorite comedy bits, but I think I've given you enough to mull over here for now. What are some of your favorite ways to laugh, or do you have any favorite comedians or podcasts? Thanks for reading! *Love & Light* Renata Carmen Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mechanic/artist who is not currently receiving SSI/SSDI and when I'm flared up it's hard if not impossible for me to get my hustle on. I'm also working on adding Bitcoin here! :)
